How I long for the days when my children were little and the day after Halloween meant writing sweet letters to Santa, with a page (or three) full of gift ideas. What I wouldn't give for children fighting over the Wish Books and the toy catalogs so they could make their wish lists early.

Those days are gone. When I started writing this post, Liz, the 11 year old, was the only child who has started her wish list. The others were too busy or too jaded to make a list. (Or, they are hoping for cash and think that the lack of a list will make the season greener.)

I don't mind giving adult kids money, I remember what it was like to be young and poor during the holidays. A little cash tucked in a stocking is a good thing. But, I like to give gifts and they like to unwrap gifts so I still require at least something that resembles a list.

Here's my strategy for tricking manipulating convincing my kids to just give me a darn list, already...

1) Ask. I know, that seems like a ridiculous idea but once kids reach teenhood or adulthood, they are so busy that they forget that they should make a holiday wish list. If they're like some of my big kids, they also might not want to sound like they're greedy bums who just want to talk about holidays in terms of what they are going to get. (Kids younger than 13 rarely worry about this.) I've found that the simple Ask technique works on those who are just barely in their teens or those who are the most gift oriented.

2) Beg. I am not above begging, pleading or whining to my teens or grown kids. They have begged me for stuff their whole lives and I'm happy to return the favor - particularly when it means they they will get good stuff out of the deal. (I may or may not also throw in some guilt while I beg.)

3) Harass. This is a close cousin of the beg. My begging turns into harassment very quickly. Every time the list-less child walks into the room, I will ask for the holiday wish list. I will call the grown children daily, and ask for the wish list. I will send emails, text messages, leave comments on their blogs, and write status updates on their Facebook pages. I will also ask their friends and neighbors to ask my child to give me a holiday wish list. (Sharon, Lorena - could you corner my son in the parking lot and tell him I need my list NOW? kthxbai.)

4) Play dumb. I have been known to send a teen child an item that I know he/she does not want and say, "I found an awesome gift for you that I know you're going to love!" The child will ask what it is, and I'll hem and haw and pretend like I don't want to tell because I want it to be a surprise. I'll let the child "get it out of me" and when she's appalled that I would even think of purchasing such a thing, I'll get huffy and remind her that if she had sent me a wish list, I wouldn't have to guess about what she would like. This has worked for me about 75% of the time. Once, a child who shall remain nameless (Jenn) loved the idea of another stuffed Elmo. I was the one who ended up being appalled.

5) Use sibling rivalry. A simple reminder to the grown up kids that the little kids have made their lists and they've made really LONG lists. This means that on Christmas day when small children are gleefully opening gift after gift, the big children who did not make lists (or did not make them in a timely fashion) will have to sit there and watch because they will have only a skimpy pile of gifts to open. This strategy works on the oldest kids and the youngest kids. Middle children are immune to such tactics.

And just in case none of these tactics work for you, here are some gift guides for teens and young adults that might help you with your shopping.

Maybe next year, I'll convince them to do a holiday meme... and by the way, kids are online and plotting ways to manipulate YOU into giving them what they want.

~~Denise
Flamingo House Happenings

(Personal note: Sorry mom! I know you'd like me to make a list but... I don't want anything, not even money, so none of these tactics - even the sibling rivalry one will work to get a list out of me.)