Does Friendship Really Have Expiration Dates?

sometimes even best of friends don't last forever, one thing we should learn thought to to know when to let go, there are just things that needs to evolve for each person to grow.

I could have written this post myself. I agree with the 'idea' that not all friendships will last forever, but I'm a clinger too. It's almost hurtful to me. Why WOULDN'T someone want to be friends with me anymore? I will hang on to bad friendships much longer than necessary, thinking maybe things will get better.

Sigh, maybe I'll learn someday too.

Dallas
azhita.blogspot.com

It is probably because I lived in three different countries as a child, I always thought that friends are something that come and go (or rather, I come and go is the more accurate description). That made me a little shy about making attachments. Now I know that I should cherish each and every encounter instead of seeing them as something that ALWAYS ends.
Friendship is an interesting thing. Over the past couple of years, I have become friends with people who'd I never thought I would befriend: i.e., someone who on the surface doesn't seem to have similarity or shared interests. I hope I keep on meeting interesting people in my life.

Gosh, I *SO* feel you. Like, Did I do something?!?!
In some cases, though, it's pretty clear that they're just busy with life and feel like they'll never live nearby again, so why put time into it? I guess. I do understand that toddler-chasing is time-consuming. ;p
It's not just that, though.
Peace unto us. ;p

That is a very good thought

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

It would make sense.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

I think it is a great quote

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

I'm with you - friendships are meant to be, forever - or so I thought. Then when I think about it, they phase in and out. You make friends at times of need and when it's meant to be. If you think about it, you change so much throughout your life and you meet new people along the way. Friendships do mean a lot, but they do not necessarily define who you are and all too often are placed on a pedestal. When you have a friendship, treasure it. If it’s meant to be it will last. If not, you’re just opening up room within yourself for another friend.

( http://www.menopausechitchat.com/menopauseforum.ht... )

I read somewhere once that women make new groups of friends every six years. I don't know if that is true but there is a turn over from time to time. It's not always intentional but you move, get a new job or you change. So you make new friends and maybe lose contact with the old. Sometimes it's sad but sometimes you need to get out of relationships that aren't good for you.

I was once told that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I've found that holds true.

Find me at Lost in a Sea of Blogs ( http://lostinaseaofblogs.wordpress.com/feed/ ).

It is a very hard thing to get over.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

And I do certainly have old friends I cherish as well.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

I've had a lot of friendships come and go throughout the years, it's the best friend breakups that hurt the most. I had my best friend (before it was called "bff") for 20 years, since 7th grade. We went through everything together, we had our little cat fights but they usually only lasted a few days. She was the one person I could tell everything to and never had to worry about her laughing or running to tell someone else. I moved away from our home town for about 9 years, but within driving distance. We still kept in contact and I was usually always the one to make the drive to see her, barely ever the other way around. We invited her whole family to our home quite a few times and they would always be too busy to set up a time... BUT, she would have time to go do other things. I moved back to my hometown almost 2 years ago and we were both soo excited to be close again.. or so I thought. She got angry over something petty as soon as we moved back, and we ended up arguing. I tried to stay as mature and calm about it as I could but she took it to the next level and was down right rude, so I told her, "If you want to end a 20 year friendship over something so stupid, it's on your shoulders"... and well, she made her choice. ... I hadn't spoken to her until about 5 months ago when my grandmother died, she came to the funeral home. We got in contact again and chatted here and there, but it's just not the same. We haven't talked in about a month or so, and as sad as it is, I think it's going to stay that way. We just seemed to have grown apart. I've grown up and for the better, but I still have my same personality; she doesn't. .... She has another "best friend".. and I don't (apart from my husband). It's sad that we grew apart but I guess it can't be changed. You just have to learn to let go when the other person isn't making any effort to keep the friendship going. I've tried quite a few times with other friends and it can't all be one sided.

I think one thing I am learning is that I need to get things out of relationships. People who just take are too hard.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

Sometimes you do just outgrow people.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

Many friends have come in and out of my life. They have woven a tapestry of my life that I love to go back to. With the invention of social media, I have re-connect with many friends of my past. I realized that even with time between us, we really haven’t changed. I can still call them anytime and pick-up where we left off.

I guess I am lucky in that sense.

www.thejerseyshort.com ( http://www.thejerseyshort.com )

I see that a lot of comments are about the negative relationships we held on to or that we've created for ourselves that no longer fit but I think part of growing into ourselves might mean that others are also growing, and even if the friendship might not be detrimental to either party, people no can find they aren't the right fit anymore.

I think there is an art to recognizing that a friend has become an acquaintance (possibly not even that)and that it is OK, even if deep down you thought this relationship would be for the long haul.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

Jodi,
This is such a tough one. As I have gotten older I realized yes, indeed there is a shelf life to friendships. I think back to a friendship I had that started 11 years ago. I could not spend enough time with this gal pal.
Now, I am thankful that she is not in my daily life. She was a friend sucker and I finally realized she brought nothing to the table of friendship, it was all about her. Life is too short to have people like that. I have really grown from that relationship.

Christina ( http://www.aclosetwriter.com )

As we get older we get more secure in ourselves.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

I have friends who have not accepted my friend request and I'm not sure if I should be like "what is going on." I think the digital age makes it even harder!

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

When I was in my 20s I went to visit a girl from college who was two years older than I when I was going through a tough time. About a year after that she wrote me a letter saying she wanted to end our friendship by being up front about it, not just stop writing letters on her end. It was the most adult announcement of a friendship breakup I ever experienced. I was under the illusion in college that everyone was my girlfriend. It was the most fun and freeing time in my life...so yeah I thought everyone was my friend and vice versa.

I think I was a pain in the neck in my teens and 20s. I was either partying with my friends or I was pestering them with questions and requests for validation. I was anxious and insecure.

In the past couple of years I discovered that people take on being your friend with different motives. I was taken for a ride by someone who made sure I was her friend. I never experienced that before and it had a fall out. This woman was insecure and bossed me around and lavished gifts on me to be her friend. It was all about her. It was a tricky thing because she was my boss. We are no longer friends. I stopped talking to people at work about my life and she couldn't find out anything about me. I did my job and went home.

Now if someone wants to be my friend it is a mutual thing. The more secure I am the less I am to fall into a trap again. Relationships are funny things aren't they?

The Patty Beat can be found at  http://pattyabr.wordpress.com where The Fearless Cook resides ready to take on your most feared items in the kitchen.

It took me about three years to realize that a 'friend from work' was actually just a 'work friend'. She was always eager to talk to me at work but then she'd post all this stuff she was doing on facebook and i'd think "Well, why didn't she ask me to go?"
There were some occasions when I was included (happy hours after work, group events, etc...) But one day while I was complaining about it to my husband he said "You know she's not your friend, right? She's a nice person but she's not a friend."
And he was absolutely right. Plus, when I stopped to think about it, I wouldn't have been interested in doing all the things she was doing 'without me'. So now I don't feel bad :) I do think we have to give ourselves time to adjust to that idea when we're friendship junkies and people pleasers. Stay strong, Jodifur!

-julie

http://tri-ingtobeathletic.blogspot.com

That means a lot coming from you. You know how much I love you!

I think we, as women, as people, want relationships to work. Even when maybe they shouldn't.

Jodifur ( http://jodifur.com/ )

A person I hadn't seen in awhile told me a couple of weeks ago that I leave friendships like it was a bad thing. To this I say, "hell yeah." I will if I find that a person's effect on my life is more detrimental than good. I think we owe it to ourselves to take stock of our relationships. I used to take all kinds of treatment that I wouldn't accept now. I also have very little free time between my job and my writing and photo work, my family, and my very close friends. I honestly have zero time for drama or resolution that isn't very simple to achieve. If that sounds harsh? I guess maybe a little, but it's self-preservation, and my elective relationships have GOT to be good ones. I am a good friend too, I think, but I've also learned a thing or two about boundaries and some people will take you for a serious ride and suck you into all manner of garbage if you're not careful. Letting some friendships die or dwindle has been incredibly painful and awkward, but I think that (especially as women) we are trained to stay in situations that don't work for us. We break up with boyfriends and don't see them again. Why should it be the same for friends?

That said I have known many of my friends since I was in grade or high school, and some of those relationships have ebbed and flowed as well but I still care about those people.

I wrote this on this site three years ago and it still rings as true for me as it did then.

http://www.blogher.com/its-not-me-its-you-art-and-... ( http://www.blogher.com/its-not-me-its-you-art-and-... )

You're a good person and friend, Jodi. I'm sure if you feel this way there's a good reason.

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
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