What Happened When My Dad Walked Away After the Divorce

I have and am currently dealing with the same thing. My dad disappeared for most of my life and now, here he is and I'm almost 25. But what's worse is that he won't even show remorse for his absence and the hurt it caused me. He wrote to me yesterday after I asked him to own up to his mistakes and he said, "I own up to whatever mistakes you think I made within reason." Whatever mistakes I think he made, not simply mistakes he made. And then he went on to say that my mother knew where he was and basically that I could've found him if I wanted to. It wasn't my place to find you, it was your responsibility to find me. To make me feel loved and wanted. But alas, that's how it can be with certain people.

I'm sorry you went through the same and it is a really hard lesson to learn. But I'm glad you're working on it and getting through it. Good post!

By the way, if you feel like checking out some of my posts on it, go to www.alittleabouteverythingandnothing.blogspot.com

I'm so glad that you were able to write this. Having gone through a similar experience, I know how painful it is and how scarring. Why are there no support groups for this?! I hope as you get more distance, you'll see that although he wasn't around, you had other people who stuck with you. Hopefully, the love they gave will outshine the love he withheld. I have a couple of blog posts on the subject:

The story: http://quirkyfusion.com/2010/10/the-kids-are-all-r...

The fallout: http://morethanmommy.com/2010/12/rejected-dejected...

I have so, so much that I would like to tell you. I've been there. I've lived this. I know the damage it does. I know the gaurding and the not being able to trust. But I have 15 years on you so I also know that time allows to happen. I know this sounds weird, but I wish I could sit and talk with you about this in person.

I'm sorry. You deserved much better than your dad gave you. His leaving your life when you were in your late teens wasn't due to anything you did, but because he wasn't a good father to you. He should have seen you make dumb decisions and have STILL been there for you. You're right - it is his loss.

I feel like I could have written a post much like this. I struggle with this daily. My dad's leaving was a bit different - he would punish me for some small infraction by not seeing or talking to me - but it had the same results. I'm always afraid that people will let me down so I don't let them in in the first place. It's rough.

Thanks for writing this. I think more women struggle with this than people know.

I struggle with the same things, but my parents stayed together. My mother physically was around but mentally is in some other dimension, even to this day. Learning how to parent self is a frustrating reality, the scars will remain, but I am thankful for the love and forgiveness I have learned. Be gentle with yourself.

My parents divorced when I was just an infant and my dad has had very little contact with us our whole lives. He would occasionally call or write, be good about it for a few months and then forget again, or be too busy. It was crushing. I am now 33 years old and will be meeting him face to face for the first time in February. If he follows through. If. Thank you for sharing your story, and you're right, it is THEIR loss to not have us.

I just came across your blog while I was surfing the Website and could not but stop to comment.

You are a survivor. You are strong. I know I shouldn't use the phrase, "I understand" but I think at least on some level I feel like I do. There was a time in my life that I thought I could trust nobody. I taught myself to live "alone", not relying on anyone, not trusting anyone. I became strong in one sense but at the same time, an awkward being in human relationships. I hope that you are still able to trust some people, rely on some people.

I'm sorry if I'm totally off base.

I could have written this very post. There are so many kids out there suffering this "loss". And isn't it funny how it can channel bad feelings within you to question your self worth? For me, it became my mission to be perfect...to be enough. I thought I had to get perfect grades, shine, be skinny (which developed into anorexia), and yet no matter what I did it was not good enough for me. I am 50 now and still have to talk myself off that emotional ledge every. single. day. I also hid in a bubble out embarrassment of my family and have horrible relationship trust issues because they might "leave". (another story post completely). What we cannot do is blame our parents or anyone else for the cards we are dealt as ADULTS, but if anyone says this does not change and mold a person has never been there. For me, my dad was also an alchoholic and it took me til 23 years old to come face to face with him and talk the truth (instead of his life justifications and blurry memories HE had that was not reality). After that, we were better. On the same level. It cleared the are but did not change anything. Your parents are not chosen,l...they just are. They dont always deserve your love. Or respect. Sometimes you just have to roll on with your life and maybe out of some duty, have some semblance of relationship with them. But the buck stops there. No matter of guilt or hopes or wishes should not allow a person to look back and fault themselves for the "sins of your father" (or mother). Life goes on kiddo and so glad you found yourself again. Writing this took courage and wisdom. Be happy now and good for you for not torturing yourself anymore. You ARE good enough and always have been, I am sure.

Eileen

It was his loss, you're right. I appreciate your honesty.

Thanks for sharing, it's very relatable. Good job!

Great post...you're the best Lauren!!!