Five Year Anniversary
By Late Discovery on September 05, 2013
I haven’t written a blog here in some time, mostly due to life events, endeavors, and escapes. With so many recent anniversaries and new insights, I feel compelled to share; and since September 5th is the anniversary of my mother’s passing- it’s a must.
Most of the time, I use this venue because I think I have something of value to convey, or want to discuss the complexity of being a late discovery adoptee. I realize the majority of people know nothing about being an “LDA” so my thought is- to share is to teach. It would be a better world if in the future all adoptive parents told their children the truth about their beginning. However, today I write about healing. We all need it, we all have challenges that are speed humps or mountains and to move forward is to learn, accept, and heal.
Five years ago my life was a moving wheel of turmoil; it was one thing after another for several months. I had a deeply painful span (which was coming to a head) with one of the most important people in my life, all the while I lived with/cared for my terminally ill mother who I learned was not my biological mother at all. There were money and health challenges, catastrophic losses amid anniversaries, birthdays, and even a wedding. It was a mine field for me to maneuver, yet all I wanted was safety and to know that I was loved. One of the key relationships in my life, the one with my mother, was at the core of breaking my spirit and sense of self. But, it was for the last time. The anger component fueled me like a fight with a strength that made me feel I could get through anything, but in the quiet spaces my own mortality masked some of the day’s emotional gain. Providing hospice was a new experience with new feelings. I’ll never hear a wheeze or rattled breath-tone again without being drawn back to that moment at her bedside. Thankfully her passing was swift, but unfortunately the sights and sounds of her last days are part of my memory. (Clearly so, since I’m still discussing it five years later.) I did exactly what she wanted and I am proud of the daughter I was for her.
Good news! For me, at my core is faith. He brought me to it; He will bring me through it. That having been said, it doesn’t happen while you sit idly by waiting for relief.
These past five years have been healing and life affirming. Both can happen when a baby is born into a family. The much anticipated life added to our family, in the form of an incredible soul with a bright spirit, is my granddaughter, Everleigh (I call her my Grand one.) Healing from loss and deep wounds can be tricky. I feel that love is the winning way to manage, and I have that in spades thanks to my husband, daughter (& spouse), son (& girlfriend), and Grand one. Living in the moment with them, makes for an incredibly rich journey.
Also, healing has happened between Mother and me, with the occasional revelation or setback. I have to assume those happen because I need to remember and deal with them. It’s an ongoing process, which makes sense considering I had 43 years with my mother, and now 5 without her. She’s not a present participant in this game, but I finally figured out that she doesn’t have to be. Like other irresolvable difficulties, she gets handed over to God. The more I’ve learned to do that, the better life gets.
Recently, a website was brought to my attention; Emerging from Broken, from surviving to thriving on the journey to wholeness. http://emergingfrombroken.com/ While I knew I was on the journey of healing, I realized from their counsel that some parts are still broken. They were mostly perceptions I held, unknowingly, that I needed to see – they required attention and action. From adoption loss to abuse, you may find this website to be very helpful. They are also on Facebook and have excellent daily quotes.
If you are interesed in my memoir, "Late Discoveries" published in 2011, you can now get a free sample from Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00607VDKI/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb