Essence Magazine Suggests That Black Women Troll Strip Clubs For Men

Cuz there are dingy middle aged dames who would consider this too. Scary, I know.

This is a deeper problem. Via culture, economics, fear, religion, whatever cause certain women to believe the only resource they can acquire is a man.

I think in their eyes he is an object. A commodity. That is their validation. That sets them above a woman who does not have one. To suggest that women go to the Strip Club is proof this is insanity in action.

When we get to the point of "any penis will do" there is an issue that is not spoken out loud. For me, part of that issue is "Are you self-contained? Can you be happy being true to yourself? What would it take for you to be secure? If you need a man to be secure what does that mean to you? If you list the things you want him to do for you, can you do them for yourself?

These women never get to that level of self-examination. I think there is a system in place that keeps many women from thinking about their needs. You have to work at it and deflect all the cultural crap coming your way.

This is deeper than the sex clubs. We say strip club but we know this is about a place where men can be sexual titillated or satisfied without commitment for a price or obligation.

Gena - Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com )

Did you ever meet a Black man that you really felt you’d like to get to know better?  You met him, say, at Barnes & Noble.  You had coffee there, exchanged numbers and hoped he’d call.  Doggone it, he did call and you get to add that second check mark to your list.  The first check being “meet a nice guy.”  Now, before he ever asks you out to dinner or to the park or on a picnic or out to lunch, he implies he wants to bed you A.S.A.P.  What do you do?

Here is the crux of my challenge with this article.  First, only desperate women will respond to this type of behavior.  Apparently there are a great many desperate women out there because many of the men I’ve encountered are offended if you hold your standard high enough that the member between his legs can’t reach it.  There must be something wrong with you since your panties didn’t fly off at the first offer.  Second, the term “find a man” is not in my vocabulary.  Mostly because I’m not really looking at this point; I have evolved beyond the need for a man to validate my existence.  Thank you, ex-husband, for that valuable lesson.  Also, because the book I read implies that it is better if he finds you instead.

Now, let’s take a look at the age difference.  Herein also lies the challenge.  Young women, please devote that valuable man-finding energy toward you, and the right man will indeed notice.  If you are trolling strip clubs, he will be attracted to you because somewhere deep inside his masculine logic, you are at that strip club because you like half-naked women just like he does and hooking up with you will most certainly guarantee him a three-way.  The idea reeks of stupidity (yes, I said it; I don’t care what mag/rag you write for).  It also reeks of perpetuating the stereotype of the desperate sistah who can’t find a man because all the Black ones are dead or in jail.  I bet you think it’s sexy when a man refers to women as bitches, too, dontcha?  Oh, puh-leeeze!  Go snag yourself of the lonely White guys who would love to have a woman (whatever the skin tone) he can treat like a queen.  Trouble with that idea is that you must act like a queen, not like a woman who trolls strip clubs for a date.

Iva

No Retreat -- No Surrender!

Is that there is this assumption that it is the fault of black women as to why they are single, and more hurtful, is the assumption that there is something inherently wrong with us.

Additionally, there is this assumption that 'having a man' is a badge of honor. it serves as a symbol to the outside world that because someone finds us desirable enough to mate we must all not be that bad. I'm used to getting that message through the general media market and I think it is sad to get that message through a publication directed towards black women.

I admire many of the women I have met who believe that their self-worth and developing themselves as adults, believing in their beauty and not relying on an outside source for validation. Out of everything, I think that is the message that should be relayed - as the lack of self-esteem in our community is more important than anything.  

Contributing Editor - Race, Ethnicity & Culture

Blog: Writing is Fighting: www.lainad.typepad.com ( http://www.lainad.typepad.com/ )

Writer: Consequence of Sound: www.consequenceofsound.net ( http://www.consequenceofsound.net/ )

This is an excellent post, Laina. Like some others commenting, I stopped subscribing to Essence a while back and so I didn't see this idiotic advice. 

All I could think about, especially after reading the Essence writer's defense of the advice was a biblical proverb that some people return to their sins like dogs to their vomit.  Going to a strip club to look for a man sounds like going backward to feeling insecure and being so desperate for a man, any man, you'll take whatever pile of poop you find.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

Somebody of Susan Taylor's caliber would have caught this crap.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

I am one of the many who stopped buying Essence years ago, and I see that I'm not missing anything at all.  I remember the days when I could read about a truly diverse population of black women, and see women that looked, talked, and acted like I did.  Now that the magazine is in the wrong hands, it seems to be spiraling fast towards the gutter.

Essence used to be all about the diversity of blackwomanhood. They used to make an effort to show women of all skin tones and hair textures. Ida Lewis, the founding editor, and her successor, Marcia Ann Gillespie, regularly ran articles about the lives of African-descended women outside of the US. They ran stories on domestic violence. They talked about lesbians, polyamorous women, and women who felt they needed share a man. Gwen Goldsby Grant talked real talk about sex, and Julianne Malveaux was the personal finance columnist. June Jordan, Nikki Giovanni and Sonia Sanchez's poetry graced the pages, alongside fiction from Paule Marshall and Alice Walker. That's what made it a compelling read. Today's version is a sad shadow of its former self.

KimBlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://blogher.org/blog/kim-pearson )|Professor Kim ( http://professorkim.blogspot.com/ )|

 I was talking to a friend about this last night, and she also mentioned that she had stopped buying Essence years ago. Not only are they pandering to negative representations within black popular culture, they have really alienated a segment of the population who feels that the idealized version of an African-American woman that they think they are targeting does not really exist.

My friend mentioned that as a woman with dreadlocks, she had noticed that they almost never have hair care tips about natural hair, and there is this assertion that in the workplace, one must straighten their hair or wear extentions. She felt that the magazine no longer (maybe it never did) represents the diversity within black communities and as the world rapidly changes, it seems like they have reverted back in time.  

Contributing Editor - Race, Ethnicity & Culture

Blog: Writing is Fighting: www.lainad.typepad.com ( http://www.lainad.typepad.com/ )

Writer: Consequence of Sound:

I also quit Essence years ago just because of articles like this.  

Aside from the obvious problems with the article's premise, assuming that the men in strip clubs are available is ridiculous.  There are a whole lot of married men in strip clubs.  Are the writers of the article suggesting we go after them as well?

And for someone to say that "at least you'll know the men in strip clubs are straight" implies that for us single women, as long as a man is straight, any man will do.

Sorry, not for me.

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ ) 

Ewww. Maybe they are going to the A-level high priced so-called Gentlemen clubs but even so the men there are not looking to strike up a conversation!

The men are going to watch half and 3/4 naked women gyrate and possibly dance. They are drinking. And for a fact there is sex in the Champagne room!

Maybe if you are looking for a "hit it and quit" but a life partner? At a strip club? That is like going to AA in search of a guy on the verge of recovery. Calculatingly stupid.

Maybe it is that hard up out there but damn, strip clubs? With essence of Mary Jane and Clorox in the air?

I'm just stunned. I can't even get angry. Well yeah, give me time.

Gena - Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com )

Essence has been running content that's far removed from its founders' vision for a while now: promoting vulgar "street lit"like "Thugs and the Women Who Love Them." articles promoting frivolous plastic surgery, and other stories that don't seem to address the realities of black women's lives the way they once did. Then again, they're no longer the only game in town, and a lot has changed since they were my "must-read magazine" back in my youth. 

KimBlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://blogher.org/blog/kim-pearson )|Professor Kim ( http://professorkim.blogspot.com/ )|

One more reason to feel good that I cancelled my subscription years ago.  What a shame that this magazine has come to this.

Anali's First Amendment ( http://analisfirstamendment.blogspot.com/ )