Finally Of Age to Speak My Mind, Burp and Fart, and Dieting Be Damned!

Having reached the sacred age of Senior Citizen-hood—with the obvious gray hairs now spreading like a virus, a permanent feature with which to easily pick me out of a crowd—I accept that I have earned the privilege—if not the right, if I so choose—of joining the ranks of women who simply dare to behave badly. So I can choose to be a nuisance to the public and an embarrassment to my husband and children, now, or maybe later!

To join the ranks of badly misbehaving Senior Citizen women means I will never be pushed around again. I will be feared at first sight; store clerks and waiters will run and hide when they see me coming through the doors, lest I talk their ear off and ask personal and embarrassing questions, or simply talk and talk, endlessly, telling about my children and grandchildren, who calls often, who doesn’t call at all…. And Heaven forbid I then begin telling, in horrific details, about my aching limbs, my past surgeries, and many other physical and mental ailments, and loud-enough for all within ear-shot to hear.

Have you ever noticed how these Senior Citizen women always appear so darn sweet and gentle? But let me tell you, they are neither sweet nor gentle; these creatures are deceptively scary! Have you ever seen them in a party? They gather like a mob of quiet lambs. Just watch how they protect the table with food, and then watch them quickly devour the goodies, like hungry rabbits, and even stuffing nibbles in napkins to take home.

It amazes me to see how much food they can actually put down, these Senior Citizen women, most with seemingly small fragile bodies. They reach for each helping using mere fingertips. And though they appear ever dainty, they eat with hearty indulgence, all the while burping and farting, shamelessly, like drunken sailors in a bar.

That could be me one day! I will evolve into one of them, morphing like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. It is inevitable, I am told. I will become one of them.

But I will admit there are also reasons for me to envy, these badly misbehaving Senior Citizen women. They don’t care what the rest of the world thinks about them. They were young once, and time has made them hardened soldiers, unbreakable, unbendable.

They’ve already walked paths we’re still considering. They’ve seen life in a big way. They’ve done it all, and did it the hard way. They’ve lived and tasted all that life has had to offer, both the bitter and the sweet.

So who am I to judge them? I should consider myself proud to be ranked among them, these badly misbehaving Senior Citizen women. When my time comes, I will proudly burp and fart among them. And just like them, my diet be damned!

We dream a life to be; we live to dream that life! (vka)

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