Facebook-Stalking My Birth Son
By Shannon Des Roc... on December 16, 2009
BlogHer Original Post
I won’t be watching “Find My Family” because reality television will never be my genre of choice but I do hope that it opens some minds out there and gives those adopted people and first parents who want to search the impetus to do so. I also hope that the participants have some support post-reunion ‘cuz as any reunited person will tell you, it doesn’t get easier after the cameras stop rolling and there’s a whole new complicated and emotionally-heavy relationship to manage.
There is no way in hell I'm going to watch Find My Family. Why would I torture myself with several variations on that which remains outside my realm of possibility? I doubt my birth son was ever told that he's adopted, even though he's the only outlier in a uninterrupted line of deep brunettes. Besides, I've already found him, even if he's not aware of it.
I'd rather daydream about a birth mother/birth son reunion like the fictional one on Ugly Betty (spoiler alert) in which Claire Meade tracks down her birth son but doesn't tell him who she is -- instead, she finds a public place to casually chat with him, delights in the knowledge that her son seems to be well adjusted and a good egg, and refrains from disrupting his contented life. (Don't fear, I won't follow suit, as I am an emotional powderkeg who could never maintain Claire Meade's "pleasant stranger" facade.)
I wish there was some way to find out if my birth son knows his real story. Facebook makes it tempting to try: I could friend him at any time, or even message him on the pretense that my mother is a computer-challenged former friend of his dad who is looking to get back in touch (not entirely untrue; they were friends of friends, which is how our private adoption arrangement came into being). But in the meantime, my heart aches for the young man unaware of his maternal spare, and I'll remain on the other side of the computer screen, ever-vigilant and very proud of the remarkable person he's become.
[Edited on 9/11/13 to be slightly more optimistic, which is how I'm feeling these days. Fingers crossed. -SR]
Shannon Des Roches Rosa usually writes about parenting her son with special needs both in this space and at Squidalicious.com, even though she spends 66% of her parenting energy on two feisty neurotypical girls. She fiddled with 95% of this story's identifying details.
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