Erotica and I
I'm posting this today because of something that I've had in my mind for really long now. I was brought up in a pretty orthodox Christian home, and am myself a very faithful believer in God, but of late I'm being troubled a lot by a little habit I picked up about a year back. I tend to read( and like ) erotic literature. I don't know how many people here approve of such things, in fact I really don't approve of it myself, but sometimes the urge is really hard to control. I have this huge inner turmoil that keeps coming up over and over again, and I find myself guilt ridden always.
I don't know how many women feel this way, but I have a feeling that a large majority does. My situation is such that my brain has somehow been programmed that I can't even think about "watching" pornography, but since there was never any real effort on my parents' part to prevent me from reading about such stuff, reading erotica doesn't invoke the same involuntary response of disgust that pornography does. I find myself praying and apologizing to God in prayer, but committing the same sin again because of my lack of self-control, I just want some magic potion that I can drink and it will take away this thing from me.
Do tell me if any of you have had a similar experience, or any suggestions that you might have regarding this guilt that I have inside of me.
If you think this post is a little offensive, let me know, I'll get rid of it. I just put it here becaue here I feel I might get insight from women across the social spectrum, and that might help me.