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There are two options after a break-up: remain friends, or move forward without them. The most successful option has been to remain distant for a period of time, licking wounds and recovering from the break-up, and leaving the option of a platonic relationship or rekindling romance in the future. But throw in new boyfriends, old ones, social scenes, and the plethora of communication tools vaaialble today ("rejected from 7 different techlogies," anyone?), it's not so black and white like we would hope.
Friends. Brave soul and hopeful peacemaker, you choose to stay friends. If the break-up wasn't a clean one, or the relationship was a distaster (trust issues, dishonesty, disrespect, verbal/physical abuse, etc.), it is not suggested to remain friends post break-up. Why would you? If someone cannot respect you in a romantic relationship, what says they will treat you any differently in a platonic one? It's easy to throw out the excuse that you two "weren't meant to be more than friends." But if there was no respect, there will never be in any kind of relationship with him until your ex matures and learns how to treat you well. Exceptions should never be made just because his eyes, husky voice, and cute butt make your heart swim. (Sorry, ladies.) If the break up was a clean one, there is still a period of confusion. You know, that period of time where the two of you transition from romantic to platonic. The lines can get soo blurry when the break-up is fresh. Insecurities, sexual tension, questionable decisions loom over your head.
Simple: clean or messy break-up, it's your choice to allow your ex to return to your life. Key word: return, not remain. Everyone needs a breather to fully recover from any ending. The friendship will develop when and if both of you have had time apart and are really over each other.
"Friends" with the Ex, and in a Relationship. Can you really be friends with an ex? I've found, especially recently, that when in a relationship, it's difficult to be just friends with an ex. Personal experience- I am happily dating a Marine, who I am serious with. My circle of friends is 97% male. 80% of those men I've hooked up with, dated, or had a relationship with. It's life. Ladies, we all have histories, and regrets should be few and far between. But, when it comes to being "just friends" with an ex when you're with someone, you must consider your significant other. My sister told me, "if your relationship is serious, you'll find the other men in your life become unnecessary because the man in your life becomes your best friend and your lover." Smart chick. I recently got back in touch with an ex-bf who I had a clean-turned-messy break up. I almost immediately recognized the danger. Some of my ex's I have no temptation for-- those guys I stay in touch with sporadically. But, any ex I get along with a little too well with, the conversations feel too intimate, or it takes me back to "how it was before," I run like hell and cut the guy off. Option B: break-up with my current boyfriend. (Ha, I wouldn't, but for you ladies, it's an option.) Temptations must be avoided. Be classy, have integrity, respect your significant other; don't play with fire. Walk away and keep your distance. Now, you can't help the men who like to check in. You know the type. Those guyfriends who appear and disappear every 2 months or so to "see how the relationship is," or ask how serious it is, feel around and test the waters, maybe even flirt a little to get an idea just how for real you about the man you're with. Some will be more aggressive than others. The aggressive ones must be put in their place. Tell them that if they disespect your relationship, or try to pursue you knowing you are with someone, you cannot be friends with them. Those who just peak their head in innocently, merely mention that you're happy. I've experienced both while I've been with my Marine. Guy "friends" have been aggressive, and I've cut them off completely because they didn't respect my relationship. Others have merely "checked in," and I've mentioned "so happy, moving to the beach to be closer to him, flirting with the idea of moving in together." The innocent peak-in "friends" take the hint immediately and duck out until their next check-in.
Innocent or aggressive, put yourself
