Flat Butt Syndrome (FBS) and how it affects traveling
We are road warriors.
Just for the record, Merriam-Webster's definition of this word needs corrected to "a person who travels frequently with children and pets." Note to self: contact M-W on Monday.
This is not a self-proclaimed title. Our family and friends think we have lost our minds. We spend hours (many, many hours) on the road every year. In hindsight, we should have kept track of our journeys (the hours, miles, and NON-nasty potty locations.) The last five years of travel are starting to blur. Did we stop there on our way "home" from Philadelphia or after the mini-vaca to D.C., or was it just something we intended to do?
**Light bulb** (Another note to self: New blog idea.)
Flat Butt Syndrome (FBS)
Wedding bells rang for our blended family in the summer of 2005. That is when I first experienced FBS. Keeping the highways between my home in West Virginia and our home in Pennsylvania (8 hours one way) hot, we loaded all of my personal belongings and hauled them north over the summer (honestly, I forget how many trips it took.)
During the five plus years of our wedded bliss, we have worn out roads in New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, Washington, D.C., Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, and Tennessee with occasional jaunts through North Carolina, New York, and Ohio. FBS.
Trips to visit family in West Virginia from our various homes (5 homes in 4 states in less than 5 years) took us up and down many Rural Routes, Highways, Byways, Interstates, and Toll Roads. We have traveled the Pennsylvania Turnpike (the entire thing), I-68 in Maryland and West Virginia (again, the entire thing), I-75 in Tennessee and Kentucky, I-64 in Kentucky and West Virginia (all of KY and WV), I-81 from New Jersey to Tennessee, I-40 in Tennessee and North Carolina, and I-95 along with all beltways. By now, you have the picture. From our new location in the Richmond suburbs, we are finding new routes to travel to visit family in West Virginia. FBS
Our road warrior mentality makes it seem perfectly reasonable to load our 3 puberty-stricken boys, 1 why-am-I-the-only-girl daughter, our dog (who won't do #1 or #2 on a leash), our cat (who gets car sick), luggage, pillows, and various entertainment devices in the van to take a weekend trip. To where you ask? Oh, maybe we will head to Atlanta, maybe southern West Virginia, maybe north central West Virginia, or possibly the beach (the trip over/under the "make me wanna vomit" Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel is my absolute fav! Not.)
Approximately 20 minutes into our trip the questions start, "Where are we going again,"..."How long till we get there?"..."Did you say we can stop to get something to eat soon?" Quickly followed by, "I have to pee!"..."Get OFF me!"..."Mooommmm, He keeps touching me!"..."I have to pee NOW!" and the absolute best, "Tell him to quit farting!!" Yeah, we do this on purpose. All while dealing with FBS.
I look at my husband and mouth "Please rub my butt dear, it's numb. My FBS is acting up again."
Five years ago, these trips weren't so difficult. The children were younger; at least half of them would fall asleep a couple of hours in to a trip. The feeling in my thighs did not start to fade until close to our destination. My flat butt would again be round the next morning. My back and neck did not scream out in pain for at least the first six hours.
Now? My thighs numb within an hour...feeling doesn't return to them until well after we stop for the day. My back starts aching before the first rest area. My butt is flat until the day before we head back home, just in time to start the process all over again. FBS.
Flat Butt Syndrome (FBS)
Syndrome caused by sitting a long period of time in a poorly designed automobile seat . FBS is often complicated by random, quick movements toward the rear of the car in a swatting motion.
Can strike any age; however, symptoms worsen with age and are often dependent on number of juvenile riders in rear of vehicle.
Symptoms include but are not limited to: Numb thigh and butt, aching back and neck, visibly obvious flattening of gluteus maximus.
Am I the only person who has experienced this? Surely not! Road Warrior Mothers Unite!
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