An Exercise Conversion Chart For Moms
By Sarah Cottrell on June 01, 2014
I am, by all accounts, the laziest Mom I know when it comes to physical fitness. Don’t be fooled by my Lose The Weight board on Pinterest. Judging by the 423 pins on there you would think I’m sporting some chiseled girly abs by now, but no. I’m not. I’m sporting a wine belt and a serious – and probably unhealthy – fondness for midnight pints of ice cream.
Couch to 10k? No thanks. I’m more of a couch to the laundry room, to the backyard, back to laundry room, into the kitchen, back to the laundry room, break up a toddler fiasco, into the kitchen, eye up the couch, curse under my breath on my way back to the damn laundry room…kind of girl.
You know, I think that whole 30 minutes of exercise a day stuff is crazy. Whoever came up with this rule clearly never had kids. I do not have time to change, workout, shower, and then change again. I’m lucky if I remember to change my pants a mere once a day.
It seems to me that chasing my toddler who just stole a spatula from the kitchen in order to whack his little brother burns more calories than say, 20 minutes on an Elliptical machine. With this Mom logic in mind, I came up with this easy-peasy system to figure out what a basic 30-minute mom workout looks like.
|This||Is Equal To This|
|Picking Up Toys||Stretching/Warm Up|
|Pacing and Bouncing a Baby to Sleep||Jogging on a Treadmill|
|Placing an Angry Toddler in Timeout||Wrestling|
|Taking Two Kids To The Grocery Store||Flipping Tires/1,000 Pull Ups|
|Surfing The Web While Kids Nap||Yoga/Cool Down|
|Drinking wine and complaining to a girlfriend or husband about your day||Meditation/Spiritual Cleansing|
Since any fit person knows that a decent workout is followed up with specific nutrition guidelines to help maintain a healthy weight, it only seems fitting that I address what passes as my “diet plan”.
|This||Is Equal To This|
|Coffee (day)/Wine (day & night)||Water (all the damn time)|
|Breakfast: Donuts or Kid Cereal||Breakfast: Cardboard|
|Lunch: Whatever the kids didn’t eat||Lunch: Cardboard and Salad|
|Dinner: Dinner was a Pinterest fail so Mom ordered pizza. Since that kind of counts as eating out (and therefore a special treat) Mom picked up an extra bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream.||Dinner: Something boiled and with kale|
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