Emotional depletion recovery.

How do I nourish my soul when I am emotionally depleted?

A lifetime of learning HOW to take care of myself has gotten me this far.

Emotional depletion is an end stage. I have been there. I have stayed there. Today, I can get myself out of "there" but I do not always use my powers for good.

I am flawed. I am weak. I give in as much as I rise above. Sometimes I want to stand in my depletion. Wallow in it even. Sometimes I want to stuff it. Way fricking down. Untouchable places.

I did not always know HOW to take care of myself. How to nourish my fractured soul. I used dangerous behavior as a coping mechanism. Outrageous drinking. Anonymous sex. You know...my 20's.

I broke apart at about the age of 27. Just a pile of sadness. Deep, penetrating sadness that enveloped me like a funeral shroud. I was mourning my losses. I was blaming and shaming and drowning. I saw no future and I scorned my past. I was fully a wreck. Legitimately. Certifiably even.

With unconditional love from my sisters. Amazing clinicians. And some scrap of self-worth that was magically revealed to me at my lowest low, I got through it.

I learned how to take care of the pieces of my heart that were broken. I learned actual coping mechanisms for dealing with my losses. For dealing with my emotional pain. I was encouraged to "forgive" my offenders. I never fully embraced this forgiveness and it is a choice now not a burden. Let me say that I was saved and I am here and my experience is a lesson and a touch point for me as I moved on, and now that I am wife and a mother, it is a constant source of inspiration.

I had a situation last week with my daughter that put me in an emotion death spiral. I was overwhelmed and I was very hesitant to reach out to anyone for comfort. Through some miracle, a friend happened to come by my car as I waited to pick up my child from school. I was barely holding my shit together and this woman, maybe intuitively knew it? I dumped my emo storm all over her. She listened and kindly supported me. All 100 of my crazy feelings. I bet she doesn't know how much it helped me. She will now.

I need to still practice the act of "asking for help". I much prefer to be the helper though.

I took almost an entire day to wallow in my emotions around this thing with my daughter. It worried my husband and made my girl feel guilty. I knew it was going to be short lived and I needed to do it. I made a conscious choice to take care of myself no matter how it was perceived or received by my family. It was what I needed.

This idea that taking care of me does not have a time slot in my day is old news. I do it the best I can almost every day. When life overwhelms me and I have to give away more than I receive, knowing that I have reliable life skills to "get me through it" is a comfort beyond measure.

Practicing the art of self-nourishing is necessary. I can appreciate the value today, as I raise young women. Women especially need to take care of their souls. No one can give us what we can NOT give ourselves.  The idea of being emotionally FULL, and that being the condition we should be in when we choose to share a life with someone else....it shouldn't be a novel concept, but many times it is.

I can tell my girls that it is A-Okay to be emotionally depleted. I can tell them that the companion piece to the depletion is taking the time to nourish and recharge.

I have a duty to demonstrate the behavior. A. Duty.

I am doing it. I will continue to do so. I will be here for my daughters in all the ways I was abandoned by my own mother.

I am their "safe place to fall". Trust me.

I am going to pray that my example and unwavering support will help them to never have to get as low as I once got.

Prayer is the basis for all of my parenting.

It is part of my nourishing process.

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