Ever Put BOTH Feet in your Mouth?

A couple of months ago, I went to my
therapist's office but before I proceeded to bore him to death with my
"issues", I decided to first use the restroom. For this, a key was
required and so, as soon as I walked into the waiting area, I grabbed
what I THOUGHT was the key to the LADIES room.

Now this type of bathroom is the kind where there is ONE stall and a
couple of sinks. Soooo, in I went and was about to begin my business
when I heard someone enter. Naturally, or maybe, unnaturally, I glanced
underneath the stall and saw two big JEAN covered legs attached to two
CONSTRUCTION BOOT covered feet.

Mortified, I went to grab for the key just to reassure myself that I
was in fact in the gender appropriate place but realized that brilliant
me had left it on the counter, next to the sink.

Not knowing what else to do, I proceeded to tell him:

JESSICA: Sir, this is the ladies room.

to which SHE replied:

WOMAN: I know, that's why I'm here.

Well, by now, I was all done and ready to leave but instead of
walking out, I proceeded to plan how I would live out the rest of my
life in this here stall with florescent lighting, a toilet bowl and my
old "issues" to which I had just added a "new" one and was now more
desperate than ever to share.

I then continued to sit inside the stall for over an hour..okay,
minute...until, thankfully, bless the Lord, the lady washed her hands
and left.

After this episode, I swore, I would never make an assumption like that again and didn't until last week when...

I went to Forever 21 (because I refuse to believe I'm anything but)
and after trying on several dresses, picked one that not only looked
cute but was age appropriate meaning, I can actually bend down and pick
something up and not have the world seeing the ghosts floating around
in what is now my haunted "girl castle".

As I was leaving, I saw a different dress that I liked better and
thought about trying it on but when I looked back at the dressing room
area, a long line had formed and I decided not to bother. Instead, I
turned to the salesPERSON, who happened to be standing by the rack
reorganizing the other dresses, and asked this PERSON:

JESSICA: Excuse me, do you think I could wear....

Suddenly, I stopped myself because it hit me that this PERSON was a
MAN/BOY and likely wouldn't know if a strapless bra would work
underneath...ANYTHING. Soooo, I changed my mind and said:

JESSICA: Nothing, I'll go ask a gir....

but once more stopped myself because after looking a bit closer it
dawned on me, "Oh my God, MAN/BOY is really a GIRL/TOMBOY and here I go
AGAIN!!!

So confused and not taking any chances, I asked straight out:

JESSICA: Do you think I could wear this with a strapless bra? To
which HE/SHE/THEM gave me a weird look and then began to say something
and although HE/SHE/THEM'S lips were moving, I'm pretty sure no sound
came out, unless I'm now COMPLETELY deaf and to which, of course, led
me to then ask:

JESSICA: Is there a ladies room around here?

 

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.