A Fairy Tale Homecoming? No. Teen Gang Raped As Crowd Looks On

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It is sick to hear the news! As a woman, as an immigrant and as a mother of a daughter, this incident is making me question my understanding of this society and is making me question my choice of living here.

Blame is being thrown all around. The school was not responsible, the girl made a bad choice of accepting to drink with a bunch of guys that late at night, the onlookers etc etc. Were the onlookers terrified because they were intimidated by the thugs? But why did they laugh, took pictures and even participated in the horrible act?

I always thought, no matter how many differences we have as humans in other things, we all come together in the time of adversity! May be I was just dreaming! How can we comprehend that a bunch on people just stood and watch while another human being is beaten and raped?

I agree with lot of people who commented here. This is not a single issue, it should be addressed from the roots..the bullying, the media, the 'not my problem' syndrome and what not. But how can we reach into the hearts and conscience of the people and awaken them to human values and ethics?

The walks, the awareness campaigns etc may make normal people aware and help them to keep their kids safer. But for the people like the thugs who did this, the problem has to be solved from the core. From the schools, from the media, from the media icons..etc.

I am so hurt with this incident; I am Re-thinking my choice of living between people like this. I wish I could protect my kids not to even breathe the same air as these humans with rotten souls.

May god help the girl and her family to get through this horrible incident and get on with their lives.

http://manassarover.blogspot.com/

HORRENDOUS!!!!!!!!!!! The people involved are ANIMALS!

http://thevintagekitten.blogspot.com

I just received the following email from the Richmond Chief of Police:

Thank you for your concern for the young woman who was the victim of a brutal assault in our community.  You will be glad to know that as of this time, five suspects have been arrested and are in the process of being charged with a number of serious felonies.  The victim has been discharged from the hospital, but obviously has a long recovery process ahead of her.

If you would like to donate to the fund specifically set up to benefit this young woman and her family, you may send a check to Richmond High School, 1250 23rd St., Richmond, CA 94804.  Checks should be made out to "Richmond High School Student Fund" with "Sex assault victim" on the memo line.

 You may also want to consider a contribution to your local rape crisis center since rapes take place every day in communities—both big and small—all over our country. 

 Thank you for your concern.

 Chris Magnus

Richmond Chief of Police

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

Something else you can do to help something positive come of this horrible tragedy, which I've seen mentioned later in the comments and elsewhere, is to talk to your own kids.  I'm sure all of the parents here are great, involved parents, but I don't think we as a society should assume that kids know what to do when they seem someone else being attacked or bullied any more than we assume that they know about drugs or alcohol.  Most parents would see this story and think "my child would never do something like that," but I can almost guarantee that at least one parent of one of the kids who either actively or passively participated in this girl's rape thought the exact same thing. 

If you have school-aged kids, then they're old enough for this talk.  Whether you tell them about this specific crime or how much detail you share is up to you, but I can think of no better time or reason to talk about seeing another person being mistreated, what your child may have already witnessed, and what to do in different situations.

Sara

www.inkandpixelclub.com ( http://www.inkandpixelclub.com )

Wow! Assuming that statistic is correct, why aren't we sending more girls to karate instead of say, ballet?

- Lisse

@ ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com ) Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels

Teachers and chaperones are responsible for what happens inside the event.

But yeah, you would think that there would at least be an off duty cop paid to patrol the grounds or that maybe the cops themselves might want to park a patrol car outside the entrance as a deterrent.

Now there's a detail that keeps coming back to me that might have prevented this whole thing.  Why did she have to leave campus to call her father for a ride?  Does it seem unreasonable that there might have been a pay phone in the school? Perhaps someone could have let her use the phone in the office. Why not borrow a cell phone?

- Lisse

@ ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com ) Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels

(not in direct reply to your comment here, but I wanted it to show up early for folks who mightn't read on):

Richmond High School is accepting cards and donations for the victim and her family. They can be mailed to the school at 1250 23rd St., Richmond, CA 94804-1011. Make checks out to the Richmond High Student Fund.

SF Bay Area local paper coverage from October 28: "5 now in custody in Richmond High gang rape"

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2...

When I read this story on CNN, I was in utter disbelief. While I'm upset about the crime/act itself, I was more shocked at the fact that people witnessed this and didn't bother calling police. No one had the guts to do the right thing? Seriously?!

Another bothersome fact is that there were some students who were blaming the victim. I'm sorry, but in no way shape or form, does anyone have the right to be beaten and raped to the point.

Does this worry me about when my children go to school? Absolutely because, unfortunately this can happen on any campus. We just have to keep an watchful eye on our children, their friends and the parents of their friends. We need to be involved and speak up before something this tragic happens.

My prayer goes out to the girl, her family, and the community. That town will never be the same again.

I have been aching all day about this. This poor girl. I know the road ahead will be a hard one for her. Going back to that school will be a nightmare for her. I am trying to find an organization to start a trust for her, for college. I just hope she blacked-out and cant recall the horror of that night.

I too was gang raped and I too had been drinking. I was 14 and I am now 37 and it still feels like yesterday.

God Bless her. Thank you for posting this. Thank you.

As a law enforcement agent for the last 20 years, I tend to steer clear of the news and only heard about this today.

Sadly we are seeing that our youth problems are not simply urban gang bangers gone wild.

Children are products of their environment and as horrible as this may sound, based on what I see daily, parents are responsible for their child every second of the day. We must teach them to react defensively and to never assume they are "safe". They really are not ever "safe".

It never fails, some parent always comes out defending the offender as their "good kid". What we must begin to do as responsible community leaders and media is to ask the tough questions: WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR DEFINITION OF "GOOD"?

Do not entrust your precious children to anything you can not supervise.

Assume that they are never safe at dismissal from school, or events. Until this culture values life, which they don't, and until parents are held accountable for raising them unscrupulously, we are going to hear more.

Cases of three generational crime accomplices has become commonplace. These parents may seem normal but trust me when I say, that is rarely the case.

I heard a lieutenant on MSNBC used the phrase "caught up in some weird frenzy"...I am paraphrasing, but what type of individual feels comfortable witnessing a two hour rape-melee, and not report it, is someone raised in a dysfunctional environment. Period.

That these kids were drinking and had access to alcohol and probably drugs is another issue. Where were the chaperones? Where was the moral fiber of these people witnessing? Where were her "friends"?

Through  the years we have gone from "bullying" to out right communal gang terrorizing and mass criminal tendencies. These crimes are not new, but due to the age of instant information we now hear about these things. So lets educate everyone now...stop playing politically correct and nice. We must find the roots of these situations and snuff them out now before the next generation steps it up a notch to something even more horrifying.

Houseonahillorg

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Hi, Erin. Thank you for getting this story up yesterday, bringing it to more people's attention and giving BlogHer members a place to express their anger, grief, and fatigue over such violence.

I posted an update with video interview ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/10/homecoming-gan... ) with law enforcement at my blog, a reference to this post with the proactive action Lara's taken, and links to other stories. 

I invite bloggers who've written on the topic to come by that post as well and add their links because I thought I'd find more blogs by women on this topic. Maybe I need a better way to search. This story grieves me but so has the increasing number of violent youth crimes plaguing our cities ( http://urbanpsalms.blogspot.com/2009/10/heart-burd... ).

Post: Homecoming gang rape sparks outrage at BlogHer and Beyond ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/10/homecoming-gan... ).

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

This is horrifying!  In addition to Take Back the Night Walks and supporting the survivor herself, supporting and donating to education in that community might be another way to help.  I'm from Atlanta and used to volunteer with the Dekalb Rape Crisis Center near Atlanta.  They sponsored Take Back the Night Walks, survivor services, and education.  There was a 6th grade program on bullying, a 7th grade program on healthy relationships, and an 8th grade program on respect.  They had other, more specific, programs for high school students on sexual assault and rape, but also really tried to educate about healthy relationships, respecting other people, and supporting friends who might be survivors.  I don't know if it would have helped, but I'd like to think that the kids who've been through some of those classes would not have stood by and watched, but would have at least gone to get help!  There is also another great organization in Atlanta called Men Stopping Violence.  They also do a lot of education.  Every teenage boy in America would be better off for participating in some training like that...focusing on respect, non-violence, and not objectifying women.

However, programs like these often don't have much funding.  People are often good at responding to crisis and tragedy.  We're not always good at being proactive about preventative education.  Donating, volunteering, and advocating for these sorts of educational programs is one way to reshape an entire community.

as a rape survivor myself, i'm over here saying OMG!

as a human, i'm saying, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE HELP THIS GIRL?????????????????????????"

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They've arrested 5 people now and have some more details about this story. Thanks for bringing it to light.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2...

Karen Clark

Here are a couple of male-specific resources for rape prevention. I have been using them mostly for links and discussion points to use w/young (and older) men:

1.Many college campuses have chapters similar (but often under a different name) to Men Speak Up ( http://www.menspeakup.org ).

2. Men Can Stop Rape (MOST) ( http://www.mencanstoprape.org )

I'd encourage anyone who has other resources to share by commenting.

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

I can't even form a coherent response. I am so overwhelmed with anger and heartbreak on behalf of this girl.

@FireMom ( http://twitter.com ) from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com )

Hearing about this makes me very angry. What kind of world are we living in? And as far as the school goes - where were the chaperones? When I was a teenager we had adult supervision at school functions - because the school is responsible for what happens on the school property. Do they not have chaperones anymore?

Actually, scratch that. I called the Richmond Police dept. and spoke with someone who is going to find out the information for whatever assistance fund is being set up. It sounds like that's still in the works and they're going to call me back later today.  I'll post it here or we may post again with information on how we can help this girl.

-----------------
Liz Henry ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... )
Composite: Tech & Poetics ( http://liz-henry.blogspot.com/ )
lizzard@bookmaniac.net

I wonder how many young women - if any - there were watching, not saying anything.

It's a sad old tune, but I think that mothers of daughters would be very surprised to hear a good number of our girls still have a lot of girl-on-girl hatred fueled by so many negative messages about women - in the media, in our communities, in our own overheard conversations with our female friends, in our own negative self-talk. We compete in our own negative ways.

It's not just our sons. We have a lot of work left to do with our daughters, too.

Halushki.com

Here's the two organizations that look the most helpful and seem to be involved:

Contra Costa Crisis Center ( http://www.crisis-center.org ) and Community Violence Solutions ( http://www.cvsolutions.org ).

-----------------
Liz Henry ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... )
Composite: Tech & Poetics ( http://liz-henry.blogspot.com/ )
lizzard@bookmaniac.net

For starting this and reaching out to Richmond PD. 

Politics & News Contributing Editor Queen of Spain ( http://queenofspainblog.com/ )

Woke up with this idea and here you are, already pursuing it! Thank you.

Lisa Stone BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone ) Surfette ( http://surfette.typepad.com ) BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

Editors of Femisex.com

of course each and every rape victim should be helped.  but women must see that we need to focus on getting society to prosecute rape as a hate crime.  as we have written on our site, some 27, as i recall, states have hate crime laws that apply to gender but it is never applied!    woman are wonderful caregivers, but we also need to be equally great at making our demands and seeing to it that those demands are meet.  we actually need to become a bit more warrior like to get lasting changes to our society. 

I referenced the new testament parable that says you can give fish to the hungry or teach the hungry to fish.  this to me is a very good chance to teach the hungry to fish!

When I post the response I receive from the PD and/or the school, I was also going to post suggestions on how to help all victims in other ways, including fighting for certain legislation and since I'm an educator, particularly in educating young men in our society. I agree with you completely about rape being a hate crime; however, I feel strongly we have enough collective resources to still be able to take care of this young woman - whether she is one small fish or not.

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

Editors of Femisex.com

only 6% of rapist spend a day in jail.  sad but true.  Scapegoating is wrong, but what would be right is for these kids to be the first to be hit with our new federal hate crime bill that applies to gender.  Is it there for window dressing?  or are we serious?  Rape should be considered a hate crime, but only when women demand this will it happen.  Until then look for little news of this rape to be nationalized.

Women must be the cure to this blight!

Editors of Femisex.com

We can give one victim a fish or give all women the ability to live safer lives by transforming attitudes on rape!  Let's demand rape be prosecuted as a hate crime and move towards societal changes.  There are victim's crime funds and have been for countless years but rape continues to be over tolerated by our society. 

I agree w/Liz Henry: let's help the victim to make sure she has access to resources that will help her get counseling and good healthcare and anything else she needs to deal with this atrocity.

I've emailed the Police of Chief at Richmond, VA Police Dept to see if there is currently a fund for her or if he has suggestions on other ways to help, and I've sent a similar email to the school principal and counseling staff. I'll update when I receive a response. Hopefully, I will. In the meantime, let's keep sending the young woman our collective warm and loving energy in the hopes that it reaches her as she heads down the path of trying to heal this horrific wound.

Lara

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

Obviously the rapists will be punished, but so should anyone who can be identified as having stood by and watched. By not replorting what was going on they were aiding and abetting a crime. It's shocking to think that in the two plus hours, no one picked up the phone and dialled 911. They could have done it anonymously, without fear of retaliation.

It may not be the school's fault, since it was after the dance and not in the building, but they should have had personnel around till everyone had dispersed. And how can they blame the parents when they don't know that the girl didn't have a ride arranged, or as was said, her father was looking for her.

Normally I'm not in favor of scapegoating, but all these kids should be made examples of something terribly wrong.

As parents, we tell our kids to do the right thing - don't get in cars with strangers, stand up for others, tell if there is some physical abuse - but so many times, when our kids get into tough situations, they either don't recognize them, don't think the practiced rule applies in this situation, or don't really know what to do or say to change the situation. As with learning any lessons, the telling/hearing is a start. But unless kids practice and builde "muscle memory", then more likely they will freeze up or look to those around them for clues as to what to do.

Role playing a variety of good responses. Giving kids exact texts to use in different situations and having them say it outloud. Even showing them pictures of "bad people" and getting them to realize that people who can hurt them aren't always outwardly recognizable as monsters. It always amazes me how many times my kids and I have to have these discussions; there is always some point they are missing. And role plays are important. It's one thing, I've found, to tell kids to "stand up for someone being bullied". It's another thing when they have to come up with the words or actions in the moment to do it.

Again, kids in scary or unusual situations will take their cues from kids around them. I think just telling my children that usually, most kids are in a new situation, too, and it's always easier to go with the crowd, follow the most powerful person. Why it's easier to follow or stand down to a bully than to insist on what I think would be instinctually right is still a mystery to me. However, looking to our own adult situations - even online situations - in which someone is being bullied, and the loudest most insistent voices are in the dogpile, might provide some insight.

And finally, if we aren't modeling the behavior we want to see in in our kids - showing ourselves standing up to bullies, saying something, anything, to right wrongs - then all our "teaching" is for naught. If we aren't actively doing something (other than chatting or Facebooking or Twittering about it), then we can't expect to ask more of our children.

Halushki.com

You hit the nail on the head Jaelithe. Thanks for getting to the bigger issue.

Mom-101 ( http://mom-101.blogspot.com ) ( http://coolmompicks.com )

Cool Mom Picks.com ( http://coolmompicks.com )

This is disgusting and teenager or not, the death penalty should be applicable to rapist.  They mudered this girl and took her life away, she will never be the same.  She may have survived the attack, but her soul was taken away.   I have no sympathy for the attackers nor for the parents of attackers and want them to suffer, as this girl, her family and society is suffering.

 There's is no excuse for these teenagers, I don't want to hear psychologist and therapsit blame it on violence/TV or that they didn't get a hug... bullcrap they cannot see or have the capacity to reason that they are hurting someone????? If this is the case that they lack the mental capacity to reason that they are inflicting pain, than they should eb out to death because they will hurt again!  I used to be against captial punishment, stories like this makes me realize that some people cannot be rehabilitated and we're better off without them.

As for law enforcement,  wiith virtually every kid having a a cell phone/i-phone, etc. I am sure there are videos, pictures, text messages out there. I'm sure technology exists to find these images/messages, etc. if they were transmitted. I hope that law enforcement is actively looking for texts, images, etc. and will prosecute the senders and receivers as accomplice to a murder!

I am outraged!

I'm so enraged by this crime that I can't get it off my mind.

I wrote more about it in this post ( http://www.5minutesformom.com/10208/im-enraged/ ).

http://www.5minutesformom.com/10208/im-enraged/

Here's an excerpt...

I am so sick of people blaming 'the parents' for these types of situations. There is NO EXCUSE!

Yes, it's a poor neighborhood. Yes, it's a rough neighborhood. Yes, security is expensive.

I don't care. None of it is any excuse. All kids deserve to be SAFE. Especially on school grounds!!! I don't care what neighborhood a child lives in, they deserve to be SAFE. And until this country really, really believes that, these crimes will continue to happen.

We're sending kids out into gang ruled war zones every day and it's just accepted. It's a rough neighborhood. I say treat it like the WAR that it is and FIX it!!!

Every child deserves to be SAFE. Yes, even in that part of town!

Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)

http://www.5minutesformom.com

http://twitter.com/5minutesformom

A few weeks ago my twins read "Lord of the Flies" and thought it was a weird irrelevant book.  Yet here we have a real-life example of the kind of dissociation that can happen with violence and young people.

My kids and I have done a lot of talking today about this.  We brainstormed techniques and tools.  I looked my girls in the eye and told them how someone *must* always know where they are every minute - if not me, then a girlfriend.  And they must take care of their girlfriends.  We talked about secret signals, like the military custom of crossing fingers to signify "this is being done against my will."  Just one way to signal girlfriends if they are entangled with a boy.  We talked about texting me or someone else they trust if they are in a situation where they don't feel safe talking on their phone.  We talked about many things.

Then my son and I talked, as we have before, about respecting women and how a girl never "asks for it" by any behavior or dress.

It's so easy in the light of day for kids to nod and understand, but empathy is a lesson that needs to be repeated and repeated.  I think there is much we as parents can do to help our kids.

My heart is breaking for the poor victim.  The school's statements were thoughtless and the spokesman should be fired.  But putting that aside, there is much WE can do.  Lets teach our sons and daughters empathy so we can prevent future victims.

Please let us all follow your advice. Every day we must remind our children the importance of standing up for what is right and NEVER standing by when someone is being mistreated.

This crime enrages me beyond words.

Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)

http://www.5minutesformom.com

http://twitter.com/5minutesformom

I taught high school and sponsored student council, the organization that planned and organized school dances.  I have chaperoned more than my fair share of high schol dances.  We NEVER left campus until all students were gone and off campus.  There was no "My ride's on the way."  An employee of the district had to stay until all students were gone.  Period.  I'll drive a kid home if I have to. So the school claiming they had no culpability is BS.  Like Erin said, I don't care if she was dressed like a hooker in the darkest corner of hell, rape is rape is rape.

This is one of the most disgusting, deplorable, despicable things I've ever read.  It makes me sad and sick.

I can't believe that people stood by and watched. And I am even more horrified at the school's response. Would it really have been too much to say that they were saddened by the reports? That they are wishing the girl well? It's an unspeakable incident in the first place, but there is no reason for the school system to pour salt in the wounds of parents who are undoubtedly grief-stricken and caring for their hospitalized daughter.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

The way I am hearing the tale retold, by authorities, etc... that they are discussing how she went to 'shadowy, hidden spot.' 

I don't care if she was dressed like a hooker and went to the darkest, dankest corner of the universe. 

That part keeps getting repeated as if to justify 'she was asking for it' by being with men in a dark area. 

Politics & News Contributing Editor Queen of Spain ( http://queenofspainblog.com/ )

Editors of Femisex.com

We posted on this today and the answer is bigger than who is to blame in this instance, the parent or the school. This is a societal problem. The large answer to this is to see rape as a hate crime.  Rape is so well tolerated by our society it boggles the mind! Misogyny must decline for rape to decline.  We need to send the message that rape is a hateful act, not one of lust or personal weakness.

http://www.femisex.com/content/hate-crime-doesn%E2...

When will women decide that they TOO count? Now, next year, how many horrific rapes latter?? We are not disposable creatures. It frankly doesn’t shock me at all that so many onlookers thought this might just be all in good fun. After all even Whoopi doesn’t get it that when a girl drinks it is not rape/rape!

And a couple of weeks ago:

http://www.femisex.com/content/another-glaring-fai...

what he would do if he saw someone being bullied.  I think I've taught him to do the right thing but I'm not sure how deeply it's sunk in.

Visit my blog: http://blog.FeeFiFoto.com

Statistically, with one in 4 women being raped at least once in her life, someone you know has been a victim of this horrible, violent crime.

Are we appalled more at the rape? The gang rape? or those who stood by and did nothing?

I suspect the latter.

We are a society that thinks the GIRL's life is ruined.  It shouldn't be.  Any more than getting mugged at gunpoint, the victim of domestic violence, or having her house robbed.  But victims of those crimes don't face the stigma that a victim of rape does.  Somehow, she will spend her life feeling ashamed to admit being the victim of THIS crime.  Ashamed of being a victim.  How awful is that?

She should be able to get therapy to deal with the PTSD that is sure to follow and then never spend another minute allowing herself to be revictimized.  But not in our world.  In our world, one doesn't say in polite company or at the office - "yes, when I was younger, I was raped.  It was terrifying.  But they caught and punished the bastards."  Because that would cause people to draw back in horror and treat the VICTIM of the crime as anathema.  Replace the word "raped" with "mugged and beaten" and suddenly words of sympathy are expressed.

My heart goes out to the girl.  There's a horror that every parent of a daughter feels when we read things like this.  It makes you want to not read the news.  But that doesn't mean it will quit happening.  The callous statement by the Dept of Ed representative makes that clear.

Lucretia (aka GeekMommy) Raising a child in a digital world, still a digital girl

"...witnessing brutality is to brutalize just as, in early years, witnessing bullying is to bully."

It's an inevitable continuum.

Halushki.com

Richmond, CA. is a neighboring city to mine.  It is a city -and a school- deep in trouble.  So deeply impacted by random violence that they do not have a merely a "Take Back the Night" activitiy (which they do), but they also have annual TENT CITY ( http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/... ) events each September where residents pitch tents and live outside for a weekend in an attempt to get 2 or 3 days without a gunfire death. 

My local news reports that the school had security at the dance and patrolling the lit areas outside the school. -mainly the route to get to cars, etc.  According to today's Contra Costa Times ( http://www.contracostatimes.com/top-stories/ci_136... ) article:

The victim left the dance by herself about 9:30 p.m. to get a ride home, Greco said. She walked up 23rd Street toward Emeric Avenue, intending to phone her father for her ride.

But before she did, a classmate called to her from behind a cyclone fence separating a campus courtyard from the street. He hopped the fence, and together they returned to the shadowy, hidden spot, where a group of people were drinking and hanging out.

The victim drank a large amount of brandy quickly, police say, and was quickly incapacitated. While semiconscious, she fell victim to rape. As many as seven people assaulted her as she lay on a bench, while others jeered and took photos with their cell phones. Police say they don't know exactly how many people watched during the course of the attack, but some reports have said as many 20.

The assaults continued for about two hours, until word of the ongoing campus rape reached a former Richmond High student who lives a few blocks from school. She immediately phoned police.

On Monday, two students were pulled out classes and questioned; one arrested on suspicion of rape.  Another man was arrested fleeing the scene Saturday night.  The Richmond police are offering rewards and hope to arrest more of the suspected participants.

My heart goes out to the victim who is still in the hospital  Her life will never be same.  What lessons can we all take from this and what should we be talking with children about this experience?  How can keep this from every happening again?

Debra A Stitch In Time ( http://astitchintime.blogspot.com ) Weight for Deb ( http://weightfordeb.wordpress.com )

witnesses another child being bullied in any manner, and does nothing, saying nothing, stands by the side, and we don't hold that child accountable as much as the bully. It's a "sin of omission", if you want to go that far, that we say, "It's okay, it doesn't concern you, you did nothing wrong."

Wrong. Wrong. And Wrong.

"I was scared" is a response.

"I could have been next" is a response.

"It wouldn't have mattered if I had done something" is a response.

But ultimately, if we aren't teaching our kids from day one that as responses, these are nothing more than excuses, and if we aren't holding our own children to consequences for not acting when another human being is being harmed, then we are all part of the problem. Self-righteous much? Absolutely. If we don't hold ourselves, our children, to higher standards, then we have very little room to complain when the "bad guys" come looking for us and no one acts to help us.

"But standing by and watching a girl get raped is much different than standing by and watching Sally Ann get shunned in the lunch room." That sounds like a convenient excuse of playing degrees.

The "gangs" of "really bad kids" are always smaller than the majority of good kids, right? Unless, ultimately, there really are more bad kids - including our own - who allow the few good kids to be harmed. Doing the right thing isn't sometimes hard; it's *usually* hard. It still has to be done. Or else. That kids who step in and do something when another kid is being teased or bullied are usually seen as kids of exceptional character and out-of-the-ordinary is a crying shame and should be a parenting embarrassment. Stepping in should be the least someone is doing.

Does this piss me off, too? You bet. And instead of hand-wringing and pointing my finger at "those bad kids" and "parents of those bad kids", I'm going to point it at myself. I can't change what other people do; I can only change what goes on in my house, maybe my school. What parent here is willing to have their own child called in to the principal's office or to guidnace counselor, undergo one-on-one anti-bullying counseling, when their child was "only" the onlooker who did nothng, said nothing when Billy shoved Susy in the playground? That's where it starts...all of it, from highschool dances and beyond to larger injustices against humans. 

Halushki.com

I referenced your post and then said my piece at my own blog ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2009/10/gang-rape-i-ne... ). Whenever I hear these types of stories, words fail.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

I cannot shake this story. I have been carrying it around with me all day. 

I have been having similar thoughts as Lisa. I am mother to three very young sons. I do not understand why no one helped her, why no one sneaked off to get help, how they could hear about it and come to join in. 

And why was there not security patrolling the grounds? The parking lots, the athletic fields? All are prime locations for drinking, etc. You'd think they'd be on top of that. 

The poor girl and her family. I cannot imagine being that girl or being her mother. I am so sickened.

-elizabeth

Boy Crazy [finding clarity in the chaos]

http://clarity-chaos.blogspot.com/

Jaelithe, you really got to the heart of what bothered me so much about the story. I'm disgusted by the rapists and disheartened by the school district's quote, but I'm completely horrified that a crowd of people stood by and did absolutely nothing.

Julie @ ( http://twitter.com/ ) The Mom Slant ( http://themomslant.com )

Do you spend as much time as I do talking with your boys about the horrible images of girls that litter their games, their manga and their songs?

I refuse to let my sons treat or witness women being treated like meat. We have to humanize girls to boys, whether they have sisters or not, so that they cannot bear to stand there, watch and DO NOTHING. I tell and lecture them that witnessing brutality is to brutalize just as, in early years, witnessing bullying is to bully. Stand up and be counted, young men - hear your mother's stories of what happened in her past and those of her friends and refuse to have it repeated on your watch. Then you will know you are a man.  </lecture>

Lisa Stone BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone ) Surfette ( http://surfette.typepad.com ) BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

The school's response is neither compassionate NOR understanding.  By not accepting at least PART of the blame they are only making the crimes committed against this young lady even worse. 

I have a 7th grader and I assume that if I were to drop him off at a school dance (which would be an "after school" event in his case and during daylight hours) that the chaperones in charge and the school personnel there would do an adequate job of supervising. 

This should NEVER have happened.  Never.

Stop Screaming I'm Driving! ( http://stopscreamingimdriving.com )

I seem to recall reading about Richmond, CA as a troubled school district over a decade ago, so it seems strange that there wouldn't be a police presence at an event like this, even off duty. 

That said, I am trying to think what the expectation would be for teachers and chaperones. Usually their job is to try to prevent drugs and alcohol from getting in to the event as well as anyone under the influence.  For those reasons, once someone leaves an event, they often can't get back in.  There's no one patrolling the grounds.

Marybeth's response above would be much closer to the right one, but what happens with school districts when they are under attack or under scrutiny, as this one I believe has been for many years, is that they feel cornered and go on the offensive. They couldn't even make themselves appear to be part of the solution.

It would be interesting to know what sort of justice is meted out.  Richmond should probably not have any more dances for a while.

- Lisse

@ ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com ) Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels

I can't even begin to put into words the disgust I feel over this. What I can say, however, is that the school should not have responded like that. In my town, the way things are run is like this: From the time you leave your home/parents/guardians (whether it be walking or riding the bus) on your way to school to the time you get home/with your parents/guardians you are the school's responsibility. When I was in 4th grade my bus passed a couple kids walking home from school. They were in the middle of a fist fight. The bus pulled over, the driver separated the kids and we went on. When I got to school the next day I found out that the students were being punished as if they were fighting on school grounds - because they hadn't made it home yet. They were still the responsibility of the school.

I realize that I live in a small town, a place where the school is likely more able to have policies like this, but I think that to a degree every school should think like this.