- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 0
- 0
-
Sparkle (0)
I believe the need to feel validated is a part of our survival instincts that have been deeply ingrained in us since time began. Feeling that we matter and that we are valuable gave us assurance that others would think of us and help our very survival. In fact, this emotional need is so critical to our overall health and wellbeing that when this need is not met early in life, there is a huge risk of personality, mental, and emotional disorders, such as Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and other stress related illnesses and neurosis. Adults react strongly as well and can suffer extreme damage if they remain in an invalidating environment.
What kind of validating environment are you and your partner or spouse providing for each other? During those first throws of romance, validation was extreme. Our self worth, self esteem, and feelings about our partner were all heightened. The trick to maintaining those honeymoon feelings is to learn nine simple keys, and learning to validate each other is one of them.
The most simple definition of validation is that it is to confirm what your are observing, hearing, or witnessing about another person. As simple as it sounds, it's one of the most important basic emotional needs. But it's amazing how often we don't take that extra thirty seconds or few minutes to present our partners with such an important gift.
As part of The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship, the key of validation is broken down into several components. One is to look at invalidating actions, then a three step method is given to begin correcting invalidation and to create an environment where everyone can benefit from one of these most important emotional needs.
Examples of Invalidating Actions:
- Your partner shares their feelings and you say "You shouldn't feel that way", Or "What about how I'm feeling?", or "Don't be stupid". Or worse yet, "You just want to bitch".
- Your partner is trying to talk to you, but you only half listen while you continue to play video games, watch t.v., type on your computer, text, or some other form of rudeness. Yes, that is rude. Look at someone when they are talking to you, when your life is over you'll wish you'd spent more time paying attention to your loved ones than your material possessions, so give them your time willingly.
- You immediately say "I don't have time for this", "Don't even go there", or "I don't want to talk about it". If you are truly that crunched for time, or if the topic is too sensitive to talk about at that moment then let your partner know FIRST that you realize that what they have to say is important. Then let them know this moment is not good for you and suggest a time when you will be better able to communicate with them. It might look like this, "Honey, I see this is something we need to talk about. I am really tied up right now, but want to give you my full attention. Can we talk in about fifteen minutes?"
Now that you know what not to do, let's talk about working on validating each other instead. Your communication levels will become more open, loving and trusting. Walls of resentment, abandonment issues and trust issues will melt away. Caustic elevations of arguing, complaining, bickering and nagging will also become a thing of the past.
Validating is Simple, Use this Three Step Method:
Okay, before I get into the three step method, I have to tell you that it IS a simple process. It's very difficult to excel in. Practice makes progress though and this is a practice you definitely want to become very serious about if you hope to create the best possible relationship.
The Three Step Method:
- Validating another person means you listen to them. Put down the cell phone, stop texting, look AT your partner, and listen to them.
- The second step is to to accept what they are saying and back that up with a supporting comment or action (Such as a hug or assuring touch). Now, this is important. You do not have to agree with what was said. You might think your partner is off their rocker and completely wrong. It is invalidating and just plain offensive to point that out right away though.
- So, you accept what they said. At that point, you may ask for clarification to make sure you understand them completely. Keep repeating all three steps
