Say His Name

I was only surfing the internet when grief came and sat down beside me last weekend.An innocent Google search brought me to the Wikipedia page of an actor that goes by the name, Ben.Bennett. His name is Bennett....more

October

Wake me up when October ends. I know those aren’t quite the lyrics we are accustomed to, but it is the sentiment I feel each year as the leaves start changing colors and the chill of October fills the air. October is the month I lost Elijah, and fittingly, October also marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. For an entire month, my Facebook feed is filled with blue and pink ribbons, reminding me not only of my loss, but of the many losses endured by so many all over the world....more

Brothers

Three picture frames were piled at the edge of the dining room table. Linus picked up on of the frames and gazed at the sepia print of a small baby. Unsure, he showed me the picture and asked, "Who is that?"My heart stopped.As much as I want to climb to the rooftop and scream their names to the heavens, I cannot even say their names aloud without my voice catching in my throat....more

Heavenly Birthdays

Linus is insistent someone's birthday is today.With quizzical eyes, he looked at me and signed “more” as he said, “more birthday?”With excitement he proclaimed, “Happy birthday, Jesus!”No, today isn't Christmas, my love.His attention turned to each person in the room. “Happy birthday, Evan?” “Happy birthday, Jo Jo?”No, sweetheart, not today.He couldn't be convinced. Still he pressed on. “Happy birthday?”...more

Uncovering The Past: The Uncle I Never Knew

Liam recently had to do a family tree project for school and my father sent me a link to some of our family history.  I revisited the site site today intending to pull out a tale I had found quite sweet but stumbled, instead, on the story of an uncle that I never knew - a story that brought with it an image that broke my heart...  I...more

First Day

As the first day of school looms on the horizon, I wonder what we would be doing if the boys were still with us. It would finally be their turn to shop for backpacks and new outfits for their first day of nursery school. Would they be excited?What about the kids – their classmates. Will I forever look at these kids and wonder “what if?” They don’t even know that they’re missing two important members of their class....more

In Flames

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Sparrow Talk: Unlikely Encouragement in the Midst of Grief

Today I talked with a sparrow.The Best Husband Ever and I were at Home Depot, browsing landscaping stones, when a sweet chirping captured my attention.  I looked up and, cheeping from the rack just above my head, was a sparrow.  Tiny and perfect, he blinked at me as I moved closer, my breath stolen away.Sparrows remind me of my daughter, who died before she breathed....more

One Hour: For Anderson

Today I find my mind drifting back to Anderson and what he would be like today had he been choosen to walk this world.You see, while I was pregnant my friend was also pregnant. I was due in January and she in March. But her baby was born too early, too weak to survive, to even draw a breath. At only 27 weeks, Anderson barely had a chance. His momma has very aggresive Lupus and her health and his became very precarious. She was hospitalized a week before his birth with the understanding that he could come at any moment, that he may or may not make it. ...more

If These Walls Could Talk

They would tell you about  a woman that is struggling to exist. As if just existing is the ultimate goal and not just a passing phase.  The walls would tell you that this woman is valiantly struggling with herself to put forth the effort needed to get up each day and make it through till nightfall, when she might find some respite from the nightmares that haunt her waking hours....more
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