Finding Peace-letter to an ex

I was weak. 

When I dressed up nice, put my lipstick on and put on that bracelet you bought me, I waited for your comments. I waited for that reassurance, that longing look that lasted a few minutes longer than it should, that compliment to ease my worries. What I got was a glance, a flippant comment such as “Fix your hair.” You eroded my self esteem.

When you spoke badly of my family. I appeased you, I tried to reason with you even though you were being a selfish snob. 

When you made me cry, you got angry because of my weakness. I felt bad.

When you paraded me in front of your friends, the models, the designers, the ugly rich. You scoffed at me, made me feel cheap.

When you had eroded every single individual thought from my mind until I was an empty shell with only your name on my lips and in my mind. You left me then. You turned cold, shrugged off my affection, met my pleas with stony silence and worst of all, indifference. I simply did not matter anymore. I was not even important enough to be treated humanely. 

I was nothing but I still got on that tube, then the train and then the plane. I fell apart. I cried out your name over and over. I broke. I was shattered,in pieces. I got through, I made my life happen through the heartbreak and the pain. I grew back to me or a newer version of me. I broke free of both our shackles. I loved you. The past tense. You don’t matter to me anymore. I don’t cry over you. You are my history. You caused scars and broke me more than any person I thought could. However people have come into my life now that see me, actually see me. I can laugh without brooding intensity. I can have fun without looking behind me.

Simply you are done. I know you will succeed in life and I wish you the best. 


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