Forgive but not Forget

I spoke to a good friend about relationships yesterday. She's been married for over 5 years and loves her husband. Unfortunately, her husband hurt her early in her marriage. No, not physically. He hasn't completely lost his mind. He was real Eric Benet with his. He never slept with another woman, but he behaved inappropriately. So now her trust is altered. She's working on forgiving him, but says that she sees him completely different now.
So the question that was asked is how do you learn to trust once that bond has been broken? We've all been lied to at some point. But what do you do when the person that you trust most lies to you.
If you'd asked me this question about 10 years ago, the answer would have been cut and dry. The dude is automatically out of there. Sex or not. Any form of betrayal will not be tolerated and he'd be sent packing. And the only thing that he'd be allowed to take is my foot because it would still be in his behind.
But now in my older age (keep in mind that I would NEVER tell my significant other this), I tend to look at things a little different. What would I be willing to forgive and what wouldn't I? What if he messed up in year 40 as opposed to year 5? Would that make a difference? I'm not sure. And would it make a difference if I was the only person who knew about it.
I've had the opportunity to see many marriages. Some have thrived while others have floundered. Some people have been betrayed at some point, but don't know it. And those marriages are still rocking and rolling. I have one friend who asked me not to tell her if I caught her husband out with someone else. Since he and I are cool, I could confront him if I wanted to, but she'd rather not know. If she knows, she has to act on it, and that's not something that she chooses to do. And she's a little afraid of what she'd do to him. While it's not what I want, I respect her for knowing how much she's willing to handle and I don't judge her for her decision. I'll respect it. I love both she and her husband. But if i caught him out with another woman, best believe, I'll bust that little meeting up. Of course it's none of my business, but there will be no smoochin in my presence. They'll have to take that somewhere else.
At least she knows that she doesn't want to be faced with what my other friend is going through. Trying to trust her husband the way that she used too or maybe choosing to show him the door and become a single mom.
My friend is prayerful and hopefully her trust will be re-established brick by brick, in time. But I'm sure that she wishes that it would hurry up already!!! I honestly don't know what my breaking point would be. It's hard for me to say until I'm in that situation.
Blushing Ladies Speak:Did you ever forgive and forget in a relationship? How long did it take for you to see your significant other the way that you used to or do you? What's forgivable and what's not?Visit us at Rae 


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