Nothing Above, Nothing Below (No Mother, No Children)

DUPLICATE PLS DELETE!Do children root you somewhere, tether you to a place and time? I have no mother and no children, and sometimes it’s like having no ceiling and no floor.My mother died when I was 18, but she’d been ill for a few years. In the end I put her to sleep myself, encouraged by a blubbering district nurse. It was a dark winter’s evening just before Christmas, and my mother was in her own bed, the dog nearby.‘Give her some more….. more than that!’....more

Letting Go of Your Family Building Dreams Gets Easier Over Time

My blog, No Kidding in NZ, has a message for those who are struggling, or contemplating the end of their infertility journey: It gets easier. Eventually, we can even say it becomes easy. As much, of course, as life is ever easy. Is that sending the wrong message to "outsiders," a recent accusation? Does saying that "it's easier or easy lead to outsiders dismissing the challenges that come with being childless after infertility?" Is it dismissing the struggle we've been through? Is it dismissing the painful moments we still face? ...more
there's lots of ways to build family. Breeding is not actually a requirement.more

5 Things This Child-Free Woman Wants You To Know

As you all know (unless this is your first time reading ‘AA,’ and if that’s the case: hiiiiiiiiiii!  Happy to have you here), I’m a 33-year-old childless woman.   There are all kinds of reasons a woman my age could be child-free, including:...more

3 regrets

I never imagined that I would be almost 50 and not have children.  Since I was a kid I wanted my own kids.  I have 3 major regrets (about this). ...more

The childless woman's guide to surviving school holidays

Late September/early October sees school holidays come around again here in New Zealand. In my No Kidding life, this can creep up on me. Suddenly, I'm assailed by people and noise. Though I can tolerate people and children and noise, if I don't have to, I prefer to avoid them. After all, I am accustomed to a much more peaceful environment! Besides, even though the sight of children does not upset me these days, being surrounded by boisterous families can make me feel isolated, and I prefer to flee home or to a favourite, safe environment....more

If we're childless, what is our legacy?

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the issue of what we leave behind. I’ve been prompted by reading someone else’s thoughts and fears on this matter for the past few months, as well as visiting my mother and looking at family trees and old photos. When we are childless, what is our legacy? Do we even have one? Why do we want one? Is it important?...more

Let Me and My Womb Live: Stop Policing the Wombs of Women

A woman's womb is such a delicate, creative, innovative place that not only is a designated place where the uterus is located but it is also a place where babies and ideas are conceived in this delicate place. This particular article is about the conception of ideas rather than babies. I am going to give birth to a matter that is such a sensitive, raw and private matter...the policing of women's womb especially those who are childless. *sigh* Let me start off by saying that I am an unapologetic married woman who is childless....more

Can You Be Happy After Infertility if You Don't Have Children?

I've been thinking the last few days about those very early days of learning we will have a life without children. First, infertility, then childlessness. I remember those days, even though they were many years ago. I felt as if I had been slammed into a brick wall. ...more
zedsmiles I'm so glad, that in some small way, this helped.more

Having a Child: Thumbs up...or Thumbs Down?

To have -- or not to have children -- that is the sybil sage...more