exhale

The pressure has been released. Summer vacation is here and I can finally spend more time with my two beautiful children. My lovely wonderful sons. I've missed playing with them in the day, lazing around in the afternoon, crafting it up with cool experiments like http://www.esta-uk.net/jesei/volcano/home.htm and being inspired by http://www.atomicshrimp.com/st/content/toffee_apples loads of blogs. Yet that isn't exactly the reality. I think all working moms crave the stay at home experience until there you are at 3pm dying for a coffee break without children climbing all over you.

Oh the guilt. Guilt for working, guilt for not enjoying every minute of being with my kids. Guilt for not organising enough playdates, guilt for packing too much stuff into the day. Guilt for not making pancakes every morning, guilt for not varying the vegatables at dinner.

It is always strange to me that whenever the pressure lets up a bit, I go into a vegatable like state, unable to tackle summer as I do work but instead I flutter down like a deflated balloon. Exhale. I will gear up again and hit my stride around mid August and then before I know it school will start, I won't see the kids much and by October I'll be desperate for Christmas so that I can have some time with them again.

In reality the key piece that is missing and has been missing for some time is 'me time'. Time to write, work out, meet friends, paint and create. And sex. God I miss sex. No one really talks about that side of being busy or in our case being sick. Sex is a pure pleasure driven business and when you let go of that you kick yourself way down in the priority ladder.

It is tough trying to get balance back in your life when you have none. Work, kids and managing sickness all equal a hamster on the wheel like existence. Remember that song by Mellencamp? 'Oh yea, life goes on, even after the thrill of living is gone.'

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