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If you’re like most loving moms, you’re always on the lookout for a fun family activity to do with your kids. Here’s my modest proposal to add to your repertoire.
One morning last week I was sitting at my desk when suddenly I received a call from the school nurse. I love it when she calls, because it’s almost always good news.
“I’m sorry to tell you this, Marinka,” she said, “but your daughter has mice.” “Oh?” I said. How fun! Mice are cute and furry. I love all of God’s creatures, big and small. “I wonder where she got the mice!”“Not mice,” she school nurse said. “Pies.”
“Why, pies are delicious!” I remarked. I really hoped that she had strawberry rhubarb, because that kind of pie is my very favorite. It’s been a problem because my husband doesn’t like them at all, so whenever he is in charge of pie acquisition, he always gets blueberry. I mean, really? Blueberry? What are we,four years old? I don’t know how I’ve put up with this pie torment for so long.
“NO! Pies! With an 'L'!” I heard the school nurse shouting into the phone.
Look, I don’t keep up with the culinary arts, so if they have some sort of— Oh.
Lice.
Got it.
Or my daughter did.
I hung up the phone and shot myself out of the cannon to arrive at the school. When my children need me, I'm there. Especially if it means that it gets me out of a meeting.
I was greeted at the school by my daughter. And my son.
“Hello darlings!” I waved to them from a safe distance. “Why are you both waiting for me here, in what appears to be a quarantined area?”
And then the school nurse told me the great news. It turned out that not just one, but both of my children had lice. Can you believe it? It’s only September and I already have a draft of my end-of-year brag letter all set!
“So you need to get a comb—” the school nurse started to say, but I stopped her right there. Get a comb? Excuse me, but I’m a patriot. And in these tough economic times, I like to give our struggling economy a shot in the arm.
We presented ourselves at Hair Fairies a mere hour later. We were told that the hair, er…fairies would comb through the children’s hair with love and fine-tooth combs and pick out the lice and the nits (those are eggs; apparently lice are not mammals! See? We’re learning already!). We also learned that the bedsheets and clothes would have to be washed every day.
I readily agreed. “Absolutely,” I said. “We will do whatever is necessary. Just let me know which one of you is also the laundry fairy.” They looked at me with an expression that I can best describe as love and admiration and didn’t say anything. Just some head shaking, to stress the aforementioned love and admiration. Or maybe to get the lice out, who knows?
I called my husband to tell him the excellent news. “I’m sorry that I’m leaving for Europe tonight,” he said. He sounded sad and not at all like he was getting ready to pop a bottle of champagne and bite into a truffle.
We stayed at Hair Fairies for six wholesome hours while my children’s hair was combed out. It was almost too much joy for one family to contain! Of course kids being kids, they did get into a competition of who had more lice versus more eggs. But we turned that into a fun math game, too!
Some $600 later we went home, happy and satisfied. What a great way to spend the afternoon! Sure, we were sad that it our visit to Hair Fairies was over, but we comforted ourselves with the knowledge that we had laundry to do at home, shampooing and combing out and at least two more visits to our fairy friends ahead of us.
So if you’re ever at a loss for something that’s wholesome and fun for the entire family, consider getting lice. Because you can’t spell “family fun” without some of the letters in “LIce INFestAtIoN.”
Marinka
