Eleven

Eleven months since you were born silently into this world. At times I can't believe it's been that long already. At other times it feels like it's been eleven years. I am filled with mixed emotions today. I am sitting in a lovely hotel in Spain. We have spent the week sleeping late, laying by the pool, getting tan, drinking wine, and taking naps. Oh, and I've also been injecting myself with IVF drugs in preparation for our upcoming transfer. ...more

The One Where I Lie to My Friends

I have a confession to make... a friend is moving back to the US and even though I pretend to be sad about it, I am actually happy she's going! I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I can't help myself. It's amazingly selfish and if any of my friends in real life knew they would be very upset with me. They would be horrified that I could think such a horrible thing about someone I call my friend. It would probably change their view of me completely. So I hide it. I keep it to myself and pray that no one discovers my dark secret. So what is this friend's crime?? What has she done to make me so happy that she's moving so far away? Three wordsHER BABY LIVED...more
I am not exactly in your situation...the only time I was lucky enough to have been pregnant was ...more

Why Couldn't I Have Held Him?

I share a lot in this space. The good, the bad, and the ugly. No holds barred. It's the main reason I don't reveal myself here, so that I can be totally honest. But this is something that I am not sure I should share. In fact, I may type the whole thing and then not publish it (if I do publish it then I apologize in advance because I'm sure my thoughts will be all over the place). ...more

First of all, let me give you my condolences. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel ...more

The Club That No One Wants To Join

I have found myself a part of a very exclusive club. It's a secret club that you only find out about once you're invited to join. The price of membership is very high and there are no refunds. Once you become a member, you are a member for life. No matter where you go or what you do, you will always belong to this club. It is an all-inclusive group of men and women from around the world. This club does not discriminate against anyone for any reason. It is one of the most diverse clubs around. Equal opportunity reigns free here. ...more

You write movingly and I am very sorry for your loss. You point out the importance of grieving ...more

How To Say Thank You?

Originally posted at my blog Finding My New Normal http://findmynewnormal.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-to-say-thank-you.html...more

Dreams

To all of you who have lost children. Do you ever see them in your dreams? Today is the 13th of January. It's been exactly 5 months since my beautiful, perfect son was born still. He was perfect in every way, a victim of his placenta which failed to do it's job. Five months since we said good bye to our hopes and dreams. Five months since we had the dream of the perfect family. Not once in those five months have I had any dreams of my beloved son. ...more

Meet Your New Boss. He's Angry.