![Nora pretends not to know us copy by (Lawyer Mama [Steph]), http://www.flickr.com/photos/lawyermama/2694030307/in/pool-726187@N25](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3180/2694030307_db96ccbde4_t.jpg "Nora pretends not to know us copy by (Lawyer Mama [Steph]), http://www.flickr.com/photos/lawyermama/2694030307/in/pool-726187@N25")
Even when the marriage is over, the divorce isn't. A contentious split that involves children assures an endless divorce. We may achieve a physical separation, but not an emotional one, given the challenges of shared custody. The divorce process is flawed and needs changing so all parties fair better. We need to create a groundswell of attention to the improvements needed. In the meantime, we can share invaluable insights and lessons learned (usually the hard way) to promote a better life for ourselves and our children.
Posted In Life Blogs | Health and Wellness Blogs | Law Blogs | Mommy and Family Blogs | Sex and Relationships Blogs
Comments (4)
Comments
Endless Need for a Lawyer
As births don't need to be done in a hospital, so divorces don't need to be in a court of law or supervised by the legal system. It seems that the whole premise of how divorces are handled needs to be revamped. Right now I am dealing with issues that were not spelled out in the PSA, and so, for the legal system, they don't exist and I need to deal with my ex. But, heck, if I could deal with my ex, maybe he wouldn't be my ex. It's an awful catch 22.
Endless Legal Hassles
Dear rebellious thinker.
You think like me and even sound like me. It's nice to hear another sane voice who looks at the legal process of divorce much as I do. I'm suppose to negotiate with my ex-husband about money and time with our kids. The court created a legal document of what we are suppose to live by and yet, there is no enforcement, and as you say, if we could agree, we'd still be together. Instead, he is in contempt and is likely to continue to ignore the legal rules since there's nothing to compell him to comply because his needs come first and only.
I went through 5 attorneys, each of whom simply took my money and ran. Now I am representing my self and expect to do much better, if only because I won't bankrupt myself further. I wonder if others struggle with attorneys who disappoint rather than really try to represent an earnest mom?
I'd welcome more of your comments. I wish you'd visit my blog as I'd love to hear your responses to some of the issues I am raising.
My warmest regards, JoGo
The Aftermath
I am divorced 2 years last month and found myself back in court today. He has not paid child support in 5 months and is now petitioning the court to dismiss it altogether. After 3 years and tens of thousands of dollars to come to agreement on custody and support, I have to re-hire my lawyer to fight to keep those agreements in tact.
The system is terribly flawed. The financial and emotional cost on all parties turns what is already a tragic situation into something so much more devastating than it needs to be.
Christie Brinkley's divorce coverage will hopefully raise awareness to some of these problems and open new dialogues for changing a terribly defective system.
Divorce Should Not Be a Punishment
I'm sorry for what you and your children are going through. One of the reasons I got divorced was so that my daughters would see that this is not what a marriage is supposed to be. But the length of time and their exposure to our animosity is surely not helping; although in spite of it all it is infinitely better than if I had stayed in--and did not attempt to show them that that is not love and certainly not a good relationship.
Perhaps the first thing that needs to be done to change the system is to accept that divorce happens and not to make it a punishment. Punishment is what you get when you do something bad, but divorce is not because someone was bad (not necessarily, at least), rather it's what happens when life does different things to people. I should not be punished for having loved and having stopped to love.
Laura, blogging about love, lost love, and the hope of love at www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com.