My blog, No Kidding in NZ, has a message for those who are struggling, or contemplating the end of their infertility journey: It gets easier. Eventually, we can even say it becomes easy. As much, of course, as life is ever easy.
Is that sending the wrong message to "outsiders," a recent accusation? Does saying that "it's easier or easy lead to outsiders dismissing the challenges that come with being childless after infertility?" Is it dismissing the struggle we've been through? Is it dismissing the painful moments we still face?
As you all know (unless this is your first time reading ‘AA,’ and if that’s the case: hiiiiiiiiiii! Happy to have you here), I’m a 33-year-old childless woman. There are all kinds of reasons a woman my age could be child-free, including:...more
Late September/early October sees school holidays come around again here in New Zealand. In my No Kidding life, this can creep up on me. Suddenly, I'm assailed by people and noise. Though I can tolerate people and children and noise, if I don't have to, I prefer to avoid them. After all, I am accustomed to a much more peaceful environment! Besides, even though the sight of children does not upset me these days, being surrounded by boisterous families can make me feel isolated, and I prefer to flee home or to a favourite, safe environment....more
Recently, I’ve been thinking about the issue of what we leave behind. I’ve been prompted by reading someone else’s thoughts and fears on this matter for the past few months, as well as visiting my mother and looking at family trees and old photos. When we are childless, what is our legacy? Do we even have one? Why do we want one? Is it important?...more
A woman's womb is such a delicate, creative, innovative place that not only is a designated place where the uterus is located but it is also a place where babies and ideas are conceived in this delicate place. This particular article is about the conception of ideas rather than babies. I am going to give birth to a matter that is such a sensitive, raw and private matter...the policing of women's womb especially those who are childless. *sigh* Let me start off by saying that I am an unapologetic married woman who is childless....more
I've been thinking the last few days about those very early days of learning we will have a life without children. First, infertility, then childlessness. I remember those days, even though they were many years ago. I felt as if I had been slammed into a brick wall.
I’m sorry. Not for anything I’ve done (I hope!), but in general.I’m sorry for the stupid advice you hear (“Just take a vacation and you’ll get pregnant! ‘Just’ adopt! Have you tried ___?”) As if you haven’t read every word, tried ever surefire method, eaten every bizarre magical food....more
"I love children. I just don't need to own one". This is one of my favorite quotes from this week’s Time Magazine (August 12 issue) excellent article by Lauren Sandler on the rise in women choosing not to have children. The article cites a 2010 Pew Research report that showed that childlessness has risen across all racial and ethnic groups, adding up to about 1 in 5 American women who end their childbearing years maternity-free, compared with 1 in 10 in the 1970s. ...more
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