The "Fish" in me...

In my previous post, “The What If Blues”, I went on and on about an anxiety disorder. While I’m not going to recall the post, I do have some interesting and exciting news!

After weeks of therapy, thought journaling and intensive studying, I’ve come to the conclusion that while I may have suffered intense anxieties due to stress, I DO NOT have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I am a full-time college student (taking four classes), full-time employee, an only child to a parent who suffers with extreme depression (who depends on me for everything and is constantly expressing her disappointment of my sexuality) and a father who’s an addict (who expects me to treat him as if he’s golden). Enduring this type of stress can lead anyone to become anxious. Through it all, I’ve managed to remain independent, graduate college, obtain numerous certificates, licenses and still move forward with my life. Luckily, I’m not on medication or have ever been hospitalized, thanks to my innate ability to adapt to change.

I apologize to you, my readers, for going ranting about my wellness issue when in fact, I was being entirely too hard on myself. Not once have I considered my resilience and fact that I’m an emotional, self-pitying (at times), over-sensitive Pisces. I have this intense habit of becoming too empathetically and emotionally involved in the problems of others, especially problems of people who are close to me – like my mother. I really convinced myself that I was going crazy, when all the while, I wasn’t.

If anyone has ever known a Pisces female, you would know that we are extremely loyal and loving but at the same time, too damn sensitive, impressionable, naturally scatterbrains and indecisive; intense stress factors reveals our weaknesses – such as the ones mentioned. It’s taken some time, but I’ve learned a little bit more about myself. I’ve spent so much time rushing to adulthood that I completely missed out on being young, lost and reckless. Life has totally kicked me in the ass by allowing me to spiral at 29 and not 10 years ago.

This is what made me reach out to others and start writing again – this time about coping skills and how to stay on track with the pursuit of happiness despite life’s obstacles. I’m not perfect nor am I a certified life coach or preacher but I’ve experienced tough things and managed to work through them without sinking. I’ve done any and everything possible to keep myself on track: exercise, change in diet, minimized alcohol/partying, meditation, traveling, thought journaling, volunteering, charities and much more. I’ve grieved the loss of my “old life” and embraced the new journey of my “new life” and as I approach 30, I’m being told by older people that everyone goes through the “blues” right before reaching this new level in adulthood.

Now, instead of feeling like time is running out of the hourglass, I can marvel in the reality that my glass is now half full. Changing the way I see myself and life has brought on a heap of limitless possibilities with unbounded hope. Going forward, my postings will consist of day to day humor, events, experiences and other topics that will have nothing to do with "mental" wellness...LOL. I find that it can be quite boring and intense. It's time to open the blinds and let the light shine in!


Live your best life!

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