Food-Allergic Kids More Likely to Be Bullied (Maybe)

We are living the life of a food allergic child.

Our 12yo son is has anaphylactic allergies to: latex (and all associated foods), melons and most fruits (the rest of the fruits have the potential to cause anaphylactic but for now are GI and oral allergy), p.nuts, tree nuts, seeds (and their oils), and anything that comes out of the ocean.

He has a GI allergy to pork (and all gelatin products: marshmallows...)

He has "issues" with wheat, rye, barley, and yeast. We eat as little of this as possible. The Wheat allergy can cause exercise-induced Anaphylaxis.

He has been bullied because of his food allergies by both adults and children.

The actions of a bully are easy to see; therefore, they are easy to handle. This is not to say that they are not painful; it does hurt him. It does make him fear for his safety.

He has had family members try to feed him nuts or seeds saying that a little a day will make him better or rub a melon on his arm and state "see, you are fine." Needless to say, we no longer see these family members.

The worst? Being left out. He is left out because he is different. He does not get invited because his friends' parents won't know what to feed him (most of the time it is the parents, not his classmates.) I have always offered to send my son a comparable item. I have never asked any parent or teacher to get anything special for him. Never.

It does happen. It does happen in schools. It does happen by students and teachers alike. It is scary. Very scary for both myself and my son.

God bless the parent who embraces the "different" child, the parent who allows their son or daughter to be friends with the "freak who can't eat peanut butter!" Yes, I have heard that...from other parents whispering. Great stuff.

Sorry this reply is so long. I tend to get rather fired up on this subject!

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Mrs. H
hayes080505 ( http://www.blogher.com/member/hayes080505 )

A few months ago my husband and I were told our child was allergic to eggs, wheat, and oats. (she is only 1). Immediately we changed her diet at home and were very strict with what the day care was giving her.

One day, I was picking our child up from day care, and the teacher asked, "what would happen if she did eat these foods?" I was in shock, he couldn't even understand what the allergy would do! And in the one moment, I doubted everything they did in the past and what they would do in the future. Needless to say we switched day care's.

As a parent of two kids with a multitude of food allergies, this article really resonates with me. Some people just DO NOT GET IT. I have one kid with a wheat allergy and their grandfather still brings soft pretzels each and every time he comes over. I have another kid with a dairy allergy and his aunt still forgets and gives him ice cream when he sleeps over. It is frustrating. The good news is that the majority of their symptoms are rashes, hives and intestinal upset (THE TROTS). And behavioral issues. They haven't had anaphylaxis. Yet.

And both of us, their parents, have severe food allergies. It's so much fun. We are NOT wimps. We are NOT trying to be weird. Our lives depend on it. I just wish more people took this seriously.

Domestic Engineer, Total Babe and SAHM

I read this headline and immediately thought "Well, Duh." I've been dealing with allergies for a long, long time and have even been bullied in the workplace. Hidden disabilities, in general, tend to be dismissed and made fun of.

I would take this as an underreporting if anything.

MLO / Melissa

Books, Movies, Games, Ovarian Cancer, and Life in General at http://www.mloknitting.com/

A lot of people who haven't had firsthand experience with food allergies are generally just clueless and/or ignorant. They think that a food allergy can probably be "overcome" with little exposures to the food. Little do they know that the only way to potentially overcome a food allergy is to eliminate all traces of it from the diet. So I think some of the clueless ones out there think "little Susie wouldn't even be allergic to peanuts anymore if her overprotective mom would just give her some once in a while."

My daughter has a severe dairy allergy. While she's never been "bullied" (she's also only 4), I've definitely encountered a lot of cluelessness. First, so many people don't know what "dairy" means. I can't tell you how many times she's been offered goldfish crackers or buttered popcorn by people who know all about her allergy. I can't really blame them - I definitely wouldn't be as aware of what's in everything if I wasn't personally responsible. But I do wish there existed a better awareness about allergies - especially for people who work with children.

www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com ( http://www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com )

Because many of them have grown up knowing someone with a severe food allergy.

I find I have a MUCH harder time getting people over, say, 40 to take my son's allergy seriously -- people in that age range are the ones who seem most likely to say, "Can't he just have a little?" or "It won't REALLY kill him, will it?" largely because my son may in fact be the first child they have ever met who is allergic to peanuts and they Just Don't Get It. And so they wind up endangering or terrifying my son by accident, because it's just not habit for them to think about it.

Whereas if I tell a 20-something person, he or she will usually say, "Oh, my cousin is allergic to peanuts," or, "My best friend in school was TERRIBLY allergic to cashews" or "Oh, I was trained on the EpiPen when I worked at a preschool in college." And that's that -- they already know what to do.

As for adults bullying children, adult RELATIVES of ours have mocked our child about his allergy until he ran away in tears. I wish I were joking. I'm not sure they knew they were bullying him. It apparently just didn't occur to them that it's not funny to joke about something that could kill a six-year-old right in front of the six-year-old in question.

I am highly allergic to tree nuts, and while I don't remember being bullied as a child, I believe times have changed. As a journalist I've reported on several stories of extreme bullying in one Florida school district, and it seems that "different" always played a role.

In my experience as an adult, I've been sent to the hospital because a server couldn't comprehend the seriousness of an allergic reaction. That being said, I could easily see a teacher having the same attitude. After all, many of them are still young themselves, having just graduated from college. I don't believe a lack of understanding makes them bad teachers, but maturity goes a long way. Kids will always be kids, but I believe raising awareness among adults can go a long way to saving children and their parents from unnecessary trauma.

http://www.onetastyplace.com

Thanks so much for your post... I can completely relate as our son has a similar severe allergy to peanuts.

He's only 3 and I've struggled with how "big" of a deal I make of it. The truth is, it *is* a big deal. On the other hand, however, I'm doing my best to try to not create a peanut-martyr. :)

He wears a bracelet, all his name tags and cups are tagged, and he is never more than 50 feet from an Epi-Pen, but I'm really trying to treat his allergy as just a part of him that can't be changed. Like his hair color or something... I hope that this helps him grow to be confident and secure, despite his peanut-kryptonite. Afterall, a kid armed with a sense of confidence and security is armed with the best defense from bullying, right? :)

Valerie
http://mamaneedsmaintenance.blogspot.com/

Diane from No Nuts For My Peanut here. Thanks for linking me in your post. I want to add to that bullying in general is a huge problem. I was just thinking this morning how do parents today deal with the cyber bullying on top of what is happening in school? As a parent it's sad to think this happens so often. Bullying seems to be an epidemic these days and has escalated to a new level with the technology that is available to kids.

As a parent of a child who has sever food allergies, it is terrifying to think that the bullying can turn deadly by adding food to the mix. It can be a weapon whether intentional or not. I think that needs to be understood.

I also understand the resentment other parents have when they are inconvenienced. It makes me sad that my child may receive the brunt of their frustration. Food allergy parents aren't out to make other parents lives more difficult. It doesn't make me happy to have to make it harder for them at all. I constantly feel guilty about it. It's just that we want our kids safe. I think any parent should be able to understand that. No matter what kind of bullying is going on the child is suffering. What happened to putting the kids first?

Diane
http://nonutsformypeanut.blogspot.com

Bullying is not unique to a child with a food allergy, but perhaps the danger is. Keeping kosher as a child, I actually had ham thrown at me at lunch tables, more than a few times (teachers weren't sympathetic).

In response to someone like Dana, the amount of concern a parent shows for their child doesn't have limits when it literally is a matter of life and death. I'm not sure I completely trust the way this information as presented in this survey but cases like hers don't require a study to tell parents to get involved.

Perhaps the rise of child-food allergies has made some teachers a bit complacent. As a former teacher, I wouldn't tolerate a joke about a peanut and an allergic child, their sensitivity is always a mystery and their safety is a primary concern.

If the communication from the beginning isn't clear "My child is severely allergic and this will kill him..." teachers may feel as if they've just gotten a new problem parent demanding their child has "special needs." It isn't fair, sometimes it's true and you can't always blame the teacher. I've had parents lie about a serious health conditions that should have been explained to me for the child's safety, but simply were left to me to guess about in a classroom with 26 other students.

Bottom line, your child's only advocate in the world, until they are mature enough to become their own, is YOU the parent.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

We had this issue at our elementary school when we went nut free. Some parents were upset because peanut butter is cheap, easy to prepare, and well liked by their kids. Of course the kids of those parents picked up on this frustration and brought it to school. On the other hand, honest conversations with the kids about allergies has made them better citizens and friends. If they have a question about something in their food, they ask, they make sure to wash their hands, and they willingly sit at the "safe" table (it's a lot cleaner!) to be with friends.

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.foodallergymixer.com )

You'd be surprised at how many bully teachers/school staff/other adults there are. Any child or even another adult who is "different" is a target. That's why I never understood why adults accused children, in general, of being naturally nasty. Seems to me they are learning it from somewhere. If you ask me, which I realize you didn't but still, adults and their behavior is at the heart of most bullying issues.

Jen shares her life of special needs with a special needs child at Different But determined ( http://differentbutdetermined.com/ ).

But both came to mind when I read the original CNN story and again today reading yours.

My son's best friend is a peanut-allergy kid. In third grade, a fellow student who has known this boy for several years and always known about his peanut allergy proceeded to sit next to him (the rules at our school are that certain sections of the lunch tables are nut-free. If you eat nut-containing products you self-select to the sections of tables that are not the nut-free sections. Teachers/lunch staff help younger students identify and parents are asked to inform their children if their lunches contain nut products.) The fellow student unwrapped his butterfinger candy bar and started munching right next to the child with the severe nut allergies. The child with the allergies had to tell the other boy that the butterfinger contained nuts (perhaps the other boy didn't know?) After being informed, the other student responded with a "so what?" and continued to eat. The nut-allergic child then had to tell him that "what you're eating could KILL me!" and get the lunchroom staff to intervene. So even with ignorance (child didn't know what he was eating was a peanut product) upon being educated, that child's response was to ignore the information. Bullying? A mild form, I'd say, but perhaps I'm biased because i know the child involved.

Second case - a child at my nephew's school who has a severe egg allergy. At the outdoor adventure camp mess hall one morning, his teacher admonished him (loudly in front of the whole class) for not having eggs on his plate and taking too much sausage (he took extra sausage in lieu of eggs since he couldn't eat the eggs. this was with permission of his mother, who was present as a chaperone.) This was in April, after the child had been a student in this teacher's class (and had this severe egg allergy all year, requiring special instructions to families for any treats brought to the classroom, etc.) Did the teacher just forget? I suppose. Was it bullying? I imagine the child felt scared - his teacher was correcting him in front of all of his classmates. Was he able to stand up for himself? Should he have to?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but I think it's safe to say that being the child with the severe allergies is challenging enough - can you imagine the stress of always wondering if a food will hurt you? Thinking of foods as potentially deadly? And having to miss out on treats and foods your friends are eating because they might contain something that could hurt you?

Just because someone else is an idiot, does it mean that their idiotic speech toward the allergic child isn't bullying? I don't know. I think many adults and other children fail to understand. Heck, I don't even understand and I'm regularly responsible (because my son's friend comes over) for a peanut-allergy child!

I write on Suburban (In)sanity ( http://beckersmith.typepad.com/my_weblog/ ). I have two kids, two cats, a dog, a husband and a minivan. I live in the suburbs now and try to stay sane. Some days, I succeed.

I am the parent of a 6th grader who has a life-threatening tree nut allergy. He was diagnosed at age 3. We sailed through the preschool years as he attended a nut-free school and even in public grammar school (grades 1-4) where I too wrote a yearly letter to the class parents we never had an issue. It wasn't until last year when he entered 5th grade (middle school) that the bullying started. Kids who were fully aware that he had a nut allergy started using them to taunt and tease him. Now I know that teasing and harassment happen, not that I condone it. However I am never ok with using something that will kill my son in 15 minutes or less to provoke fear in him. These kids who knew that pistachios and cashews were the nuts that he was the most allergic were the ones being waved in his face, being strewn all over his locker, being eaten in his class. He told me "Mom, they might as well be holding a loaded gun."

I think it comes down to naivety coupled with ignorance. "Anaphylactic shock" is a big word, and "food allergy" doesn't really mean much to tween/teens if they don't live with it day in and day out. Bullying on the other hand is something they should be fully aware of.

Sadly this happened again at the beginning of this school year, so I have asked my school to educate the kids about food allergies in general. What it means to have a food allergy, how it can make kids already feel different, social isolated (sitting at the nut free table), the anxiety it causes, etc. Then on top of that how bullying with food-allergic item is like bullying with a weapon and should be treated as such. To my child it is not like a boy is raising his fist and threatening to punch him, where he knows he is just going to get a little roughed up.

Dana Freeman
Miss Magpie
dana@findandgoseek.net
802-233-9709
Vermont's Insider Guide to Kid Friendly Fun
http://www.findandgoseek.net/

I remember my friend getting a hard time for her peanut allergy from our teacher. In direct comments that relied heavily on tone of voice. "Don't sit near N in the lunch room today. We wouldn't want her to break out in hives while we all eat our delicious peanut butter cookies." So, yes, I've seen teachers do it. I'd like to believe that was a different time and people have evolved... but have we?

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.