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Elizabeth Edwards comes under fire for her mothering choices on the campaign trail.

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Last Sunday the New York Times ran an article on the changing face of this year's presidential campaign trail. Namely, the increase in the choices the candidates and their families have had to make in regards to negotiating the logistics of campaign life and family life. These campaign circumstances have no recent precedent. It states that "no fewer than five presidential contenders have children under the age of 10." The main focus of this article features the Edwards family who have made the decision to bring their youngest children--Emma Claire and Jack Edwards, 9 and 7-- on the road with them. This has brought Mrs. Edwards' mothering decisions under fire. One thing that really needs to be remembered in this scenario is that Elizabeth Edwards is not just a mother to young children. She is a mother with cancer. Terminal cancer. A mother who wants to spend as much time with her children as possible. You simply cannot take that out of the equation and still get the full picture here.

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Of course, on the day that the reporter was there, the children were not in the mood for "campaigning" or dealing with reporters.

And they treated an interviewer the way politicians surely wish they could at times, refusing at first to remove their iPod earphones for a discussion of life on the trail.

What parent does not want their children on their best behavior when a reporter-- a New York Times reporter-- is present? My guess is most of us want the best in our children to shine through when a person recording your every movement and word is watching, listening and recording. However, Jack, a child of only 7 did not want to play the "perfect son" to the reporter on this particular day. Who could blame him? He is a child! But that was not taken into account. What was brought to the front was criticism of Ms. Edwards and the choice to bring these children on the road with them as they campaign.

The boy sat for a few more minutes, fidgety but obedient, before being freed and happily bounding with his sister to the fort they were building in the back of the bus.

To me, that shows a normal boy. Any normal boy. It could have been my son at that age. It could have been your son at that age.

However, Rebecca Eisenberg of Silicon Vally Moms Blog saw it quite differently. She quite frankly states that she does not like Elizabeth Edwards and is not afraid to say so.

Elizabeth, I DON'T LIKE the choices you have made!

Take your kids home. Get off the campaign trail. Your husband is not going to be the candidate, and he is not going to be president. He is not ahead in the polls. He is not going to make it. We need a Democratic in office desperately, and you are harming that chance by going around saying negative things about the TOP candidates and splitting the vote. Worst of all, you are forcing your young children, who should be in school to ride in buses and talk to the press when they obviously don't want to. This election is NOT ABOUT THEM. They deserve some peace, not time with nannies and campaign-trail daycare providers, since, as the Times article describes, you don't have time to see them when you are busy campaigning too.

Very harsh words. As it tends to do when when there are essays with such intense feelings, it brought out many commenters. Not all of them voices of dissent. White Trash Mom stood behind Rebecca's words.

Today I got even more confirmation that Rebecca is great. She wrote a pretty opinionated blog post about John Edwards, presidential candidate and future hair club for men patron. Rebecca gave her opinion on a New York Times story about the Edwards family...and the shit hit the fan.

Commenter jen states: "I couldn't agree more. I like John Edwards and don't really care how he made his money, but I think they are crazy. Go home, build up your resume, and you'll have lots of time to run for president when your kids are in college and hopefully your wife is still alive. If I had 10 more years to live I wouldn't spend it on the campaign trail."

However, for

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Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

It is no secret that I am sick about this as well. Sick of all of this. I look for the day when we women stop attacking each other and band together to support each other. But we have to make it happen.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

laurie 5 pts

You said it so beautifully, Babz.

laurie
www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com ( http://www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com )

mammaloves 5 pts

I couldn't agree more with your entire premise. I am sick about this. Women do ourselves no favors by attacking each other over our parenting choices. We all take ourselves down a notch when we judge each other.

Elizabeth Edwards is incredibly eloquent and thoughtful. I'm glad she handled this so well--not that I'm surprised she did.

Her children. Her decision.

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

You contribute so much to the conversations. I don't ever want your voice to stop.

You are right. None of us have tomorrow guaranteed. And when you know your time could be limited, you see things differently. If only we all lived as we were aware that we have no promised tomorrows.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Lovebabz 5 pts

We are all going to die. That is for real. We are all going to die. Mrs. Edwards seems to to know what may end her life--cancer. I say perhaps... We all ought to take a page from her life for we are all in the same boat. Does it really make a difference if you have a diagnosis? Do we really believe that because we ourselves don't have cancer that somehow we are safe? I guess you could believe that if there were no other realities about how we die. It is about how we live that makes the impact ON THE WORLD. If you knew for sure you were going to die tomorrow, what the hell does that mean? You still have to make your mortgage/rent payment, someone needs you to do whatever it is you do. We are all Mrs. Edwards--tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Maybe I am feeling super emotional about this, because I am going to prison in afew weeks and I have 4 children. This is not death, but a loss nonetheless. I am passionate about women charting their own course and in the end all we have is the moments that made a difference...make a difference to someone.

I'll shut the fuck up now. (SIGH)

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com ( http://www.lovebabz.blogspot.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

I seriously doubt that Rebecca meant to stir up the storm she did. I will take her word that she did not want it to be a Mommy War (I vomit in my mouth a little bit each time I have to type or say that phrase) and meant to speak her viewpoint on the topic. It blew up. Hopefully we can all learn to either think before hitting post or be willing to stand by our words...even if GMA comes a calling.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

"This is not our fight. This is afight that the media has manufactured for us."

Exactly. There really is nothing more I could add to that.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

You made some good points and I am glad that women are standing up and refusing to let anyone else speak for them. I could go on about it all, but have decided to listen to voices such as yours and hear what you all have to say about it.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

"I am tired of this I am a better mommy than you because I stay at home, or I go to work. Sisters we have got to rise above this fray and get to the table where decisions about health and well being are made."

Yes! YES! And YES!! Do NOT get me started on this wonderful bone the media loves to play with called the Mommy Wars.

Bring politics into this issue. Let's unite and stop dividing the Motherhood Brigade! If for just a while we would stop the judgment, women would be a force that could change this country for the better for everyone!

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

Thank you so much for both educating me and correcting me.

My perception came from a quote I took from Elizabeth Edwards in the addition to her memoir where she stated, "We are not in denial. I will die much sooner than I want to." That quote broke my heart and stuck with me. She went on to say, "Emma Claire and Jack make the days or years I have left so full of joy and purpose." I want more than anything in this world for a breakthrough for Mrs. Edwards. For you. For every woman who has this horrific disease.

Could you email me privately (needs dot coffee at gmail dot com) so we can talk more about this issue? I think you have a tremendous wealth of knowledge that I would love to hear and learn from.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

PunditMom 5 pts

I had commented over at the SVMoms on this, but for some reason it didn't get posted. The thing that really got me on this one was Eisenberg's comment that her essay wasn't about the Mommy Wars.

If her comments and criticisms weren't about that, then I don't know what they were. Spewing vitriole about the mothering and career choices of another woman in the way that she did clearly falls into that category. And we just don't need anymore of that.

I was VERY excited to see that Elizabeth Edwards caught wind of it and commented so eloquently.

laurie 5 pts

First of all, Jenn, I want to thank you for this post. It is thoughtful, clear and balanced and I agree with every one of you that EE is a remarkable woman who is making choices that feel right to her given her family's goals and their particular set of circumstances.

And who among us can say that our children have always behaved in public exactly the way we would wish them to?

I feel compelled to clarify that Elizabeth Edwards is not "dying." Nor is her cancer "terminal" (please accept this gentle feedback in the spirit in which it is intended. I really do think you wrote a brilliant post, Jenn).

While it is true that Stage 4 breast cancer cannot be cured (and there is no Stage 5), Elizabeth is currently asymptomatic and otherwise, quite healthy. Furthermore, metastasis (spread of cancer) to the bones is considered to have the best prognosis of all mets. To say that someone is terminal means that they are in the last stages of of life and this is far from the case with Ms. Edwards.

I, too, had the chance to meet Elizabeth at the BlogHer conference (I was blown away by her at the Q&A session). I told her, that, as someone who is also a mother with Stage 4 breast cancer (mine spread to my liver), I found her to be an inspiration - a living reminder that having metastatic cancer doesn't mean that life is over.

Her response was quite similar to that posted above - that her message to those who think she shouldn't be living the way she does is a) I hope this never happens to you and b) unless it has, then you really don't know what it's like.

I agree with all of you who say, that, as mothers, we need to stop judging each other. And Jenn, you really nailed it for me, when you wrote the following:

" I would never dare to say I understand what she is going through. Therefore, how could I ever try to tell her what is wrong or right for her life. I would hope that given her circumstances and trying to live her life as a mother in the spotlight with a terminal disease, I would be as courageous as she is."

Thanks to all of you for being such smart, thoughtful women. This is why I love BlogHer so much.

laurie
www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com ( http://www.notjustaboutcancer.blogspot.com )

Lovebabz 5 pts

GMA only calls to elevate this. Women have the power right now to shut this nonsense down. To not give it any more press than it has already gotten. This is not our fight. This is afight that the media has manufactured for us. Our fight is about all the things we said we cared about in the blogher polls. Our fight is with stamping out injustice and raising strong girls and caring boys. Our fight ain't with each other about who's the better mother. There is no such thing. Except the fight for a better, cleaner, healthier Mother Earth.

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com ( http://www.lovebabz.blogspot.com )

PegCrossan 5 pts

I probably would have ignored this sort of stuff about mommy wars and such if Rebecca hadn't followed up with another post ( http://svmomblog.typepad.com/silicon_valley_moms_b... ) on this topic.

But I couldn't keep quiet ( http://peggys-musings.blogspot.com/2007/08/people-... ) after reading that...

Peg
Peggy, As She Is... ( http://peggys-musings.blogspot.com )

Lovebabz 5 pts

Here is another example of women focusing on issues that has no relevence to anything that affects America. Elizabeth is a smart accomplished woman with cancer, so how does that affect isses that are important to to the survival of this country. It seems that women are good at tearing down other women for the choices we make and that is where the problem is. Rather than spending time ranting about Mrs. Edwards parenting skills why not ask her questions that help us understand why we ought to vote for her husband. How would he allocate resources toward issues that matter to us. This so-called mommy war is designed to keep us focused on a fight that has no end. It is atool to distract us from focusing on how to get our troops back, how to fund education, how to insure our citizens. I am tired of this I am a better mommy than you because I stay at home, or I go to work. Sisters we have got to rise above this fray and get to the table where decisions about health and well being are made. Men get this, you never hear about Father Wars--it doesn't exist.
I applaud Mrs. Edwards.

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com ( http://www.lovebabz.blogspot.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

Isn't that what we all want to do? Do what is right for our own families. You made some great points. Thanks for sharing your opinion with me on this.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

If for some reason someone didn't follow Jen's link, I highly recommend you read it ( http://www.jenlemen.com/blog/?p=214 ) to get a glimpse into the person that Elizabeth Edwards is.

I especially liked the part where she looked you in the eyes and said, “This is what I want, what we want. ” That should silence critics. It is what SHE and her husband and family want. Her family. Her choice.

Thanks for sharing that, Jen!

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

I would never dare to say I understand what she is going through. Therefore, how could I ever try to tell her what is wrong or right for her life. I would hope that given her circumstances and trying to live her life as a mother in the spotlight with a terminal disease, I would be as courageous as she is.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom! ( http://www.workitmom.com )

Jenn Satterwhite 5 pts

Stop judging each other. Not just moms. Moms. Women. All of us. When the moms go after each other it just fuels the fire of the Mommy Wars. For that matter, women judging other women in general needs to stop. That is the conclusion that Rebecca came to as well as the majority of her commenters. I can say, that is true of all women. I certainly don't agree with what many women say or do, but who am I to judge what they do or why they do it? I am responsible for what is right for my family. Only.

You are right on when you say there is too much hate in this world. I am glad to see people--even through their blogs-- work it out.

~Jenn~
Mommy Needs Coffee ( http://mommyneedscoffee.com ) | Mommybloggers ( http://mommybloggers.com ) | Fresh Brewed Reviews ( http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com/freshbrewed/ ) | Work It, Mom! ( http://www.workitmom.com )

elleinthecity 5 pts

First, kudos for a great summary of the discussion.

Second, think about if Ms. Edwards were not fighting cancer - wouldn't she still want her kids with her? And isn't it her choice? And who is to say that Jack wouldn't have pulled the same fit with dad if they were at home? That's what a normal child does! John was trying to make him be polite and show respect to the reporter, and the reporter made it look like he was being cruel to the kid, which he wasn't.

This is a choice that the Edwards family made. A choice made my parents who know their kids better than anyone. Who are we to decided whether it was right or wrong? Who are we to judge them?

trueconfessions.wordpress.com ( http://trueconfessions.wordpress.com )

jenlemen 5 pts

jenn--i asked EE about this directly at blogher this year and her answer has helped me tremendously as a mother who struggles about what i "should" or "should not" do when it comes to evaluating my life in light of my children's. i wrote about it www.jenlemen.com ( http://www.jenlemen.com ) art, soul and stories for everyday

Kalyn Denny 5 pts

Really a great post on this! I have nothing but respect for Elizabeth Edwards, and continue to admire her tremendous courage in making the choices she feels are best for her and her family in the light of incredibly difficult circumstances.

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen ( http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com )

Catherine Morgan 5 pts

This story makes me very sad. There is no "right" or "wrong" here, except that it is "wrong" to stand in judgment of each other. If you have not literally walked in the shoes of Mrs. Edwards, you CAN NOT (and should not) judge her.

What is more harmful to these children; being with their loving parents on a presidential campaign trail, or hearing all these hateful words about their mother? I think the answer is clear.

Moms, please don't stand in judgment of each other...There is no right or wrong way to raise our children, what is important is that we are raising them with love and doing the best we can.

Do you remember what YOUR mom told YOU when you were growing up?

I think it was something like this..."If you don't have anything nice to say, then just don't say anything at all." -- Words to live by if you ask me.

Just one more thing...Don't you think there is already enough hate in this world?

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
also at Women 4 Hope ( http://women4hope.wordpress.com/ ) and Informed Voters ( http://informedvoters.wordpress.com/ )