Who Are All These Women and Why Are They Standing in My Dining Room?

It could get crowded in my dining room with those three other women, the mothers of my adopted children. It made things tight bringing food out and clearing the table, struggling to inch past them, the skinny and stout, all with black hair and brown eyes, and the wide cheekbones that are the national trademark of Nicaragua. It used to bother me a lot -- their silent clucking at what was for dinner, the suspicious eyes cast on the siblings. The slight head shakes wondering why I went all the way to another country to find children for my family. It bothered me. They just wouldn’t quit....more
@SunbonnetSmart.com  Thanks Robin.more

My Birth Son Probably Doesn't Know He's Adopted

I recently found out my birth son was likely never told he was adopted, and has been publicly speaking out about an ancestral heritage that, genetically, isn't entirely true. And I'm worried -- nay, freaked out -- about how he might feel, if he discovers his adoptive cultural background and biological background don't match....more
@Jasperblu THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  As an adoptee (dealing with adoption issues even at ...more

My Son Was Adopted...Now What?

After a baby is adopted, a birth mother doesn’t just go home and pick up where she left off. Everything is different then. Nothing is “normal” anymore. The bed where you slept so comfortably is now the place where you spent your first few minutes of labor. The porch where you like to sit on summer days is now the place where you took all of your maternity pictures. All of your Facebook friends with babies seem like they’re rubbing your face in their motherhood. The sun streaming in through the kitchen windows doesn’t make you smile anymore. Everything feels…off....more
From an adoptive mom's perspective, this may be one of the most touching and inspiring things ...more

What It Feels Like to Become a Mother Before Becoming a Mom

Nine years ago today, I pushed my daughter into this world with one last mighty push. Nine years ago today, I became a mother. Nine years ago today, a brand new resident doctor stitched me up while my daughter's mom held her for the first time, my arms empty. The pain of the inexperienced stitching didn't compare to the burning hot pain in my heart as I lived through that first experience of almost but not quite, the life-long journey of birth motherhood....more
Wow, this is a very powerful blog. I haven't experienced it before and couldn't imagine it, but ...more

A Missed Confirmation & a Broken Promise To My Daughter's Birth Mother

Although I am comfortable with my own spirituality and my relationship with God, I am not so comfortable with the fact that I have evidently broken my promise to my daughter’s birth mother. Twenty two years ago when this precious baby girl was placed in my arms, I was given the most amazing gift. Her birth mother trusted me to raise her child, provide for her, protect her and love her unconditionally. She asked for just one single thing in return… That I raise her child as a Catholic....more
Sorry you are feeling so sad over this.  You did what you could.  You gave her a loving home and ...more

Let's Get Real: Embracing Duality in Adoptive Families

In her book Journey of the Adopted Self, Betty Jean Lifton addresses the sticky issue of the word "real" in adoptive families: "The adoptive mother believes she is the real mother because she is the one who got up in the middle of the night and was there for the child in sickness and health....more
Great post, that book sounds really good for people who have experienced or are experiencing ...more

I See My Daughter Everywhere

It stings the most when I run into friends who have daughters her age. It happens more and more as technology brings people back together. Or, in a totally anti-technology way, when people end up coming back to our beloved camp after years away for whatever reason. Life, work, aforementioned children. In tow, they introduce me to their little girl. Nearly eight, they say. My breath catches. I tell her hello. I hate myself a little bit more. I smile. I cry inside....more
Just want to say how much i love the writing in this piece. I'm sorry you are feeling this pain, ...more

Love Is Not a Pie

When I tell people that I have developed a good relationship with my daughter’s biological mother and am feeling very positive about the efforts my husband and I have been making to include her more in our lives as an extended family member, they almost always respond with some version of the following: “Wow, that’s great! But aren’t you afraid …” This is followed by the expression of various concerns that naturally arise....more

Your story reminds me of the ideal romcom, the kind of movie that sweetly portrays ideal lives ...more

Parenting After Adoption Loss: Things I Won't Say

After my first parented son was born, my Grandma called to check on us. I talked about how exhausted I was and how I just wanted to sleep but, oh, he was so very perfect. She quipped, "So you're gonna keep him then?" My breath caught in my throat. ...more

Facebook-Stalking My Birth Son

Of course I stalk my birth son on Facebook. How could I not? His barely-open adoption slammed shut fifteen years ago when his mother suddenly took ill and died far too young, and all communication with his family ceased. I spent years hoping for information but listening to cricket chirps -- until two years ago, when a cynical Facebook search turned fruitful: he had a limited public profile! I've been checking in on him ever since....more
@Junealex Oh my goodness. Good luck to you both.more