Finding Love: Afterwards

this is how the story ends, but it's not how it began:

one mama, one baby boy

who just can't get enough of each other

 

after thirty-eight weeks of dreaming, wishing, hoping, blessing, sacrificing and

seven hours of labor

he was laid in her arms.

she waited for the rush of love and the bursting open of her heart that had been promised

and she waited and she waited

 

he was small, swaddled, a stranger

 

she felt nothing and she knew something must be wrong with her

she smiled and chatted and felt empty inside

 

going through the motions, trusting that love would come 

everyone else wanted to hold, to snuggle, exclaim

she just wanted a nap and a snack

 

how could she carry this baby for nine months and not know him?

 

she wanted to cry when he cried

but in secret

on the outside she wanted to hold it together 

so that the people around her would think she was a good mom

that she wasn't overwhelmed

or tired

or lonely without a baby in her belly

but she was

 

then after days and weeks of going through the motions

of holding it together

of practicing love when she didn't feel it

 

he found her eyes in the mirror and locked his gaze

he settled sweetly into her arms

he slept through the night

he smiled when he was fed

and loved going shopping

 

she suddenly realized who he was:

hers

 

her heart began to grow

sizes in single moments

 

the shame she felt was replaced by grace

and by love

oh! by love

 

 

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