Emotional Cheating. When is it ok to Cross the "Right to Privacy" line?
By unlucky_in_love on July 26, 2011
So, my boyfriend and I amongst all of our troubles decided that we should both have each other’s facebook and email passwords a while back. He gave me his, I gave him mine. With the inappropriate “friendship” (emotional affair) he was having with this other woman I felt it was a move towards being more open and honest. I, after all, had nothing to hide. He knew my trust had been worn thin by the secrets/betrayal/lies that had been told over the past several months and I thought he was making a good faith effort to show me he was serious about this new found honesty.
It lasted less than a week. Since I did have all the passwords, I knew via an email notification that he had changed his facebook password. OK, I thought-I would still be able to read the emails if he exchanged private messages (via facebook) with this woman. Mind you, I still understand there are ways they can communicate besides facebook and email. Well imagine my surprise (said sarcastically) when there was an exchange of emails between the two of them the day I went out of town. FML! I believe he has also turned off this function so that there are no more emails when there are facebook messages. Like I said, I know they communicate otherwise. Cell phone mainly. He usually keeps his cellphone messages very well deleted at the end of the day. I have come across some but certainly not as many.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. He had logged on to his facebook on my computer and with a little “tweaking” I was able to get his password again. And then he busted me looking at it. Well, we had a pretty good spat about it but he understood that all of this has made me “crazy”. I never considered looking at his cell phone or email until 3 months ago. Now I feel like it’s the “Chamber of Secrets”. I have never been a stalker/jealous/controlling type person but in this situation, I have to “know” whether or not he’s being truthful because he has been untruthful in the past about this woman. He says he wants to be here, he loves me. I just don’t think that he gets it-he can’t call two women “baby” he can’t tell two women “love you” “miss you”. I understand the need for privacy-we all have to have that I just feel like anything to do with this “friendship” needs to be in the open.
So, some of you will say “If you can’t trust them, get rid of them” others say “Well, he hasn’t slept with her so it’s not REALLY cheating”. I have just told him point blank what I want is for him to be honest about it-just let me know when you speak to her or run into her (which I rarely think is a coincidence).
Was it wrong to look at his emails-even when he had given me his passwords? Is he being wrong to continue to try and hide things? Personally, I said I will have honesty whatever the cost – even if it costs me the relationship.
Where do you draw the line when you are in a committed relationship? What's ok and what's not?
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