Don't Try to Sell an FBI Agent Day-Old Lemonade
By Laura K. Bedingfield on July 18, 2012
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I forgot the word “acronym.” I had no idea where my friend had gone to college. I could not remember when she moved. I blanked on our other neighbor’s last name. I stuttered like Mel Tillis. I cut my eyes from left to right repeatedly, though this was more to make sure a child wasn’t headed our way with his piggybank and a cup of lemonade than out of actual shadiness.
Whenever I stopped to think about how conspicuous I was looking, I started to giggle because thoughts like “gym candy” would drift through my brain. All in all, I’d say I looked like a class A idiot. I could have been starring in Fletch vs. Austin Powers.
Spylady, to her credit, did not break form even when Theo came in without his shirt on and when one of the other children began throwing stuffed animals over the stair railing. She kept saying, “take your time. Just take your time.” That’s what they say to all suspects, right? She had several folders with her and a few times she flipped through a folder after I’d given an answer and would say, “hmmm. Why don’t you try again?” in a voice barely masking her irritation.
In the end, I doubt I wound up helping my friend out one bit. The agent stuck around for a little over half an hour, likely just to avoid rush-hour traffic. I’m sure I was providing her with an interesting study on maniacs. I’ve never been a very good test taker; maybe I should have warned her about that right out of the gate. At least Tucker didn’t try to make a profit off her. I doubt FBI Agents are down with day-old lemonade or gerbils (even if they are of the non-biting variety). That “F” doesn’t stand for “funny,” you know.
The Feds haven’t shown back up at Laura Bedingfield Herakovich’s house yet. Thank goodness.
Photo Credit: popculturegeek.
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