Fantasies of not being a working mom

One of the hardest things about the breakup of my marriage was realizing that this was probably the death of any dreams of not being the breadwinner. The end of any fantasies of not working full time. The stop to any plans to chuck it all and go back to school.

We had plans that I would work part-time when then kids were toddler and preschool age. But when the time came for my daughter, it made better financial sense for my unemployed husband to do that. Now that my son is that age, it isn't financially possible... I have to support us on 2/3 of my salary (since the remainder I am legally required to give to my husband as "spousal support").

It is been hard to close that door...

Why is this on my mind today you ask? well, I am home sick today. I have actually only worked a few hours for the last week and a half, but the first week was with sick kids... Today is the second day I stayed home for my own sickness. Yesterday, I was too sick to think about it, but today I am just weak, not really sick. I am trying to rest so that I can truly get well and I don't have a relapse.

I am having visions of what my life could be like if I was a stay-at-home mother like so many other bloggers I follow.... And today, I am a little envious.

P.S. Most of the time, I love my work. But the past few months have been a bit harder. I am transitioning between projects and most days I have to force myself to start my work. That isn't typical... Additionally, I have been feeling behind / stressed / rushed and yet have been having a series of personal issues that have taken time from work.

My head isn't in the game right now. Each time I start to get more 'in the game' something has been coming up in my life to shift my focus.

Maybe, this is just a lesson that I need to be here now? Just to live the life that I have, and not worry about the rest? Thoughts to ponder...




D










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