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If you were raised as I was, in the old school, American South way, meaning Sunday School on Sundays and heavy doses of "home training" anytime, anyplace, then you may know why an assignment to write about "five things you're proud of from 2009" shook me up a bit. I can only think of one moment in my personal history where saying "I'm proud," was cool with the folks, and the props go to the Godfather of Soul, James Brown, for that.
Otherwise, "the subject 'I' with the predicate 'am proud' should be avoided if at all possible," is what I hear in my head with admonishments such as "Nobody likes a braggart" and "Pride goeth before a fall." I have to balance this kind of upbringing and emotional baggage with the trendy "evolved" lessons of later years on building self-esteem or "I'm okay. You're okay" and the spiritual wisdom of assessing one's life fairly.
Are you doing a balanced assessment of your life if you only assess failure, never success? Of course not. You're doing yourself a disservice if you forget the good and only look at areas in need of improvement, right? Furthermore, I've read that positive reinforcement is a better teaching method than regular recrimination. It's the better way to teach not only children but also adults. The good feeling we get when we remember what we've done well is the reward that motivates us to keep up the good work.
So, on with it. Please consider the first three paragraphs everything I had to write to feel comfortable telling you the five things of which I am honestly proud without feeling like I'm breaking every rule my mother taught me on potential consequences of overconfidence. And I've got to tell you that the following list comes easily. I remember the sense of achievement or pride I felt with each of these accomplishments, and by recalling them, I look forward to 2010, thinking my life's on an upswing.
Five Things I Am Proud of from 2009
1.) My son graduated from high school and entered college: Actually, in my family where everybody is expected to go to college and has been going since my maternal great-grandfather attended seminary and my maternal grandparents met at Tuskeegee Institute, some people would be shocked to learn that I secretly fretted over whether my son would make it to college. However, I had all kinds of fears for his future during and following my divorce five years ago.
In fact, my first post as a BlogHer.com Contributing Editor nearly three years ago was about "Mothering Against The Odds: Live Well in Spite of Those Bad Statistics." The day you wake up and realize that you're now a "single mother," someone you never expected to be and one of the people the sociologists keep studying only to say "they're doomed," and you're also way too familiar with disheartening data about black males because your son is a black male, is the day you trip from bed in a cold sweat. It's the day you draw on the best your ancestors instilled in you, the best your faith's taught you, and whatever measure of character you've developed to not crumble but stand firm.
So, now he's made it! I turned my life, his life, and his sister's life into something I'd never planned, and we hit a few bumps along the way, but we did it. Today, it's up to him to keep on doing it.
2.) My daughter's back in college: My daughter, 28, started her college journey on a free ride at Princeton University in New Jersey, and more than likely she will end it at the University of New Orleans in Louisiana. There's a long story with this, and it's not mine to tell alone. It's her story.
I can say, however, that some of why my daughter is this late getting back to college feels like my fault to me. Yes, I've got dreaded mommy guilt even about my 28-year-old related to how her father and I trashed our family life.
Let me emphasize that I said "some of why." We made mistakes but she did as well, not horrific mistakes just life lesson mistakes possibly exacerbated by her being distraught over her parents' choices, and she knows that. However, I hung onto her the way my parents hung on to me when I seemed to be sending my life down the drain.
I kept
