Finally My Answer Part 1
I walk to the front door, and before I open it, my last thought is to make sure I find out if he wants to have anything to do with the baby or not. Stop skipping around the issue; can I just have an answer already?
As I pull the door open, I stand there with no reaction. He takes a step inside and immediately hugs me. I, put my arms around him, feeling comfort once again. I pull away and go to the couch. We sit side by side, as he speaks the first words, “I’ve missed you.”
My bitterness takes hold as I respond, “It doesn’t seem like it.”
“I have. I’ve just been busy.”
“Ok?” For me that only gets a person so far. How can you be THAT busy that you can’t call for weeks? I just don’t get that nor will I ever. He proceeds to tell me about work. His increase in responsibility and his new projects take up a lot of his time. I listen, waiting for my turn to talk.
After he finishes speaking, he lies down on the couch and pulls me toward him to lie beside him. I follow gently, as my head rests on his chest. My mind continues racing, and I know I won’t be calm until he hears what I have to say. I prop my right elbow up and lean my head on my right hand to see his face and expressions. I say, “There are some things that I need to say. More importantly, there are things I need you to really hear me on.”
I start, “I know you’ve done and seen things that most people haven’t, but don’t ever bring up people starving in Africa again to me. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it firsthand. I know there are people in need all over the world. And I won’t have that thrown in my face. If I made every life decision based on people starving in the world, I would never do anything. I would literally never leave my house. That’s not fair to bring that up…and I won’t have you try to make me feel guilty by doing so.”
He just lays there not saying a word. So I continue with a softer tone, “Does that make sense?”
“Next, I understand you are busy. But I need this (as I motion to myself and the baby in my stomach) to be your priority. If that means you need to do what you need to do with work in order to get back to us safely, and then do it. But we need to be your top priority…above anything else.”
“Ok.” He pauses for a minute and then says, “Can we just lay here now?”
“No, I have one more thing to say.”
“This is the most important one…and I need an answer to it.”
I wait a second before I continue half scared at what his answer might be. But also willing to face it, because I’m tired of waiting, wondering, and guessing. I need to hear it from him. I close my eyes before I say it, hoping he says what I want to hear, “Do you want to have anything to do with the baby?”
I open them before he responds with, “Yes.”
“Wait. What did you say?”
“Yes. I do. I want you tell me when your first doctor’s appointment is, because I want to be there.”
I take a deep breath in…not believing what I just heard, but also letting it sink it. I let out my breath. I kiss him passionately before I put my head back on his chest, trying to contain my tears from falling down my face, as I say, “Ok, I will let you know.”
I feel like this is what I’ve been waiting for. For him to stand beside me and to finally give me my answer. It’s the answer I’ve wanted…the one I’ve hoped for. And yes, I finally got it.
He lifts my head up and puts his lips to my mouth. It doesn’t take but a second for the passion to ignite in us….it’s been too long since we’ve held each other, since we’ve been so close. I want to feel him again.
After we finish, his lifeless body automatically collapses on me, until I tell him, “You have to get off.”
His weight bears down on my ever expanding stomach, and it can’t take the pressure. To others, you can’t tell I’m pregnant, but to me, there is definitely a slight bulge where it was once flat.
We lay side by side in each other’s arms, until night falls. As he leaves, I feel so good. I feel like my world and my life has changed. I finally got my answer, and I now know this is the beginning of my life with him…the father of my child….and I feel great for the time being.