Fat pants and flat shoes.

Once upon a time, before I was Mrs. MPH and long before I became Mommy,  I had a pretty sweet gig as a marketing assistant. It was my first job in my field after I graduated college. It was quasi-exciting in that I worked 40 hours a week, got paid every two weeks and even had (holy ham and beans!) insurance. You know, grown up stuff. Yes friends, life was good. 

My very favorite part about that job wasn't the challenging work or opportunity for advancement, because believe me, there was little to none of either of those things. No, my very favorite part of that job was... wait for it... getting to wear cute, grown-up clothes and high heels every. single. day.

Photo Attribution: Denis Todorut

I know. Shallow, right?


Ask any college girl worth her weight in Sephora points if they daydream about pencil skirts, cashmere cardigans and gorgeous leather t-strap heels. They do. I promise.

This is one of the ways that being a mom is completely different than your previous life.

Oh. You already know where I'm going with this?

Fat pants.

Yep. Fat pants.

Everyday. Sweat pants. Yoga pants. Leggins.  Mom pants.

You don't even think about pencil skirts anymore. In fact, the idea of wearing a skirt at all terrifies you.

And high-heels? I don't freakin' think so.  It's flat shoes for me from here on out.

It's the tragedy that befalls hopeless, helpless husbands everywhere. They marry a stylish, sophisticated, well-dressed, put-together girl.  Then, they wake up several years later next to a tired, haggard, cranky mom with bags under her eyes and still wearing yesterday's fat pants. YESTERDAY'S FAT PANTS!

I'm so, so freaking sorry. MPH, I am not the woman you married anymore.

I'm a mom. I have stains on all my clothes. A few of them might be baby poop. I hope not, but no guarantees.  My complexion sucks now because I only sleep a few hours at a time. I have some worry lines and smile lines and sometimes don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I can't imagine what you see when you look at me sometimes.

I wear UGGs now. And Crocs. Crocs and UGGs... really. With my fat pants. I can get ready (shower, makeup, hair, everything) in about 20 minutes. I only shave my legs about once every two weeks (yikes) so that saves a lot of time... which is important, right?

Sometimes I feel like a really hysterical episode of What Not to Wear.  You know, where Stacey and Clinton try to transform the mopey, sloppy Vera Bradley-carrying Mom into a hipper, fresher, more Kate Spade-ish version of herself. Except the mom rebels and refuses to follow the rules and spends all the free clothes money on more leggins and UGGs. And another Vera Bradley diaper bag. And cookies.

I like cookies. And I like my fat pants. And my babies.

And my life.

From my view, my life looks pretty darn good. Even if I, well... don't. (wink)

Moms, how have you changed since you traded in your former life for fat pants?


Rachel lives in indiana with her 2 very small, very loud, very happy children and My Poor Husband. She enjoys blogging, photography, naps, Diet Coke and drawing mustaches on pictures of her children. You can visit her blog at www.poppytheblog.com


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