Fell in love with myself on Valentine's Day

FEB 14, 2010

Fell in love (with myself) on Valentine's Day

You know what I'm NOT going to write about? I'm not going to say that Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by Hallmark. I'm not going to talk crap about how men should shower their women 365 days a year, and February 14th should be the norm and not the exception. I know you would expect me to go on a rant about the 28 years of my life that I spent feeling like a pathetic loser because I still hadn't found "the one". And you probably would imagine that someone who is currently making $12/hour as a part-time family assistant would complain about the pressure to spend money on chocolates and dinner just because that's what is expected on this day of the year. Nope. That's not what this is about. This is about falling in love with the person who least expects it but most deserves it--myself.

February 14th is the day that Boyfriend was born. For that a reason alone, I'm grateful that this day exists, and I feel it a great pleasure to celebrate his life with him year after year. But today I discovered something I never knew about February 14th. Because Boyfriend flew 3,000 miles away yesterday to be with his family, I woke up this morning alone on Valentine's Day. Alone. On. The. Day. Of. Romance.

Alone? On the day of romance?! Maybe it's not the end of the world..

I couldn't be with Boyfriend today on his birthday---the day of lovers--so I chose the next best option. Today, instead of sulking and feeling lonely and sorry for myself, I celebrated my respect for me. Every single one of us has the potential to be ridiculously romantic, but sometimes we feel less-than-loved when we find ourselves with the one person who should love us more than anyone else..ourself. And you know what? That is the one person who should be showered with attention, affection and love--not just on Valentine's Day, but every single day of the year. Today I proposed to show myself how much I love being me. Instead of moping around because Boyfriend is thousands of miles away, I vowed to celebrate, and I did a damn good job of showing how wonderful and amazing I am.

75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky at 10 A.M. The southern California sun shined down on all the lovers and said, "Go ahead. Make your day." Love was in the air! I loaded up my car for a day of true love and surfing at my favorite SoCal surf spot, San Onofre . Items needed: turkey sandwich, big bottle of water, beach towel, surfboard, wetsuit, sunscreen, Eric Clapton autobiography, sappy tunes. I popped in my favorite sexy time c.d. and hit the PCH. As Bon Iver sung sweet nothings in my ear, I hardly was bothered by the bumper-to-bumper holiday traffic of love birds and weekend beach goers.

The waves were coming in steadily; slow and smooth and consistent. I grabbed my trusty surfboard (coincidentally named Big Red) and paddled out. Though we were amidst hundreds of surfers, I felt like it was just me and Big Red, in the Pacific together, making sweet love with each other as the waves rolled in. Big Red and I caught three waves from the outside and rode them in, almost all the way to the shore. That feeling, the moment you know you know you've found "the one", is one of the sexiest feelings a human can experience. It was an ideal romantic surf day, and love was still all around.

After quality sexy time with Big Red in the ocean, I laid on the beach and had lunch while reading about Clapton and his first encounters with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan. When I was feeling crispy, I packed up, French kissed the warm sand beneath me and hit the road to the grocery store.

One of my favorite things to do with my lover is eat delicious meals, but today my favorite dining partner is far far way. That's no reason why I shouldn't spoil my senses rotten. I bought the appropriate ingredients for an extravagant meal: red snapper, ginger (I had to ask a fellow shopper how to buy ginger and how to grate it), garlic, arugula, pine nuts, a bottle of Malbec, a carton of long-stemmed strawberries, semi-sweet chocolate chips, baby carrots, two candles and a horrible romantic comedy starring Jennifer Garner. Total cost of my day of amore: $37.

Next item on the pamper-me list: a lavender oil bath. I turned on some Sufjan Stevens, dimmed the lights, lit some candlea, poured a glass of wine and drew a warm lavender bubbly bath. I closed my eyes and wondered what Boyfriend was doing. As soon as I felt my mind drift, I forced myself to come back and concentrate on the present. Boyfriend is not here at the moment. You are here. Be in love with this moment as it is.

Still missing Boyfriend but feeling completely refreshed, I wandered across the street to say goodbye to the sun as it dipped below the Pacific. Lovers embraced each other arm and arm all around me. I took a photo of an old couple next to me and wondered how many times they had watched the sunset together in their lives on February 14th.

Back at home, I poured another glass of wine and called Boyfriend as I started my romantic dinner for one. An hour later, my Valentine's Dinner was prepared: lemon red snapper, ginger baked carrots, arugula and pinenuts salad and a dozen chocolate covered strawberries. I put on a the romantic movie and indulged in my self-created delectable delights. Ahhhh..to be in love!

My mind now wanders back to Boyfriend and how I long for his presence. I hate knowing that we are not together on his birthday, but I know he is where he needs to be right now. Boyfriend will come home soon, and we will celebrate February 14th; not because it's Valentine's Day but because it's the day he was born 31 years ago. As for Valentine's Day, this is a day for the hopeless romantics, and I'm hopelessly in love with the way it turned out.

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