Five Vacations I Have No Desire to Take
By Rita Arens on July 13, 2012
BlogHer Original Post
As I've aged, I've grown more comfortable owning my vacation style. The following are vacation paradise to some people (even some people to whom I'm related by blood or marriage), but they totally don't magnetize my poles.
Visit Every Baseball Stadium in America
Of all the sports, I like baseball and hockey best. Baseball is actually number one, because it's during my favorite season mostly, and you get to sit outside. However, I do not share my husband's desire to visit every baseball stadium in the country, often while we're actually on a different vacation. I've indulged him before (Cubs, Orioles, Padres, whatever-Tampa-Bay-calls-itself-now, Royals), and I'll do it again, in the name of he-does-things-he-doesn't-want-to-because-he-loves-me, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCE would I agree to a roadie specifically for the goal of visiting a stadium. Yes, it's romantic in the not-love-but-more-cool sense, but then again, so is my next pick.
Sleeping Under the Stars
Yes, I've slept in tents. Yes, I've slept under the stars without tents. A few points. 1) Dew. I spent months being consantly damp after giving birth and now I avoid it at all costs. 2) Bugs. I'm not adverse to bugs while I'm awake, but no bugs while I'm sleeping. There is no worse feeling than realizing as you're coming up from dreamland that something is crawling on you. 3) Scavengers. I've lived in the Midwest my whole life. Possums. Skunks. Coyotes. Foxes. Mice. Rats. They will walk over just about anything, and they can be terrifyingly indifferent to the vast intellectual superiority and firepower of humans, even ones who are awake.
One of my college roommates got married in Las Vegas in the Venetian hotel. That was fun (especially the Elvis impersonator following the rehearsal dinner), but generally speaking, I could care less about large displays of wealth and am biologically adverse to gambling (as in, it literally gives me panic). And the next person who says it's a great place to take kids will be handed the sludge left under the krab after a long night on the buffett table.
Anything Involving a RV
I've had friends who lived in trailers. I myself lived in one when I was a baby. Trailers are really small and hard to turn around in. RVs are just like trailers, only smaller, and you have to drive them around. Also? You have to drain the poo.
I know, I know. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It's also part of the United States that takes forever to reach. I know, I flew over it on the way to and from Australia, and at the time I thought "Holy wow, we JUST NOW passed Hawaii." The truth is that though I've traveled pretty extensively in the continental U.S., there's only one stamp in my passport and I've never even been to Mexico. (I went to Canada once on a high school band trip on a bus. My purse got stolen, we played in a competition, we lost, we rode 86 hours back home. I saw the inside of a mall.) I went to the Bahamas in college on a fluke but I don't think they even asked for a passport, because I certainly didn't have one then. I deeply desire international travel to the nations not currently attached to my own and plan to do lots and lots of it when my girl is older.
What do I want to do, lest you think I'm a homebody? First, I want to take a vacation that involves more time than money. Mine have always been the other way around because we only had so many days so we had to stay close to stuff, blah blah blah. I'd like to rent a house where I'm staying and actually experience a place for more than a week. The longest vacation I've taken in my adult life was ten days, and I went 18,000 miles during that timeframe and crossed the international date line. Good God, I would like to travel slower, thank you. I also like to do stuff, not sit and watch stuff, which probably ties into my whole baseball-and-RV issue.
Where do you NOT want not go?