Family and Dysfunction

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Family is very important. They shape us into who we become regardless of good or bad. Family will always be family no matter what happens and you can’t change that. Some families have secrets; some have not so secrets, dysfunctions etc. We either learn to deal with the dysfunction or suppress it. We can’t choose our family but we have the power to deal with them on our own terms.

My family is kind of all over the place, there is no cohesion, everyone just kind of do their own thing.  Certain family members are closer than others causing a bit of a distance between us. In my house it was my mom, dad and my younger sister. She and I fought a lot growing up because she was always breaking my things. As we grew older and had more in common we became closer. When I moved out and got my first apartment she practically lived at my house.  Our bond grew closer when we became mothers.  I didn’t have the relationship with my mother that I wanted. We were close until I reached the age of 11 or 12 and then everything changed. I didn’t understand what was going on but I longed for her affection. Looking back I now understand what happened with us. My mom is the first-born and was treated a certain way growing up and she repeated the cycle with her first born. When I left home our relationship improved but not to the level I would like to be.  When my parents divorced my dad moved to Oklahoma City and that was hard on me. I didn’t have a problem with my parents divorcing because I understood why they needed to split. I just needed my dad closer to me.

2003 my dad moved from Oklahoma to Dallas, TX and asked me to think about moving that way. I have always wanted to live somewhere else (mainly New York) everything around me was crumbling so I made the decision to move from Los Angeles to Texas. June 28, 2004 I was officially a Texas resident. What I didn’t know is that my relationship with the ones closest to me would change. What was once a very close relationship with my sister turned into us not speaking and some hurtful things being said. My mom decided she didn’t want to have a relationship with me and I didn’t understand why. I have lived in Dallas for nine years and my mom has not once come to visit my kids and me. In the end the ones who have suffered the most are my nephews and my kids.

It’s been five years since I’ve spoken to my sister. After 3 years of not speaking my mom decided she wanted to communicate with me and said she would never stop speaking to me. Well that only lasted about 3 months because she stopped taking my calls again. My feelings were hurt but once I truly understood what was going on I put it in the hands of God. I honestly forgave them and myself for this whole situation. I also understand my mom was just doing what was done to her. That curse was going to stop with me. My daughter is my oldest child and I refuse to pass this dysfunctional behavior to her. I worked very hard to break some generational curses so my kids would not have to feel how I have felt in my life. When I moved from California I was leaving behind a bad relationship and a part of myself I didn’t like. I have grown so much over the past nine years emotionally and spiritually. My progress has been because of my faith in God. He has seen me through all of my situations and I know he will see me through many more. I have worked hard to transition my life so I can become the person I am proud to look in the mirror and see. My relationships are very important to me and my relationships with my family are just as important. My dad moved back to Oklahoma but that wasn’t that bad. It’s only 2 ½ hours and I see him and my grandmother frequently. Having them helped with not feeling so alone out here and for my kids to have family close by. They were able to meet my great grandmother and spend a lot of time with her before she passed away at 106 years old. I was still missing my sister and after several failed attempts to make amends with my sister; I decided that situation also needed to be put in Gods hands. I have to continue to live my life and know that one day the wounds will heel and we will speak again. To my surprise this past Friday I received an unexpected text message from my sister………my prayers have been answered.


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