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First Dates: Fun?
by Liz RizzoIn honor of the date I have this week, I thought I'd see what's blogging in the first date department.
Dear Sugar offers us 10 First Date Questions, and while some of them read like, "What's your favorite color?" it's true that it never hurts to have a couple obvious conversation starters in your pocket. (At least you *hope* they're conversation starters!) And then there's this:
First dates are typically meant for getting to know one another, but when our nerves get the best of us, it's easy to walk away from the night without really learning much about him at all.
In L.A., it's often the movie talk that gets ya. You get home and you've got half their DVD shelf in your head and next to nothing else. So while it may seem silly to bring questions to a first date, it doesn't hurt to have a couple ready just in case.
I love this post from Danamarie on in this day & age so much, I'm going to forgive the black blog background and the MUSIC (which thankfully the pause button is fairly obvi): our first date... well, the version i remember (she says):
it's tricky when you're "friends first"... we did a lot and pretty much had everyone thinking we WERE dating, well before we ever ACTUALLY were (which, truth be told, is EXACTLY how i wanted it... stir up some rumors, maybe that'll nudge him into thinking we should make this official and whatnot).
I guess he was happy to be nudged, because they seem like the cutest couple, OMG. Seriously, how sweet is this:
BUT, i'm pretty sure our first real date-- our first real outing as a couple, was to see Emmett Swimming at Fletchers, with your mom & carrie. I'm pretty sure of this, because i remember thinking, "wow, this is the first time i am meeting his mom as his GIRLFRIEND!!"
Sigh. That is *so* sweet. I am really hoping to end up with someone with local family. You never know, but I suppose it can't hurt to throw that wish out into the universe.
As for my own first date story... Hey, I want to get there, but even after all this time, I'm always open to some dating tips. Over on Life After College I found this great guest post by Benjy Feen: Low Stakes First Dates. There's a lot of good advice here, including this:
Have the first date as soon as you know you want to have one.
Don’t spend six months trading witty e-mail banter. Once it’s clear that this is someone you want to know better, make a date.
AMEN. I can't kiss my iMac.
OK, I can, but it's (hopefully) not the same as the real thing.
And to end on a no-matter-how-your-date-goes-it-won't-go-like-this note, Jaime from The Theler Five shared a Worst First Date she heard on the Jay Leno show about a poor woman who had to go to the bathroom on a very cold first date:
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
That relief would be short lived.
You know, these stories of completely humiliating first dates just boggle my mind. They always survive the date AND end up in some 30-year marriage, but given the choice I don't think I could make that deal - total embarrassment for the chance at neverending happiness. Heck, I'm just glad if I manage to seem remotely charming and look halfway decent!
~
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
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Comments
First Date Jitters
Oh, I don't envy you in the first date fun that awaits. I remember meeting eight men before #9 showed up. I married him 20 months later. When I was on the dating circuit I remember trying to avoid the clever witty emails and lengthy phone conversations prior to meeting. Most men were attracted to my voice, my personality, my humor, but once they saw me it was over. I even posted honest full length pictures yet they were still disappointed in person. If, when we met, his face didn't say, "OMG" and we actually had a conversation I always wanted to know what lessons he learned from his last relationship. I wanted to make sure he took some accountability for its demise. I like to know that men can reflect on a past relationship and learn from it. That was important to me. If they blame,blame,blame their last partner then they're probably not over them, haven't learned anything, and definitely not ready for a new relationship. I don't know if this helped at all. I'd love to read more on your dating adventures. Good luck and have fun!!
Tisha
A Blob Blog
www.tallensweightloss.blogspot.com
Never, unless . . .
For me it all depends.
If coming from yearning and really wanting, forget it.
When in that frame of mind I am too attached to the result to be calm and collected and able to be present.
As a result I don't hear anything other than my nasty inner voice, which never talks like my best friend but always like the worst enemy in town.
In that respect I compare such a date with the worst job interview one can have.
However if I can bring myself to come with no expectations coupled with a trusting that everything in life does work out, which was initially of course sheer impossible to do but is getting better with practice, I can shut up my enemy and be present.
Once present I can relax and actually connect and see the real person in front of me.
And then looking good is no longer the issue, not everything during that date is about me anymore.
When I could let that go, guess what.
The irony when yearning is gone, it always happens.
You will get there Liz, I did.
Wilma Ham
www.wilmasblog.com
I tend to go into first
I tend to go into first dates as if it were a job interview LOL. Not a oh-my-God-I-need-this-job kind of scenario. But as if it were one interview of many - I'm being headhunted and various companies are smoozing me. This way I can relax and really see what THEY have to OFFER me.
If, after three or four dates, he's genuinely piqued my interest, THEN I get nervous.
I like to keep my runnaway heart in line. Maybe he'll be THE ONE, but maybe not. In the meantime it's good practice to meet new people, put a good foot forward, and at least, make a new aqaintance; maybe even an in-between-relationships lover.:)
Visual Presentation
I'm sure you'll do fine, haha.. Just make sure that your visual presentation is congruent with who you're trying to present yourself to him as, personality-wise.
If you want to be the lumberjack-shirt-wearing roadie, do that. If you want to dress up like a more "feminine female" ( that ish STILL cracks me up! :D ), do that. Your gear is going to be important to him, and he's going to have an opinion on it whether he says so or not.
A friend of mine likes to wear these "Little House On The Prarie" dresses that make her look like somebody's grandmother. No good. Then again, personality-wise, she's not the leather mini type of chick either, so it's really in her best interest to find a happy medium where she's as stylish as she feels she is, but also as conservative and comfortable at the same time.
~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com
I survived!
Thanks for the great comments!
Tisha - That is SO true, and interestingly this one guy who cheated on me years ago was one of those guys who's marriage ended and he would only ever say that it was a total mystery to him why. SUCH a red flag, but I didn't know it at the time.
Wilma - I don't know, lately I think a *little* yearning on my part would put me in a more hopeful, faithful place in my mind, which I seem to be missing a bit, but mostly I'm just concentrating right now on getting out there and having some fun. I do really like meeting and learning about new people, so I go back to that if ever I'm in a strange frame of mind.
Delaine - Exactly. Dating *is* a little like job interviews; the parallels can't really be denied. Luckily, it's often a heck of a lot more fun though! And yeah, you are so right about the real nervous not coming until you're actually a little vested.
Bill - Yeah, it's such a trick to wear something that's you and comfortable and attractive. Hey, I thought of you (and your comment on my "shoes" post) in the store yesterday because I tried on this top that looked so cute on the mannequin and was my colors so even though I knew the style didn't suit me I tried it on anyway - and BLECH! Back on the rack it went.
Liz Rizzo
I blog at Everyday Goddess.
That's The Ticket! :D
haha Nice! Way to go! :D Designers don't design for EVERYONE. Stick to the subset that works for YOU, personality-wise and look/fit-wise and you'll be aiiite! :D
~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com