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Let me start with a disclaimer: I am neither a psychologist nor a Buddhist or in any way trained in a specific method of discussing these concepts. These are only my thoughts and observations.
I use the term "ego" loosely. What I'm talking about is simply our sense of self. Just as there are different definitions of ego, there are various perceptions. Egos can be healthy as in we have strong positive self-esteem or healthy as in big which is generally considered negative as in egotistical or egomaniac. But even in its most neutral definition as awareness of self, ego can lead us down some painful paths. And, to me, it seems that blogging can easily turn into crack for an ego addicted soul. And that's many if not most of us.
Whether good or bad, positive or negative, pleasurable or painful, we humans have a bad habit of pushing buttons and chasing experiences that acknowledge our awareness of ourselves. We need interaction with others to help remind us that we exist. And beyond knowing we exist, we want to feel that we matter, that we are important and we want others to acknowledge their awareness of our existence. We then take that acknowledgment and turn it into a personal yardstick by which we measure ourselves. And when we fall short of our self imposed standards, it can hurt something fierce.
But, even if it hurts, it lets us know that we are alive and not invisible and that's where the whole crack addict thing can kick in. It occurs to me that in many ways blogging and other forms of social media are perfect drugs for feeding that addiction.
Some of us say we write our blogs and we don't care if anyone reads us. If that were true then why would we not just write in private? We must care and want to be acknowledged in some way if we publicly publish our writing. I am pretty good at doing this but I do perk up when someone comments or on those rare occasions where I see stats and there is a small spike for a post I've written somewhere. I really would blog even if nobody read what I wrote but I won't lie, I like it better when somebody does read and acknowledges my writing.
When we hit the publish button on our posts and someone does read it and acknowledge our writing, sometimes that acknowledgment comes in the form of a defensive response. We don't just write with ego, we read with ego, too. And we all know how the song goes... C'mon everyone now, sing along with me: "You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you." Tell the truth, we've all done it, you read a post or a comment and you think the person is blogging about you even if they are not naming names. Hey, you talking to me?. And then we feel an urge to jump to our own defense and respond with a snappy blog or comment retort. That's pure ego talking and see why I say ego and blogging can lead to a lot of suffering?
These wounds are self-inflicted. And we can stop beating ourselves up. Unless your blog is a commercial venture that you must measure, let's ease up on the obsessive stat checking*. Let's stop counting comments and looking for offense (even if names are named - it's still their story) where quite possibly none was intended. And even if someone flings the most foul online poo your way, you still have the power to choose to get into a poo fight or to raise your deflector shields and walk away and allow the pile of poo to lie there, untouched.
*(But if you really cannot tear yourself away from your stats, check out the ego iPhone app.)
Here is one simple step that I think can help us reduce the negative and painful ego validation crack of blogging and commenting: before hitting publish, stop and remember the timeless adage of considering: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
As I noted in a post about complaining, Eckhart Tolle posits that facts are neutral and complaining comes from ego. Maybe we can enjoy blogging and social media more if we worry less about whether or not others are thinking about us and more about just telling our truth and our stories. Trust me, they're real and they're spectacular.
Do you ever find yourself getting angry, upset
