On Fecund Thought

I started this blog on March 2, 2013, just four days after I learned I was going to miscarry my first pregnancy. It’s a blow-by-blow account of the trauma of miscarriage — the physical pain and the accompanying grief and bewilderment that goes along with losing a much-longed-for pregnancy. In this sense, it’s a live chronicle, happening in real time, day by day.

My missed miscarriage has shown me a heartbreak different to any other I have ever experienced. I have known women who have miscarried but never truly understood the anguish they and their partners felt until now. And why should I have? It isn’t possible to understand the enormity of the disappointment and pain for such a loss until you have experienced it directly. When miscarriage happens to you, you become part of a dreadful club to which few want membership.

I am learning that the club has more members than I could have imagined. Since starting this blog, I have connected with women all over the world who have commented, tweeted, or emailed me to say I, too, know the pain of losing a baby. I am also learning that as different as each individual pregnancy loss is from another, there are great similarities in the gamut of emotions.

I decided to call this blog On Fecund Thought because I wanted a name that I could grow into: first, I have to acknowledge and experience my loss it in all its hideous glory; then second (fecund!), move past the heartbreak and onto a happier point in my journey to motherhood.