“Guilt is often bargaining’s companion.” -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler from On Grief and GrievingAfter calming down from the anger over my singleness, I want to take some kind of action. I want some control back! Well, wanting control back would make the assumption that I ever really had “control” over this single thing in the first place....more
Last weekend I went to a dear friend's birthday party. It was held in her big, fabulous house in the suburbs. It being in the suburbs is relevant only because that's where I'm most likely to find parties made up of all couples...and me. Actually there were two other single women there, but we were a mere blip amongst the 20 or so couples. Or maybe we weren't a blip; maybe it was more like a beacon. ...more
I think most people by now are aware of recent figures published by the U.S. Census and the Pew Institute about the growing number of singles in the U.S., so I won't belabor that point. Being single is "hot." Yet, when I hear a woman complain that she's miserable being single, I wonder what's really bugging her. Oh sure, like marriage, being single can be a challenge sometimes, but is it miserable? If everything else in your life is pretty good, I can't see how being single could be anything more than an occasional frustration. ...more
A couple of months ago I went to the wedding of a close friend. It was a small-ish affair and quite lovely. We were blessed with beautiful weather, the vibe amongst the guests was friendly, the food was bountiful, and the music was good. The pre-wedding reception was pleasant. Still, I felt a little weird. At first, I couldn't quite put my finger on where this feeling was coming from, but it became clear to me during the ceremony when they recited their vows....more
Yesterday, it occurred to me that this whole "being single works for me" stance may be a little overrated. Most of the time I got no complaints. Yesterday, I had a complaint. You see, if I was living with my (imaginary) husband, my day would have gone differently. This is what would have happened if I was married: Me: Honey, there are ceiling lightbulbs that are burned out in every room. They need to be replaced. ...more
We met on an uncharacteristically warm day in early October for dinner at an Indian restaurant. He was quirky, witty, and cute…totally my type. We had a delightful, insightful conversation over Chicken Shawarma, rice, vegetables, and wine. I laughed, he laughed, we asked questions of each other, we listened to one another. He told me I was beautiful. He told me he wasn’t looking for perfection. I was relieved. He was saying all the right things. I got more comfortable as the night went on. We finished dinner. What to do now?...more
In my teens I dated sporadically. In my early twenties I dated aggressively. In my mid- to late-twenties, things started to, uhhh… change. I found myself wanting to date like I did in my early twenties, but it became sporadic at best. I was so used to being with a guy, especially after leaving a four-year relationship, that I found myself becoming a bit desperate for male attention. Needy even....more
I really want to be sympathetic.
But I am just not pulling it off the way I usually can. Maybe it is due to the fact that I am in a place in my life right this minute where I need to be more selfish. More all about me. I know, that sounds totally bitchy and beyond comprehension, but it is true. When you have spent your life being the giver, you sometimes get to a point where you feel like the life has literally been sucked right out of you...
That you absolutely could not bend over backwards for anyone even one. more. time.