Experiencing my upbringing takes perspective
By danijane on February 18, 2014
I did NOT custom order this writing prompt.
"What has more influence on your perspective, your upbringing or your experiences"?
To start I have to say that I am challenged with separating my upbringing from any and everything in my life. All of my life experience has been influenced in some way by how I was raised and by whom.
Now, having said that, I have experienced my perspectives change over the years just because I decided to not allow my upbringing to steal my power any longer. The decision to put my "upbringing" into proper perspective took years of therapy. I do not have a certain touch point that I can remember but the idea that how I was raised cannot continue to define how I behave occurred in a moment, and has continued for years.
Parenting is a skill as much as it is an intuitive pursuit. I was raised by unskilled humans with zero intuition about anything having to do with anything or anyone other than their own selfish, self-destructive desires. Placing four lives in their hands was about as brilliant as walking into a forest fire wearing a gasoline drenched overcoat.
I never walked around making excuses for my shortcomings or bad decisions or reckless behavior by saying that I was raised by wolves. Although I could have.
I never considered my life to be tragic. Just the parental figures to be tragedies.
I made several questionable relationship decisions and suffered from some clinical depression but my opinion, based on my perspective, was that all of this was just the hand I was dealt. I did not think I was a victim but I was certainly victimized by the "grown-ups" in my life.
Oddly, when I spent all those hours talking to the professional therapists about my life saga, the consensus was always more of a question of how did I cope and where am I putting all the crap and why am I not institutionalized? My perspective was that I was a cool survivor or a nutcase floating down the river of denial. It flowed between those two extremes. When I felt like a nut, I was depressed. When I felt like a survivor, I was living fully.
Everyone survives their upbringing. The perspectives from how you are raised will impact your life in countless ways. Invariably it will not always be positive. I believed for a very long time, that I was not capable of being truly happy because I never witnessed true happiness in my home. My perspective on what marriage was like was so skewed by the abusive example in my own home that most of my perspective came from soap operas. Neither of these perspectives did me a damn bit of good in real life. Or else they both assisted me in countless ways. Yea, it's that. Of course it’s that. I am married to a prince who holds my head in his hands when he kisses my lips. Just like on TV. The only time he slaps me is on the ass to tell me I am awesome, and sexy.
I blog because of my upbringing and my life experiences. They are so intertwined and so completely separate. My perspectives are equally influenced by what cannot be separated. I never advertise myself as an expert on anything except on that which I know for sure. I know for sure that I am here today, standing in my truth, holding onto all of my power, with nothing but deep love and compassion for myself and my siblings because we experienced all that we were forced to experience as we were being raised.
The shadow that my upbringing cast over my experiences ended when I chose to put an end to the hold it had on me.
I am happily married and a mother because I flipped the switch. It is with this same power that I will continue to raise my own two daughters.
The influence wielded by a mother over her daughters is by far the most powerful force in nature. I felt the down side of this and I will lovingly break that cycle and show my girls the strength of my influential love.
I guess when they write about me, one of you will be able to see how I did.
And by that I mean, How frigging successful I was.
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