Feelings I Love

I love when I'm ready to go on a trip and the house is clean and the bags are packed and I can just sit and truly relax.  I love when I'm out walking with my kids and my dog and I have everything we need in a small backpack, including snacks for an impromptu picnic.  I love when I come downstairs during the Christmas season and see our house looking clean and special.  I love when I once drove on a roadtrip feeding myself, my dog and my small parrot bites of my Gala apple.  I love when the silverware drawer is clean and the children's clothes are neatly folded and my files in the file cabinet are labeled correctly.

I love when things just feel in place like when I pull up my jeans and they button easily.

I love when I can wake up early and get things done.

I exercised this morning and got that done.  My scale at home finally showed a drop in some weight but the scale at the rec center showed a completely different number.  Eh- whatever.  I think the weight is about to start dropping a bit because my butt is very jiggly.  The jiggles seem to be more prominent when the innards are tightening up.  It's a weird process.  In my head I wonder when I will need new underwear.  My current ones have been with me for years - literally.  They've been on me through two pregnancies and fit me then and fit me when I was my most fat and still stay on my body.  They're rather magical, but not particularly a magic I need around.  The next trip to the big city might include some shopping for new drawers.

I came home, showered, did dishes.  Now I am sitting here with my little one by my side eating her cereal and I'm looking around at my cluttered messy living room.  I tossed 27 things the other day and felt good.  I prepped to get other stuff ready for filtering to give away or sell, but I didn't get any further.  I so want my body and home to reflect health and creativity and life, but it's a daunting process at times and easy to be overwhelmed, which just zaps the energy right out - a nasty little spiral. 

And as I sit here I wonder about weight and homeostasis and priorities.

Our bodies are absolutely amazing - our bodies and our minds that is - at how well they keep us content wherever we are at.  Sometimes we don't ever recognize that we are not really content.  It seems like part of their job is to keep us willing to go with the flow in order to be resilient.  I am capable of living in all sorts of situations and I am certainly quite capable of living with an overcluttered body and house, but it does make life a bit more like trudging along through a thick trail of snow and not really out there dancing and leaping on the beach.

I can live quite fine, but it's not really the life of peacefulness, openness, joy and creativity I want.

I got up and turned on some music. That helps.  I cleaned up a bit.  That helps.  I feel like my priorities might be screwed up.  I took care of me today.  And now I'm taking care of the house?  What about my kids??  Of course, I did hug and snuggle with my kids and I read them some books and fed them and now they are actively caught up in some good collaborative imaginative play with the stroller and sticks and train tracks and crab pot.  Perhaps I'm not doing them a disservice, but I feel like I am.

Big breath.

We have not done any crafts or art in forever.  It seems like we've been busy being outside or letting them just play on their own, but I think ...

nope. My first task while the weather is nice and the kids are fine on their own is my house and my body.  My body is coming along.  My house needs some help and once it is more intentionally cleaned out, then it will feel better and I think that will be better for the kids too.

Feng Shui trash day again for me!  Twenty-seven things I shall rid from my house today (the number can include scraps of paper).  This is all I have to achieve - similar to only 20 minutes of exercise a day.  And if I do it, hooray.  And if I do it more than the expectation, super hooray.

Now off to brew another cup of coffee!

(And this afternoon after naps, a bike ride with kids and a hike)

 

 

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