To Forgive or Not To Forgive? Here is my answer...

I love my friend and I do not mean to disrespect the dead. But I cannot find it in my heart (at least at this time) to forgive my sister. How can my friend expect me to forgive my sister after all of the pain and chaos she inflicted on my family, my children, my husband and myself?

Why have I not forgiven my sister?

The list is quite extensive. She has betrayed me one too many times and I don’t know if and when I would be able to forgive her. At this point, I doubt what I will ever be able to trust her again. Her acts of betrayal wounded me to my core. When I confronted her with the truth, she continued to lie to me and attempted to humiliate me in public. She called me all kinds of nasty names, told me that I was crazy and needed psychiatric help and lastly told me to go fuck myself. Just to be clear, she screamed it at me.

If that wasn’t enough, she then confronted my husband and expected him to take her side.

She has shown me that she has zero respect for me, my marriage and our family. She does not value what was once a very close relationship. She has made zero attempts to try to reconcile.

It is more than a year since she and I last spoke (well, since she screamed) and a single word has not passed between us.

Why was I able to forgive my husband but not my sister?

Again, another extensive list. My husband has stepped up and admitted his mistake and has taken every step to show me that he is very sorry that he crossed certain lines that never should have been crossed with another woman; especially if that woman happens to be my sister. He asked for forgiveness and has gone through great lengths to express his love for me. I am not talking about material things, I am talking about the little things he does.

Forgiving him has not been an easy task. Sometimes it is hard to not think about what they did behind my back, and the pain they both caused me. But it has gotten easier and less painful over time. We are rebuilding our relationship and change is not easy. But when it is something that you value, the hard work pays off in the end.

So for now, I cannot accommodate my friend’s request to forgive my sister and bring her back into my life. That is simply too much to ask for from me at this time. For now, I will continue to focus on strengthen myself and my marriage.

Rest in peace, my dear friend.  Just please know, that I am at peace with my decision.

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