Poking Holes in Condoms: the Story of How I Became a Mom

I snapped reading a novel with a pregnant character.  I got up and searched through my jewelry box for the pointiest pin I could find, grabbed the condoms and poked holes in them.  Just like the holes I felt inside of me. Looking at those holes in the silver wrapper was a big wake up call for me.  I hid the condoms under tissues in the bathroom garbage can and sobbed.  I'd been hiding my feelings for so long....more
Meh. Yet another faux childfree male, making it harder for childfree people to be taken seriously. more

Facing Birth Mother Discussions Without Fear

My 8 year-old son, Reed is the smooth-sailing and resilient type, able to roll with life’s punches and not have a lot of “issues.”Yet we recently had some revelatory conversations about his birth mom that shows how deeply in his psyche he is processing his adoption. I expect that as my children grow they will, at stages, deepen their understanding of their adoptedness through wondering and questioning. And I will encourage this every chance I get....more
@lavluz YOU'RE WELCOME! (yelling back.)more

Unfinished Business

He did it.This Boy who screamed and clawed, slashed and kicked, burned and threatened and then begged to be held.  This Boy whose biological mother gave him nothing.  And who fought every day to get back to her....more

My FREE Gift to you from Family by Design!

My FREE Gift to you!...more

Family by Design ~ New Blog Site!

  Glad to be part of BlogHer! We have changed the location of our blog but we will still bring you the best information and inspiration on adoption, adoptive parenting and foster care! You will also get updates on all the great and inspiring guests that will appear on Family by Design Radio each month....more

The Key to Her Little Heart

LeLe celebrated her 10th birthday in November.  She had been home with us for six months and had been talking about her birthday celebration for about five and a half mo...more


About PattyPatty Chang Anker is not adventurous by nature. While other kids were out climbing trees and skinning knees, she was inside reading Laura Ingalls Wilder and memorizing show tunes. A GLEEk before her time. That is how she grew up never really learning how to ride a bike, do a handstand, or dive into a swimming pool. And why she started blogging Facing Forty Upside Down (www.upside-down-patty.blogspot.com) 3 days after turning 39....more

Letter to an Adoptee

<span style="font-style:italic;">When I worked as an adoption Social Worker, I typically wrote a letter similar to this to each child after they went home with their adoptive parents. My purpose in doing so was two fold 1) to share my experience with their birth parents and how they came to chose adoption and to let they know how much they were loved 2) to share Jesus with them. I gave a copy to the adoptive parents to share one day in the future if they chose to and I placed a copy in their adoptive file to be found should they ever seek information in the future....more

My Child Needs Help Now: The Impossibility of Haitian Adoption

I’ve written the checks, helped send supplies and done all measure of hand-wringing. But still when I read about the tragedy that has struck, I feel there is more my family and I are meant to do. So. OK. Call me naive, ignorant or foolish, but I was one of the many who heard about the travesty of orphans in Haiti and suddenly wanted more than anything to adopt a needy child from that devastated country. ...more


This is a great article and you've really hit all sides.  (Thanks for the ...more

A Bit of Adoption and Infertility Humor

‘Tis the season of light, so let’s lighten things up with a touch of the funny.  A couple of years ago, I was out running errands with my three youngest kids.  The errands took longer than anticipated (don’t they always), so we stopped at a fast food place to grab something to eat.  The lady taking our order stared and then did a double take, staring first at me and then at each child.  It is worthy of mentioning at this point that two of the three kids look absolutely nothing like me and none of them share any resemblance to each other.  The woman gave me a s...more