Single Does Not = "Broken"

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In light of the recent developments in marriage equality, I’d like to address the concerns of single people.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with being single. I’m sick and tired of society pressuring everyone to "couple up" as quickly as possible, and if they don’t (or can’t), then they are obviously broken. I’ve seen the most messed up individuals in relationships. Seriously, I believed these people needed (and were not getting) psychological help. They were mentally abusive to whoever they were currently married to or dating. Despite that, these types of people are often regarded as normal when compared to women over 30 who are single and childless.

 

 

single yellow tulip in a retro bottle on a wooden background
Image: single yellow tulip in a retro bottle on a wooden background, Shutterstock

 

I just received an email from a PR company about a new book that came out based on one woman’s dating adventures. (No, it’s not mine.) This sentence in the email set me off: “Sarah was celebrating her 33rd year on the planet when she realized something alarming: It was her ninth consecutive birthday without a boyfriend...

First of all, in the 39 years I’ve been on this planet, I’ve only had TWO birthdays during which I had a boyfriend. While being single was a source of pain for me, it wasn’t because I wanted to hurry up, get married and have babies (PANIC! ALARM!). I was simply lonely. I wanted a companion.

Second, if a man over the age of 21 goes nine birthdays without a significant other, no one even blinks. Here are the only things that I know are true about being single:

  • Chances are that you are doing nothing wrong.
  • It is likely that it’s just not the right time yet (as maddening as that statement is). The universe works in mysterious ways.
  • Self-help books are not always helpful for actual dating. They can help you feel better about yourself, but they won’t find a date for you on Friday night or something a little more lasting.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being single. You have a ton of freedom.
  • It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship (even if society seems to suggest otherwise).

Can we, as a society, just calm the hell down and let people be single without pressuring them into relationships?

Can we also stop pressuring people to marry so damned early? When I was in my early to mid 20s, I was an idiot. I knew I was an idiot. I felt like I was still 18 until I was about 30. The more grown-up people are when they do get married and have babies, the better chance they will have of staying married. That, of course, is based on tons of scientific research ... known as common sense.

Reposted from my blog, Chronicles of Nothing.

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