Everything I never wanted to know about breasts I learned from Facebook
by Mir Kamin

You know I can't pass up a good breastfeeding discrimination story, right?

With the "boobs on a plane" and "boobs on the cover" scandals not yet distant memories, and World Breastfeeding Week just last month, of course it's only fitting that now the ultimate model of appropriate social comportment, Facebook (stop laughing), decides to let us all know that breastfeeding is obscene.

Phew. And I thought they were just a networking site! I had no idea they were run by the morality brigade! I mean, if all the pornography there is any indication. Which apparently it isn't.

Let's start at the beginning. Where does any such story start? Why, with someone deciding that a breastfeeding baby is offensive, of course. And no one wants those offensive pictures shoved in their face. You know, shoved in your face on a site you have to join... where the pictures are tucked into a folder labeled "breastfeeding." Right in your face, like that.

You can follow one woman's timeline over at One small step for breastfeeding..., where the actual correspondence between lactivist and Facebook member Karen Strong and various Facebook staff can be read in its entirety. On August 27th, Karen's account was permanently deleted with the following "explanation," if you can call this sort of dogmatic non-information that:

Hi Karen,
After reviewing your situation, we have determined you violated ourTerms of Use. Please note, nudity, drug use, or other obscene contentis not allowed on the website. Additionally, we do not allow users to send threatening, obscene, and harassing messages. Unsolicited messages will also not be tolerated. We will not be able to reactivate your account for any reason. This decision is final.
Thanks for understanding,
Anthony
Customer Support Representative
Facebook

.

In the meantime, the Facebook group Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! is nearing 8,000 members at last count. Apparently Facebook didn't get the memo. But they sure are getting talked about.

When's the last time you read a post about breastfeeding over at TechCrunch? Hmmm, how about yesterday? At least writer Duncan Riley related the story with a bit of good humor:

Facebook spokeswoman Meredith Chin said Facebook does not prevent lactivists from uploading photos of themselves breastfeeding, but went on to say "Photos containing an exposed breast do violate our Terms and are removed". Now I might be male so I have no recent first hand experience but I'm confused as to how breast feeding cannot include breasts?

I didn't expect to find much male commentary on this one, but in actuality I discovered there was no shortage of men just as outraged as their female counterparts. John Allsop manages to politely suggest that Facebook may have really stepped in it this time:

I suspect if Facebook don't resolve this one a lot better than they appear to have attempted to do so far, it will cost them billions.

Next to tech geeky types, and perhaps no less so, women with young children, not least of them those who breastfeed, are the most connected, online types I know. This woman is a member of a group of 6000 or more members, which is far from small, but not a group to get offside, would be my advice.

I don't think we'll have heard the last of this.

(Do click through to Allsop's post and read the comments, as they are chock-full of interesting commentary on both sides of the issue.)

Mike Bogle is putting his actions where his opinion is: He's gone ahead and deleted his Facebook account in this face of what he calls "inherently flawed logic:"

[...] even in Western Society the appropriateness of exposed breasts will depend on the context in which they appear. The same pair of boobs would be called art in a gallery, but smut in a seedy porn shop if the manner in which they were portrayed were different.

He continues:

For normal people it's all down to motives. Apparently not for Facebook.
[...]
I have no desire to be a part of an application whose basis for their Terms and Conditions is so incredibly flawed and discriminatory; who are so unwilling to reconsider their own shortsightedness; and one might say so fascist in the iron-fisted nature of their administrative and user management processes.

Shakesville's Melissa McEwan gets straight to the crux of the matter:

Naturally, the only pictures of breastfeeding allowed are ones taken from an angle in which the baby's head obscures the actual breast from which it's feeding. Or a baby blanket has been carefully arranged to cover the breast right up to baby's lips.

The reason I know this, in spite of also having no recent first-hand experience with breastfeeding, is because I am an American woman, and thusly I have been trained since birth to know all the ways in which I am meant to be ashamed of my body and how best to cover its sinful shame. Comes with the territory.

Congratulations, Facebook. The only way you could've driven your point home to Karen Strong any more completely would've been to finish up with "Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pie." And don't you worry -- we all heard you loud and clear. The lactivists, the rest of the women, and all the men who, you know, live in this century. Nice work.

Contributing Editor Mir also blogs about issues parental and otherwise at Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Cornered Office, as well as sharing the joys of mindful retail therapy at Want Not.

Submitted by Mir Kamin (view blog) on Sat, 09/08/2007 - 11:28am

Comments

 

I feel like the one judge of

I feel like the one judge of pornography who said "I'll know it when I see it." I'm 99% in agreement with you. I think breastfeeding is important, awesome, and totally plan to do it. I can theoretically figure out ways to make it titillating. But I highly doubt that Ms. Strong intended it that way.

I have Facebook and am definitely joining that protest group!

Note: I just joined the group, and in running a search for it, I ran across apparently acceptable photos on other breastfeeding groups. Plenty of exposed breast, but Facebook hasn't shut them down yet.

Thanks for posting this.

Submitted by Mrs.Micah on Sat, 09/08/2007 - 12:12
 

Amazing.

Heaven forbid anybody should see a breast doing what god, evolution, or both designed it to do!

Submitted by Bridget Magnus on Sat, 09/08/2007 - 15:02
 

doing what it is designed to do

Bridget, do you feel the same way about other body parts, such as, a vagina, a penis, or an anus? Because if you feel differently about seeing photos of other body parts doing what "god, evolution, or both designed it to do", then perhaps you should reconsider if this is an appropriate reason or not.

Breastfeeding mothers say "it's natural". So is sex, and eliminating. In a civilized society we don't do those "natural" activities in public. If you want to head down this slippery slope, don't be upset when the next person wants to take a dump in the gutter, or have sex in the park, or show photos of those activities on facebook etc. "It's what god, evolution, or both, designed the body part to do."

There is a good reason to breastfeed in public - namely, the baby is hungry and *eating* is a natural function we all do in public. I suggest you stick with that one for promoting public breastfeeding. IMHO.

jc

Submitted by jcdill on Thu, 09/13/2007 - 08:04
 

I know that what I am about

I know that what I am about to say is not going to make me any friends - but I think it needs to be said. I am a mother, I breastfeed all three of mine - and I believe that world needs to be more excepting of that. BUT - I also think we as mothers have taken that to far.

Yes - breastfeeding is natural, and wonderful - that does not mean I need you see you pulling out your boob anywhere you please!! I have a 6 year old son, and a husband, neither of which need to see that. My husband has no problem with women breastfeeding in public - but he does have a problem with that including a naked breast. My son is 6 - just nearing the age where he realizes that boobs can also be for something else - and he does not need to know what his aunties, my friends or some random stranger looks like without a shirt on. Women today need to show a little modesty as well. I think we should all have the freedom to breastfeed in public - but I think WE as women need to have a little respect for other people around us as well.

As for the facebook thing - my son, as he often does, is sitting reading a book beside me right now. The last thing he would need to see is some random photo popping up with an exposed boob. I don't care how natural it is - I don't want him to see it. Sure - you can put it in a folder marked as what it is - but Facebook has to draw the line somewhere. As soon as they start making exceptions, where do they stop?

That doesn't even include the legalities of it. Facebook is a public site, accessible by minors. Having any form of nudity - be it exposed genetials or boobs - is illegal on a site accessible by minors. Any Form - period. SO - if your breast feeding pictures actually show a naked boob - they are illegal! If they say "Well, we'll make breastfeeding an exception" - next you'll have nudists claiming they should be allowed to post nude photos to, because after all, that's natural to right? OR - porn sites dedicated to lactation fetishes will want to be allowed to post their stuff to. Yes - there is such a thing, it's disgusting but there are tons of sites like that.

Having a child does not make it acceptable to be showing off your breasts in any forum where minors might be present. Sex and using the washroom are also both natural, necessary and good for you - but some things, even natural things, should be done discreetly and with respect to those around you, especially the minors.

Crystal Unrau
http://chrys.biz
http://twomomsinablog.com

Submitted by twomoms on Sat, 09/08/2007 - 17:24
 

Please reread that last excerpt, Crystal

The quote about having been taught to be ashamed of your body, that is. I think you just proved that point quite well.

First of all, none of the affected women on Facebook were having "random photos pop up with an exposed boob." The woman featured in this story, Karen Strong, had a separate folder containing nursing pictures. One would've had to look for and deliberately choose those photos to see them.

Second of all, it is now illegal in this country to interfere with and/or discriminate against a mother nursing her child. That is to say, IT IS LEGAL TO NURSE IN PUBLIC. How can a PICTURE of a LEGAL ACT be illegal? "Nudity in any form" is NOT illegal, as you are asserting here. Sorry.

If a woman is stripped down naked to nurse her baby at the mall, I agree that's a bit much. But we're talking about pictures of the very natural act of feeding one's offspring, which may happen to give a glimpse of breast. Maybe such pictures will help women who are on the fence about whether or not to nurse get over their fears and try it. I have no idea.

What I do know is that boiling this down to "women need to be more modest" indicates that the patriarchy's culture of shame is alive and well. How sad.

Mir

--
Mir from WCS
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

Submitted by Mir Kamin on Sun, 09/09/2007 - 05:24
 

Mir Said It Best With:

What I do know is that boiling this down to "women need to be more modest" indicates that the patriarchy's culture of shame is alive and well. How sad.

Amen and a half.

It is a sad, sad thing when the general public flips out over pictures of Maggie Gyllenhal breastfeeding in public... but ooh's and ahh's over her most recent lingerie spread. (Which, btw, was striking, but I was also not offended by her FEEDING HER CHILD. Goodness.)

Quite frankly, breastfeeding has little to do with "modesty." Most mothers I know aren't thinking, "Ya know, when I switch breasts, I bet I can either turn on the guy across the room or gross out his grandmother. Either or. Let's go for it!" They're thinking, "Okay, I think it's been about fifteen minutes on this breast, right? I mean, his sucking is slowing and he's looking a bit sleepy. So I should switch before he falls asleep and we have a fight to finish this feeding. And then he'll be off for the rest of the day. And my breasts will be engorged. And I won't sleep tonight because he won't sleep tonight and, dang it, he's asleep."

Family Living; Hatfield Style - Our Family Blog.
Birth/First Parent Blog
The Chronicles of Munchkin Land.

Submitted by JennaHatfield on Sun, 09/09/2007 - 16:36
 

I have already stated my

I have already stated my opinion on most of this and i think that restating it is pointless - we are all entitled to our own beliefs. I did want to reply to the comment about being insecure about my body.

I have been blessed with lovely, d sized cups that are amazingly firm for having nursed three children (yes, I nursed all three of mine, I am not against nursing). Anyway - if there was any part of my body that I would be most comfortable with flaunting - my breasts would be it. They are probably one of my favorite parts of my body - other then my face which I love as well. Insecurity has nothing to do with it. I simply believe that we live in a culture that sees breast as sexual and all the whining and complaining in the world will not change that. I am pretty sure your husband things yours are sexy to. That's life. Sex and my sexy self is for my husbands business and no one elses - and so, he is the only man who will be seeing my boobs (other then the occasional doctor).

Crystal Unrau
http://chrys.biz
http://twomomsinablog.com

Submitted by twomoms on Thu, 09/13/2007 - 10:55
 

Couldn't disagree more

You and I definitely approach body image and breastfeeding VERY differently in our homes. Our family calendar is a breastfeeding calendar, because I am no longer breastfeeding, and I want my kids (especially my eight-year-old son) to see a baby breastfeeding every single day. It is not an issue. It IS natural. Blowing your nose is natural, too. Are we going to equate that to sex?

Funny, but our more modern society has equated breasts with genitals. Think about it for a minute. They're not genitals.

On that note, I'm going to just cut and paste a recent comment I made on my own blog, cause I'm just too tired to paraphrase tonight (in response to a friend that feels since breasts can be sexual AND for breastfeeding - even as stated in the Bible - that they are, therefore completely sexual):

Why is them having a dual purpose a problem? Of course they are! What we've done is to say that breastfeeding is somehow equated to sex (in the sense that it should be hidden), when it's not!

Song of Solomon is yummy! My breasts, toes, fingers, earlobes, and ooooohhhhh the nape of my neck ... all crazy sexual ... when I'm enjoying some yum with my husband. Doesn't mean I should cover them up when it's time to use them for their other purposes.

Yet, breastfeeding is discussed throughout history as something that is done openly - and it is accepted as beautiful.

Where are the writings and art and pictures and drawings of women covering their babies while they nurse? Seriously. Where are they?

And why is that?

Christine

www.christinemoers.blogspot.com

Submitted by christinemoers on Fri, 10/19/2007 - 16:10
 

Sigh

Did you really just compare feeding my child to going to the bathroom? And did you really just say "having a child does not make it acceptable to be showing off your breasts in any forum where minors might be present..." ???????????

I'm not trying to be combative, I swear. The bigger problem here lies in the idea my breasts are sexual. That my breasts are for men. That my breasts should only do what was intended of them so long as they don't offend anyone else.

I have many friends of all walks of life, even one very conservative friend, who's sons -ages 7, 11, and 15- all know exactly how to behave when they see a woman breastfeeding and remark "what? its no big deal?" HEALTHY attitudes bestowed upon them by their mother who taught them how to respect and understand women and not treat them as sex objects. I swear to you I've breastfed in front of ALL three of them and not ONE batted an eyelash. Not one was embarrassed or uncomfortable and not ONE was offended.

My breasts are for feeding my children, not for your husband or son's enjoyment. That is, very honestly, your family's problem, not mine. Couldn't you use this as an opportunity to teach your son NOT to think of a breast in terms of sex? To talk about women and mothers and bodies? What a fantastic opportunity to raise a responsible minor!

There is, a HUGE difference between objectifying women in pornography and a mother breastfeeding. To play the "but if we allow one boob we have to allow them all" card is much like the right wing argument that same sex marriage will lead to humans tying the knot with goats. Its one hell of a leap.

Facebook is calling breastfeeding obscene. I find that offensive beyond comprehension. Attitudes about sex and women in this country are so narrow minded we're now comparing breastfeeding to taking a shit and porn. Unbelievable.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Submitted by Erin Kotecki Vest on Sat, 09/08/2007 - 21:58
 

great post

Great post!

I like to challenge my nonbreast-feeding friends (and even my friends w/o children) to see breast-feeding not only as the best think you can do for your child's health but also as a way to "take back" our breasts. When pop culture tells me that my breasts aren't big/perky enough and that their only purpose is the titillation of men, breast-feeding tells me that they are life giving and an *end in themselves*.

It's sadly not surprising to me that an organization like Facebook which I see as being dedicated to shallow "hook-up" culture would have such a limited and juvenile understanding of nursing. I'm glad now that I never bothered to join.

Has anyone else seen this?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/30/AR200708...

It's been a bad week for boobs. ;)

Kate
www.milktongue.com

Submitted by katherinec on Sun, 09/09/2007 - 07:13
 

Rights? You don't need no stinkin' rights!

I am also upset by Anthony, the CSR's tone:

Unsolicited messages will also not be tolerated. We will not be able to reactivate your account for any reason. This decision is final.
Thanks for understanding,
Anthony
Customer Support Representative
Facebook

What does he mean by "unsolicited messages will not be tolerated"? Does she have to wait until Facebook says that it is ok to contact them? If she ignores that high-handed command, will they send the Facebook Storm Troopers to her door to take away her internet connection?

Submitted by suebob on Sun, 09/09/2007 - 16:06
 

Outrageous

I read the Washington Post article today too, and I was outraged by it. According to the article, it's only legal to breastfeed in public in 39 states. It's a no win situation for women. Breasts are either objectified or sexualized. It's also National Breastfeeding Awareness. How ironic is that? Sadly, it's not that ironic at all considering the mixed messages society sends about breastfeeding all the time. Since Facebook has an international presence, I guess this is a globalization of the attack on breastfeeding and women's choice.
A. Elliot, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting

Submitted by A Elliot on Mon, 09/10/2007 - 10:32