Emotionally Exhausted

Y’all, I am at the end of my rope. I have tied a not in it and am hanging on, but my arms are really getting tired.

First, my mom’s selective amnesia is killing me. She forgets/rewrites past events when she did something wrong. I haven’t forgotten. She then brings up the events and if confused as to why I am upset when she didn’t *do* anything. She eventually starts whinging that maybe I am inventing stuff or misremembering to make her look bad.

That drives a normal person nuts; imagine what it does to an Aspy.

Fortunately I‘ve learned to keep cooperating evidence. She then asks me why I “keep bringing stuff up” about a topic she called me to talk about.

This gets old, y’all. I kept my temper, but it is really REALLY hard to do and leaves me depleted like I ran a marathon.

Added to that, Gamer (Gozer’s brother) has told Taintface and BabyBro that I told him his mother didn’t miss him. Do I even have to state it here that this is a lie?  Mom keeps asking me if maybe he “overheard something”. Nope. I was careful. Very careful. Why? Because I would never hurt that child by telling him or letting him overhear the idea that his mom didn’t miss him.

So why is Gamer lying? Because in abusive and/or insecure households kids learn to lie more and better in order to survive.

“Ultimately, even young children learn survival skills. In situations where they are being severely punished, children learn ways to avoid that punishment. They learn how to lie and how to do it effectively. As children get older, those lies get bitter.”

Taintface, with her emotional rages, is scary. She doesn’t hit the kids, but she screams. She makes “rage-face”. They are afraid of her temper. The smarter the kid, the better the survivor/liar. Gamer is smart; Game lies like a rug. He is doing the best he can and his lies break my heart rather than anger me.

Why this particular lie, though?

Gamer, in particular, tries to please Taintface as much as he tries to escape punishment. If (and I think we can take it as a given) Taintface is stupid/insensitive/selfish enough to talk about our … dispute … in front of the kids, Gamer is going to learn that telling her bad things about me is going to get him attention, love, and please the twisted twatwaffle who birthed him.

The lies are going to get worse, I’m sure.

Taintface and Babybro also gave him an “old” iphone when one of them upgraded to a newer model. (How nice to have so much disposable income thanks to my parents covering bills, no?) Gamer, being smart, blew through the parental blacks and found porn. His biological dad, who is smart enough to check the browser history, found it out and took away the phone. There is, understandably, concern about a 9 year old watching hardcore porn.

He tried, briefly, to blame it on Lilo. That didn’t work because 1) he didn’t have his iphone here and 2) Granny called him on it and he burst into repentant tears.

He wants to be moral. He says he doesn’t “know why” he lies.

I know why you lie, Gamer. I do. I love you and forgive you, sweetie.

Your mother, however, can suck my metaphorical dick for the rest of her life.

I’m tired. So, so tired.

Update: Sweet Babou just pointed out that the lies against us could become dangerously large. Pardon me while I regrow an ulcer.

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