Extreme Softball Cheat Sheet:

Object of the Game:

To be the last player standing alive

Notes on the Game:

Points don't matter

Umpire can award and take away points at will

Umpire can and will carry at least a pitch fork and a gun

Umpire will be picked at random and may be drunk, disorderly, smelly, crabby, and/or homeless.  A wandering crazy googly eye is preferred.

Only the Umpire knows the rules

Do not challenge the Ump or you will probably get shot and points taken away (or possibly added depending on your moxie)

Do not sneak up or eyeball the Umpire or do so at your own risk

Each team will consist of whomever is called from the stands by the Umpire

Hecklers will be required to play

Coaches who question the Umpire's calls will be required to play if not shot dead by the Ump first

The ball will be of regulation softball size, made of hollowed out steel or adamantium.  Inside the ball will be a smaller rotating metal bumble ball.  The ball will also have metallic spikes that will activate at random and emit from the inside of the ball.

Bases will be standard softball length apart and surrounded by choppy black ice.  The ice may contain gravel.  Several  Olympic-standard hurdles will be places between each base on the baseline.

Broken bones, internal bleeding, protruding inerds, massive head wounds, decapitation, or any other injuries will not exclude a player from the game.  Injured players are required to continue the game without stopping the play.  Only once the player has expired according to the Umpire will the play be allowed to end.

Living players are encouraged to use deceased players' bodies and/or body parts during a play.

Sticky Wickett

A Sticky Wickett occurs when a spiked ball sticks in the bat after it is pitched.  The batter must throw the bat with the ball attached at the pitcher.  The pitcher may try to dodge the bat but is not allowed to leave the pitcher's mound to do so while the Sticky Wickett is played out.

 The game ends when all but one players are expired per the Umpire's standards.

All rights reserved by Kati and the Bender Brothers, 2009.