A Year of Childfree Holidays: A Poem

A raging headache to start the year,From one too many an NYE beer,The carpet a mess with confetti galoreJust pick up the phone, that’s what the maid’s for! Then love is in the air on Valentine’s Day,It’s dinner for two with no babysitter to pay,Boxes of truffles and flutes of champagne,No “Junior is sleeping, we better abstain”, A shamrock tattoo upon my face,Evidence of last night’s St. Patty’s disgrace,The green beer that’d seemed like so much fun,...more

Have Yourself a Lonely Little Christmas?

Much like 94.7 The Wave out here in LA rockin’ the Michael McDonald version of Winter Wonderland in early November, I’m getting into the Christmas spirit far too early this year. I simply can’t help myself. I LOVE this holiday. We’re the hillbillies leaving our obnoxious multi-colored lights on the balconies until the HOA sends us a letter that we’re bringing down property values. I look forward to my fortieth birthday when I’ll finally be allowed to wear knitted Christmas vests through the entire month of December, à la every third grade teacher in the Midwest....more